View Full Version : Do you ever feel like you're faking?
Do you ever feel like you have to 'fake' being normal? Doing normal stuff like going to the shops or the movies, going to work or to visit family seem to require hoisting up some sort of mask for me. I find it very hard and very tiring to be around 'normal people' and to prevent myself from freaking out, or having panic attacks and flashbacks. Should I just stop going out?
I'd appreciate any advice here.
Hazel x
Dolly_Mixture
20-08-10, 13:27
I'm so glad you wrote this because I know exactly how you feel- especially when it comes to family visits or work socialising or parties. I've asked other people this before but no one else could really relate. There is a band called The Melting Ice Caps who sum this up beautifully in their song How To Appear Well- Adjusted. This song is lovely and always makes me feel better and not so alone!
myiguanodon
20-08-10, 15:09
I think of it as my front. I've always done this with all but my closest friends, parents or partner. I also find being in social situations with people draining.
I always just thought of that as normal, I'd just assumed everyone does it. Though since I've been off I've tried to avoid seeing all but the above as much as possible, as I just don't feel like I have the mental energy to put up my front.
Dolly_Mixture
20-08-10, 17:26
I know what you mean- I've had this week off work and spent the whole time relaxing at home and not seeing or talking to anyone (except my flatmate!). I feel a bit more recharged now. I'm starting a voluntary placement tomorrow afternoon so hopefully I'll be ok and appear "normal" instead of weird :blush:
Life can be difficult and most people in the world carry more than more than one face, and more than one role... I think that anxious folk feel for everyone and then are labelled for this... we are NORMAL with our daily lives and worries with just a little more luggage to carry.... I agree that there is not a normal as such and as the saying goes wouldnt life be boring if everyone was the same... each holds their own individual qualities, beliefs and values.... don't be too hard on yourself... we are individuals with our own personalities .... society has a different slant from many years ago it has become very materialistic and almost false ... be proud that you have the quality of being sensitive to things around you .... it is a trait that should be valued ... x
GlasgowGuy
21-08-10, 09:26
Every day of my life I feel I'm faking I'm better than I am. So glad to read this post. Think cause I know my health has caused my parents a lot of worry sometimes I'll force myself to say or do stuff just to make them happier or ease the worry.
I know exactly what you mean about hiding things from your parents.... I feel my parents, esp. my Mum, are constantly riddled with worry about me and I feel so guilty all the time as I wish I could be different and not cause people so much stress and concern....
... But at the end of the day, you're doing everything you can to feel better and sometimes putting on a front at certain times can help because for a short while you can forget just how bad you're feeling and it can bring you out of yourself now and again....
.... But believe me, I know how hard it is and sometimes it can feel exhausting!!
All the time..
Im so happy that someone brought this up, because i feel like this nearly all the time...
Most of the time, i act like a totally different person, and try to be 'normal' and be able to go out and to other places, but to make my friends think that im 'normal'. But someonetimes, you start to loose who you really are.
KevsHoping
27-08-10, 17:24
I am learning so much from this forum. I wish I found it ages ago. I relate to this. I never go out and socialise. Holidays are so hard. I used to live in Corfu and every time I go back there there are so many people who want to have dinner etc. Love the company with hindsight but PANIC when a plan is made.
I also panic when a family member/friend is due round. I look out of the window, fidget and twitch until they arrive and can concentrate on absolutely nothing.
Then, when the doorbell rings apart from a feeling of sheer dread and wondering why I didn't make an excuse as to why I could not do with a visit (I wonder how many lies I have told in the past? Thousands I guess), I put on my actor's mask. I too am a good actor. I remember at school I was always cast the lead part in all the plays in drama class.
I didn't even realise/acknowledge that I do this until reading this post - mind you I have been denying a lot for a long time. I think a good idea for me would be to secretly record the visit and see what complete "cr*p" I come out with - I don't advise this and don't think it would help - just thinking out loud - sorry!
Mum is due round tomorrow night and I am absolutely, 100% dreading it. How BAD is that? I have had what feels like millions of anx thoughts and things since last night when she rang and told me she was coming over. I am off work and this Mum visit has been the main crux of problems for me today. That is SAD.
Hopefully my new change in perspective this week - getting a diagnosis, getting on medication (only on day 2!) and finding this forum will help me and I hope that others can find the positiveness I seem to be doing in the last 24 hours or so.
Early days and I am being realistic but you guys help SOOOO MUCH.
Thanks all
Kevxxx
I think this is similar to the feeling of being the only real person on earth and everyone else is robots. You feel like you're different to everyone else because you are you, and everthing you do is different to "normal". Well everyone on earth feels like this thankfully.
All the time! The only time I am truly myself is with close family and long term partners. Elsewhere it a 24/7 Oscar winning performance of acting 'normal' in order to fit societies rules and expectations. I know it is a big influence on my depression. It just seems silly that we can't be ourselves, warts and all.
KevsHoping
28-08-10, 19:36
Give me the oscar! Mum has just been round and what a performance. Same every time. DYING to tell her. Couldn't.
However - I know we should all try not to hide away and share the issues we have but I think the age of the person may be an issue here. My Mum us nearly 70 so really will not understand. I know this. Her Dad - my Grandfather - suffered from schizophrenia very badly. His treatment possibly made him worse - if not that - then certainly didn't help. We are now taking about the 1930's.
My recollection (many years ago) of Grandad's condition was one of shame. Bless her - she has a very different view now as we all become educated about mental health as the years go on but part of my problem is her lack of understanding back then of anything that was not "normal". My thoughts will be to keep this from her. Besides, she is enjoying life after bringing up 6 children as well as having to work.
I am ranting (as usual!)
I was worried about telling my mum (she's 75), thinking she wouldn't understand, only for her to turn around and say 'oh don't be daft you'll be alright, I had a breakdown in the 1960's and they carted me off to the mental hospital for a couple of weeks burbling and electric shocks to my head and I'm still here!'
Didn't expect that one and had to laugh. No wonder I'm around the bend!
KevsHoping
29-08-10, 18:43
That is so funny (in a constructive kind of a way) :D
sweet juicy
02-09-10, 09:53
Not yet !
Totally....I definitely put on an act that I am stable and totally in control of my emotions and mind when I am around extended family, work colleagues and even friends, but purely because they don't really know the extent of my problems before, and though I know I should not feel like this, I do feel embarassed about my depression and anxiety/panic so tend to put on a brave face and hide it.
When it comes to my close family - Mum, Dad and Sister - it is a different story altogether. They were all there for me when I had a breakdown 6 years ago and saw me at my absolute worst and they are the ONLY people in the world that truly know 'the real me' warts and all.
There is also a part of me that feels quite protective of my conditions in a way, and feels that they are my private business and I prefer it that way.
It upsets me too that - disputed by some or not - people are still quite judgemental of mental illness and some people just will never understand no matter how open you are with them.
Sad but true. :shrug:
Thistooshallpass
13-09-10, 18:44
Hi! I am new to this forum.
The funny thing is is that alot of people are acting. I am also one of these people who put on a mask. The only place I don't is with my partner and close friends but even then they don't know all of what I am thinking 24/7. I said to my counsellor last week I feel like I am acting all the time, trying to be happy constantly and not get upset at work/in public 'keep it together' as it were
Thistooshallpass
13-09-10, 18:47
I think this is similar to the feeling of being the only real person on earth and everyone else is robots. You feel like you're different to everyone else because you are you, and everthing you do is different to "normal". Well everyone on earth feels like this thankfully.
That's what is so annoying-me thinking on a day to day basis everyone else is normal when everybody is thinking that everyone else is normal apart from them :huh: This is what stops me being comfortable in my own skin and what makes me so anxious all the time-like I look different and act different to other people when really I don't. Like I have to consciously have to think about what I am doing sometimes when I talk to people like nod, smile, I wonder what I look like now? kind of thoughts. I wish I could just stop it!
Thistooshallpass
13-09-10, 18:48
All the time! The only time I am truly myself is with close family and long term partners. Elsewhere it a 24/7 Oscar winning performance of acting 'normal' in order to fit societies rules and expectations. I know it is a big influence on my depression. It just seems silly that we can't be ourselves, warts and all.
Hit the nail on the head there.
I mean, who decided we must fit in with what is normal all the time? It's the 'shoulds' of life that hold me back
I am so glad I have found this website too... I can relate to this subject... putting on a brave face when you dont feel like it, feeling like an outsider, always feeling as if you have to fight your feelings all the time, having to talk to people when you can't even string a thought together let alone a sentence... its exhausting.
After reading some of these posts you realise you are not the only one who suffers with depression and PA's so that really helps... Also some have mentioned they are worried about telling their family and parents... I didnt have that problem as my parents have worried for years over my sister who has Bi-Polar and when that was diagnosed it all came out that another family member was in a mental hospital for years and lived there for over 50 years! It was during the 2nd World War and her behaviour was not really understood but from her symptoms it seems she had Bi-Polar too, so mental health problems dont seem so frightening to us now. It's amazing what comes out of the family closet when you talk about things. So when either one of our family have gone through periods of time when we couldn't "cope", and most of us have at some time, it must be a pre-disposition in our genes I think, then it has been easier to talk about it, no need to fake it with family... its outsiders that I dont let on to, it gets so boring to to explain that you have these feelings, sometimes I just say "its not a good day" (as suggested by my doctor) and it seems to help.
I've been "faking it" for the past year!!! Now i have broken cause it has all got too much. Now my mother is telling me that i should fake being normal cause social services will come, which they won't! it's making me more nervous about going anywhere! I have told people that i am suffering and everyone - apart my mother , are ok with this and are helping me. I know i will have to fake it for my friends wedding, but i don't think i can atm. i'm too early!
Desprate Dan
16-09-10, 13:35
Gosh didnt really think so many people done this, i feel quite normal now, whatever that maybe... I think lots of people may do this, and for some they won't even know they do it. Everytime i meet someone new, i pick up on their personality a mould myself to what i think they like, this might see me pretening to be a bit brighter with a group of well educated friends, and being a little crazy and fun with a group of friends who love to joke and fool on. I think because we are sensitive and deep thinkers, we ask ourselve's why we do this, and look deeper and think there is somthing wrong with us, which causes anxiety, whilst others do it without giving it a second thought. Just my opinion.
Fly away Katie
16-09-10, 21:41
I know exactly what you mean!! I FAKE being normal every day at college, and when Im around people who dont know about my anxiety ect... and in a way it REALLY helps, because I act normal, and it zaps the anxiety symptoms alot of the time :)
I actually regret letting people like my boyfriend in on it.. because I feel free to panic around him, so I do ALOT. :( xxxxxxx
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