View Full Version : I am now utterly convinced
That my current life is some kind of celestial punishment for crimes that I committed in another life. It's the only explanation for my life to date, the only thing that makes any sense to me. I would leave this life, but would that be like running away from prison? And when they caught me I'd only get a longer and worse sentence? My only option is to take it and try to learn from it. Whatever I did must have been pretty horrific.
Hey honey,
I can't offer great words of wisdom but I didn't want to read and not reply!
I feel exactly like you do most days I often wonder why I'm here with all the things I have been through. I cling to the belief that someday things will be different and that everything happens for a reason.
I hope that my future is better than my past.
Feel free to pm me if you want to chat.
xx
That would make me jack the ripper then. seriously though I know how you feel, anxiety can be like a very long tunnel and you're not alone in feeling that way. you will find you get some better moments so hang on in there for those and give yourself credit for the things you do manage no matter how small. x
eeyorelover
16-08-10, 16:56
I said almost the exact same thing to my Gram once and she said...
"San, life is like walking through a garden. Sometimes you get to enjoy the flowers and wonder at the beauty of it all....and sometimes you have to wade through sh1t!"
Believe me, I know how you feel! Sometimes I feel knee deep in it!
;)
Yep and im another one that believes i must of done something so bad to be feeling the way i do.
I think we have to start being nice to ourselves though.
StoneMonkey
16-08-10, 20:47
Me too. I also pondererd if it was Karma for something I had done earlier in this life.
Pretty harsh for anything minor that I might have done. Perhaps accidently squishing an ant or something.
I am happy to think that everything happens for a reason but when it goes on and on.......and on.......and on you cant help but think what more can be learnt from it. Good things do happen though and maybe I dont think about them enough.
On a spiritual level some would say that we chose to live this life but I would like to renegotiate terms and conditions.
Simon.
That my current life is some kind of celestial punishment for crimes that I committed in another life. It's the only explanation for my life to date, the only thing that makes any sense to me. I would leave this life, but would that be like running away from prison? And when they caught me I'd only get a longer and worse sentence? My only option is to take it and try to learn from it. Whatever I did must have been pretty horrific.
People with anxiety do so much to put themselves down - I have come up with similar theories by sitting and analyzing everything i am doing in my life to work out why this has happened. But you must not do that.
Anxiety/panic attacks are a habit.
That is it. It is very hard to get out of the habit, because the symptoms associated with both PA and anxiety are worrying. Worrying breeds further anxiety and keep the thoughts fresh in your mind. All you have to do is work out how to get out of the loop, but blaming it on what you did in a former life is just not beneficial to you.
this post made me smile - i too used to think this but having learnt so much about anxiety i just want to say we are the ones who punish ourselves and keep us prisoners - nothing more!!!! once you start examining your own negative thought patterns/beliefs/ways you talk to yourself and just how much attention you give anxiety then you will understand that it is that and only that which keeps it alive.
this post made me smile - i too used to think this but having learnt so much about anxiety i just want to say we are the ones who punish ourselves and keep us prisoners - nothing more!!!! once you start examining your own negative thought patterns/beliefs/ways you talk to yourself and just how much attention you give anxiety then you will understand that it is that and only that which keeps it alive.
Top post Joanne, and you couldn't be more right.
Could you expand this post and put it on the main forum pages. I think this forum is filled with too many negative posts, and needs some posts from people with positive suggestions. So please share your positive experiences as im sure people could benefit from them
hi rory23
basically - i suffered from anxiety from the ages of 23 to 34 - i say suffered in past tense because although i still get anxious on a daily basis and get symptoms - as soon as i made a conscious decision to not let it rule my life 24/7 - i started to get out of the loop. within a few months of making this decision - i am down to 5mg ssri and will come off that and am feeling happier than i have done in years. i had realised that a lot of overcoming anxiety was down to sheer acceptance and i had come through a major set back this year without changing meds/upping the dose purely with acceptance and patience and i literally felt i was climbing the walls i was in such a bad way inside but i came through and so it can be done.
i had much improved but felt "stuck" - i wasn't relapsing but i did not feel happy/positive until i realised that i was still focusing on anxiety 24/7 by thinking things such as "i cannot have a busy day today - what if i get a headache etc" or "i cannot go away for a few days on holiday because i might be ill or have a breakdown".
So - basically - i started living again - i go out - i do what i want and i think so what! to negative thoughts and deal with symptoms by acceptance if and when they arise.
The trouble is - and i don;t mean to sound harsh is that so many of us would rather blame something outside of ourselves rather than going within and taking a long hard look at how we treat ourselves/see the outside world. If you talk negatively to yourself 24/7 which you rightly say - is a habit - then it is no wonder we are anxious/depressed. Basically i had been anxious since a child - ys - i can trace it back to certain events in my life and it can be helpful to see how patterns have developed but it is no good focusing on the past because it is how we are in the here and now that needs to be addressed. Having said that - i believe it is in my make up/body chemistry to be over sensitive to adrenalin/stress and so part of me accepts that this is my partly my character type and yet i can work around it/keep it under control.
It is actually easier in some ways to stay anxious/depressed rather than heal ourselves because i can honestly say that accepting it all and turning my thoughts around has been the hardest thing i have done - rather like learning a new language! I have had to accept and change my thought patterns and fallen off the wagon again and again but stuck at it and tried and tried again. I saw results from doing this in my major set back within a few weeks but it took about another month before i felt relatively stable again. It then took another 3 months of feeling on a plateau - not falling back but not radically improving before i have suddenly started to experience signifcant steps forward and so am now well on my journey.
meds helped in the beginning when i truly thought i would not survive but once you have educated yourself regarding anxiety - they are no good for you because all they are doing is covering up a natural response that has got out of hand. they won;t teach you to learn about yourself and change yourself so that you can heal. i was guilty in the beginning of taking antidepressants and thinking i had found the holy grail - that i was on medication and so did not have to do anything myself - how wrong i was! I regularly suffered set backs and had to change medication purely because it was only acting like a plaster over a cut!
I can honestly say that in some ways anxiety has been the best thing that has ever happened to me and i do not say that lightly because i have had 12 years of some very dark times and chronic physical symptoms that have seen me in pain for months even years at a time BUT it has taught me about myself/my limits/how i need to live my life authentically to suit me as a person and what it is truly important. If i had not experienced anxiety i would still be in a negative relationship and unfulfilling work with a purely "material" outlook on life and so for that - i have learned to accept that this is what happened to me but that i can look forward to a happier future and its all because i have learned to accept, live in the moment and monitor the thoughts that i have xx
ps - books that helped me greatly were at last a life by paul david and you can be happy no matter what by richard carson BUT it is not enough to just read them - you have to actually do as they advise - the hardest thing you will ever do is to commit to recovery and wellness - this is because our natural response is to run from fear but if running worked you would be cured by now ans so you hav to turn around and run towards it! and when you start to see the process working you will feel happier than you ever though possible.
another thing that held me back throughout my anxiety was always looking for an outside cure - medication/herbal remedies/alternative therapies (good for relaxing however!) - there is nothing wrong with taking something if you feel it helps - i use bach flower remedies but ultimately you need to stop searching for the quick fix and accept that the cure comes from within x
Sorry everyone to post something negative and bring you down, just having a very very bad patch, lowest yet. Thanks for the replies anyway.
ps - books that helped me greatly were at last a life by paul david
ive read his book and exchanged emails with paul david a few times, it is a good read.
hi gareth
no need to apologise lol! just wanted to show you that you can get through it x
StoneMonkey
19-08-10, 14:13
Hey Gareth,
You didn't bring me down. I didn't think it was negative to express how you are feeling and you put it across in a way that people related to.
I wish you were having a better time than you are but you gave people a chance to admit to having felt similar ( "me too" threads are good because it means you have hit a nail on the head) then everyone got to benefit from Joannaps wonderful experience and success which is an inspiration.
I thought that was exactly how NMP works at its best.
If you cant have a "defeated day" here where can you have one.
Hope things pick up for you soon.
Simon.
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