Dealing with nasty comments from other people

[goldilockz]

Hi guys,

I wonder how you all deal with nasty comments from other people? I find that they linger and I start to obsess about them. For example, today I was in a shopping centre where there were a lot of chavs. I was briskly trying to make my way from one end to the other and a boy in a tracksuit said 'ewww' just as I was passing. I don't know whether this was directed at me or not because I had just passed the boy at this point and had my headphones in but instead of brushing this away, I have been obsessing about it for hours. 'What if he thought I was ugly?' 'What if people think there's something wrong with me?' etc. I take a lot of care over my appearance and consider myself to be pretty. I have red hair and was always bullied about this when I was younger so anytime someone makes the slightest comment now, it really hurts. It doesn't happen often and in this case, I don't even know if it was directed at me but I'm freaking out. How do I deal with this? Please help.

Thank you xxx

[Maj]

Being that it was a group of chavs (or neds as we call them in Scotland!), if it wasn't you they were referring to then it would have been the next person. They are mindless idiots and because they're in a crowd then they try and look smart in front of their friends. I know what it's like when you are really sensitive. I'm like that and go over and over things that people say, but as I've got older I'm more inclined to think that their comments mean absolutely nothing and the people concerned aren't even worth thinking about, so please don't feel bad. They're at fault, not you.:hugs:

[goldilockz]

Maj,

I am so grateful for your response. I've been feeling very alone. I live on my own so came home and have constantly been looking in the mirror, finding flaws. Actually, it was in Scotland but I wasn't sure if everyone would know what neds are! I live in Glasgow. Yes, they were in a crowd: quite intimidating to walk past but I looked straight ahead so as not to provoke them. I'm really sensitive, ridiculously so (in fact, my neighbour just slammed his front door and I'm sitting here thinking 'how insensitive of him' after I jumped out my skin!) I really hope this improves as I get older too. xxx

[eeyorelover]

Sounds like the 'what ifs' have a hold on you.
Try counteracting these thoughts by throwing the opposite in there.

For instance, "What if he thought I was ugly?"
Counteract it with something like, "It doesn't matter to me what he thinks!"
Or "He's a ****er anyway" :)

We can't please everyone in the whole world!
You take pride in your appearance!
YOU like the way you look so don't let this one person bring you down!
xxx
Sandy

[KK77]

Maj is absolutely right: if it's not you then it'll be the next person, so try not to take it personally - or for that matter seriously. Criticising or insulting someone is actually very easy to do. You could have found something to dislike about the "chav" (apart from his stinking attitude).

The only way to deal with it is to give it the importance it deserves: absolutely none. If you know who you are then that's all that counts. It's all mindless bravado aimed at bigging up their fragile egos at someone else's expense. And when someone has very little self-esteem they put all their effort into their egos.

Chavs indeed...

[Vixxy]

Firstly I just wanted to say that I love love love red hair! I often see people with red hair and im envious of their beauty. So for all those tits out there that take the mick out of people with red hair, there are plenty more of us who are envious!
I agree with the people above me. Chavs say and do things to increase their own egos. They dont care who you are or if the insult even applies to you, its just done to be cool. Hopefully there will be some virus that only infects chavs, maybe chavitus? And turns them all back into normal people again.
Until then just keep your head up! Even if they do think youre "ewww" their opinion shouldnt matter to you. Theyre pond scum! You only need to worry about it if youre planning on pulling one :p

[goldilockz]

Thanks guys, you definitely put it into perspective for me. Sometimes I find counteracting the thoughts to be hard as they just come back thick and fast. I consider myself to be a confident and good person and I know who I am, but I feel ridiculously neurotic at the moment and whenever someone says or does something hurtful. You have managed to restore my faith in humanity: thank you. You're right, these people are only trying to big up their own fragile egos by putting others down. I hate the fact that it's so easy for them to do but so difficult for me to detach from. Alex, it wouldn't be difficult for me to find something horrible about the chav. I can't imagine he has done much good in his life at all, he certainly hasn't got a first class degree or done volunteer work as I have. I don't like putting other people down, even chavs, but in this case, I think they deserve it. How dare anyone be nasty to anyone else?! It infuriates me.
Vixxy: Thank you sweetheart. I have grown to love my red hair, having dyed it every colour under the sun when I was younger. People with red hair get a tough time though and it makes absolutely no sense. And there is no way in hell I'm planning on ever pulling a chav! Thanks again guys for making me feel loads better :D xxx

[KK77]

Thank God you're not thinking of pulling a chav! We have enough to deal with without chavitus and pond bacteria lol.

[Typer]

I love red hair too...always used to wish I was a redhead.

As one gets older, these things are less bothersome. You kind of develop an attitude of who cares type thing. But you dont have to wait until you are old.

A thing I used to do when someone really got to me was look at pictures of the earth from space - just to see how small and meaningless some comments are.

In the bigness of everything - these people are of no importance. Whereas, sensitive people like yourself are to be cherished