Looking for advice on my anxiety treatment with Citalopram

[myiguanodon]

Hi, I'm new to the site. Not really sure where to start, today hasn't been a particularly good day, I'm frustrated yet again, I want to be myself again and it's just not happening as quickly as I'd like, or as easily for that matter. I've always coped with anything life had to throw at me in the past and I struggle to understand why I can't just bounce back this time.

I've been signed off work for 8 1/2 weeks now with a "stress related problem". I'd been stressed out for a while before that, it had been building up for a long time and I just kept ignoring all the symptoms, not letting myself accept I needed to do something, until one morning I was driving to work and ended up parked outside the doctors surgery waiting for it to open as I just couldn't cope with any more.

The first two weeks just seem like a daze now, I couldn't settle, if I was in the house I was restless, if I was out in public the noise of everyone getting about their day to day lives annoyed the hell out of me. As I started to wind down into the 3rd week (with the help of exercises from a self help book the doctor advised me to use), I started to feel a pretty much constant feeling of anxiety and dread, and started to get anxiety attacks over really minor everyday things, I couldn't even manage to negotiate a weekly shop at Tesco.

At the start of week 4 I went back to the doctor and we agreed to start me on Citalopram at 10mg. The following couple of weeks were a bit of an emotional roller coaster, as well as quite a few side effects (which thankfully all seemed to subside). The third week on 10mg was more level, the anxiety attacks became less severe, but this constant feeling of anxiety and dread stayed.

At the start of week 7 I went back to the doctor and asked to take up an offer of a referral and also to up my dose from 10mg to 20mg. The following week was again a bit of a roller coaster, not helped by having to go and see the medical officer at work, which caused a anxiety attack the worst I'd had in weeks and vomiting again for the first time since I got signed off.

Things seemed to be improving towards the end of last week, I started seeing a counsellor, Wednesday wasn't too bad, Thursday I actually felt like myself, motivated, confident, no anxiety, Friday and Saturday were so so, but then the last few days I feel like I'm back where I was with this constant underlying feeling of anxiety and dread. Though I do seem to be controlling the attacks much better than in previous weeks.

I've never been the most patient of people, and I just feel so frustrated right now, not knowing when I'll feel better, whether I just need to be patient and things will improve, whether I need to ask my doctor about upping my dose again, and what to? Whether it's the right medication for me?

I'm hoping there's someone online who's been through similar and has any advice. Sorry to bore you with my babbling, normally I keep all this stuff inside, but the past while I just seem to want to talk to anyone who'll listen.

Thanks
Dale

[GlasgowGuy]

Sorry to hear your story mate. If it helps any it seems a lot of us on the forum go through the similar rollercoaster. I get really impatient and frustrated to due to fact it takes a wee while for a/d's to kick in.

The key is to try and be as patient as you can. Be right as rain before you know it.

[myiguanodon]

Thanks GlasgowGuy, I've just gotta keep thinking one day I'll feel better and then it this time won't seem like it matters so much as it does now. It just seems at times that I'm working against myself and not helping the anxiety with worrying about whether I'll get better.

[sheephead]

I just feel so frustrated right now, not knowing when I'll feel better, whether I just need to be patient and things will improve, whether I need to ask my doctor about upping my dose again, and what to? Whether it's the right medication for me?

This is exacly me at the moment. Recently had my dose upped from 20 to 30 and I'm not feeling at all well. I'm just trying to think positively and assume that the meds will work eventually. I did get some respite for a few weeks after I started on 20, so I assume this means the drug can have a positive effect on me.

You have had some good days recently - focus on them - perhaps that will be the start of you feeling better more, on a more regular basis.

Good luck

[steveo1980]

This is exacly me at the moment. Recently had my dose upped from 20 to 30 and I'm not feeling at all well. I'm just trying to think positively and assume that the meds will work eventually. I did get some respite for a few weeks after I started on 20, so I assume this means the drug can have a positive effect on me.

You have had some good days recently - focus on them - perhaps that will be the start of you feeling better more, on a more regular basis.

Good luck

same here.

should you not have stayed on 20mg or did the good days wear off?

[sheephead]

same here.

should you not have stayed on 20mg or did the good days wear off?

20 worked for a good month or so ( after the initial side effects). It was going well, but then it all went wrong. Started feeling lousy again. This got progressively worse for a few
weeks, ending in my gp upping the dose.

[GlasgowGuy]

The first two weeks just seem like a daze now, I couldn't settle, if I was in the house I was restless, if I was out in public the noise of everyone getting about their day to day lives annoyed the hell out of me.Dale

Just noticed you typed that there lol. That is me to a tea but still feeling it. Restless and frustrated whenever I'm in the house and want to get out. I go out and feel overwhelmed/tense and want to go back to the house

Think we should take it as a good sign that is an indicator we want to get better.

[myiguanodon]

You have had some good days recently - focus on them - perhaps that will be the start of you feeling better more, on a more regular basis.

I think Tuesday evening was a combination of having a bad day and running low on being able to see the positives in all this. Yesterday didn't start much better on the anxiety front, but I tried to be more positive. Went for a long drive, which always seems to distract my head from some of the anxiety.

Had a further set back with a long running land dispute between my parents and their neighbour blowing up again. Been spending more time with the parents recently and was there at the time so it set off an anxiety attack, but I managed to stop myself from vomiting, I got myself back down to an ok level with the exercises within an hour. I feel that's progress on a couple of weeks ago. Opened a bottle of wine when I got home, but only had a glass. Before I started meds I would have seen the bottle disappear, so gotta take that as a plus too.

Still a bit on edge with it all today, but I'm seeing my counsellor at 11, so I'm hoping having her to natter to will help too.

[sheephead]

Good luck with the counsellor.
And well done with the wine. I know what you mean; I used alcohol as a crutch (although I never felt it got out of hand) whereas now I rarely have more than one or two.
Driving sets off my anxiety! See - there's always someone more messed up than you!!

[myiguanodon]

Thanks, I think it went well, it brightened me up a little so gotta be a good thing, and I've got some stuff to try and work on, which I'm hoping will help appease my impatience some.

I think we sound similar with the booze, definitely has been a crutch for me too, and kept it in check. Though there were days I was so tempted when I first got signed off, gave me a new appreciation for how people get to the point where they turn to it all the time.

Hope you're having an okay day.

[myiguanodon]

Thought I'd update this after being to my GP today.

I've been signed off again, until 17th Sept this time, wants me to have been to have been to my graduate mental health worker appointment before he sees me again, which is not till 14th Sept. Not feeling great about being signed off again and for so long, which is a bit stupid as it was me who told him I still didn't feel like I could cope with work, and am quite sure I would have had a massive anxiety attack if he hadn't signed me off again.

We discussed my Cit dose and agreed to go upto 40mg, I'm really not so sure now, and am worried about doubling up after reading other posts about Cit increases on NMP.

My head has been getting worse over the last week, feeling like all my thoughts are running round at 100mph and I can't even get them to slow down to work out what they are. Started with a spell one night before I went to bed last week and seems to have become a regular morning event, to the point where today it woke me up at 5am and finally calmed a couple of hours ago.

My head was like this when I first went off sick, and when I started on the Cit it stopped it. So when my head was like this this morning all I could think was I needed to do something to make it stop, and think this affected my discussion about my Cit dose.

I also dunno if this is all the stuff I'm anxious about wanting to come out, and if it is, is keeping it in with meds the right thing to do, what if suppressing it all means I won't stop my anxiety?

Sorry again for another ranting post.