Livie0208
23-08-10, 14:01
Hi, I dont know what I am want when I write this, maybe I think it will make me feel better to write things down so here goes: -
In August 2009 I was diagnosed with Anxiety Depression, from nowhere came anxiety attacks, fear, loneliness and complete despair. I eventually managed to sort myself and gain some control back with alot of help from the local mental health team, my gp and my partner. Since then I have always felt as though I was fighting a battle against anxiety everyday.
A few weeks ago I found out that a friend's ex-boyfriend was found dead, he was a year younger than me and it shocked me to the core, from that date 3 weeks ago I somehow obsessed over it - I used to think to myself "imagine what he was thinking as he fell into the river, was he too drunk to know what happened to him, what are his family going through and what about his baby son", I couldnt get it out of my head. I started to get over it and everything seemed to go back to normal but last night, me and my partner were lying in bed and somehow the conversation got on to death, and my partner asked me if I was afraid of death, as soon as he said it I knew a nerve had been touched, we talked a little more and then I rolled over to go to sleep and then it hit, anxiety - I was agitated and was an adrenaline rush was constantly running through my body, I felt sick, sweaty and shakey, I felt sick to the pit of my stomach. I got out of bed an came downstairs to try and take my mind off it but it didnt, I played around on this website for a little while trying to make myself feel better but as soon as I stopped the thoughts would come straight back, I went to the spare bedroom to try and sleep and the thoughts kept coming so I listened to some relaxation mp3 downloads on my phone, it helped and I fell asleep but I was waking every 15 mins, after an hour I went bak to my bed and refused to be scared anymore and unplugged my earphones and went to sleep, I woke a couple of times but it was broken sleep.
I woke up at 7am and felt okish, I called my partner at work to tell him about what happened during the night and I went to pieces, crying, feeling sick again and having headaches, he came straight home and I just sobbed and sobbed. I later spoke to my auntie who has been though a similar thing, she was fantastic, telling me to be positive and I will get through this like I did last time and I felt great but now I feel all helpless again. I am so scared and I dont even know what of anymore, I am scared about whether or not I will sleep tonight, I dont know where to turn anymore. :weep:
In August 2009 I was diagnosed with Anxiety Depression, from nowhere came anxiety attacks, fear, loneliness and complete despair. I eventually managed to sort myself and gain some control back with alot of help from the local mental health team, my gp and my partner. Since then I have always felt as though I was fighting a battle against anxiety everyday.
A few weeks ago I found out that a friend's ex-boyfriend was found dead, he was a year younger than me and it shocked me to the core, from that date 3 weeks ago I somehow obsessed over it - I used to think to myself "imagine what he was thinking as he fell into the river, was he too drunk to know what happened to him, what are his family going through and what about his baby son", I couldnt get it out of my head. I started to get over it and everything seemed to go back to normal but last night, me and my partner were lying in bed and somehow the conversation got on to death, and my partner asked me if I was afraid of death, as soon as he said it I knew a nerve had been touched, we talked a little more and then I rolled over to go to sleep and then it hit, anxiety - I was agitated and was an adrenaline rush was constantly running through my body, I felt sick, sweaty and shakey, I felt sick to the pit of my stomach. I got out of bed an came downstairs to try and take my mind off it but it didnt, I played around on this website for a little while trying to make myself feel better but as soon as I stopped the thoughts would come straight back, I went to the spare bedroom to try and sleep and the thoughts kept coming so I listened to some relaxation mp3 downloads on my phone, it helped and I fell asleep but I was waking every 15 mins, after an hour I went bak to my bed and refused to be scared anymore and unplugged my earphones and went to sleep, I woke a couple of times but it was broken sleep.
I woke up at 7am and felt okish, I called my partner at work to tell him about what happened during the night and I went to pieces, crying, feeling sick again and having headaches, he came straight home and I just sobbed and sobbed. I later spoke to my auntie who has been though a similar thing, she was fantastic, telling me to be positive and I will get through this like I did last time and I felt great but now I feel all helpless again. I am so scared and I dont even know what of anymore, I am scared about whether or not I will sleep tonight, I dont know where to turn anymore. :weep: