Playing the victim:Self Pity

[Lion King]

Hi there,

Not been on in a while! Just started to feel quite low about myself, feel undervalued in my job, underpaid and overlooked! After having such a long period of self positiveness and self belief I have started to slip back down into a rut, this happened from things at work not going my way! As this was happening I felt like I was above criticism as I was doing such a great job, when I did get criticised I pushed myself into mood of self pity, self remorse as I didn't want to accept the harsh reality instead of this rose tinted perspective on life that I had.

I wallowed in self pity for 4 days before realising that maybe I needed to change my way of thinking before dragging myself down the slippery slope of feeling worthless. In the end I decided the next way was to spin the situation around by adopting not just positive thinking but also self belief, become strong minded as well as strong in character and rise above it all. i don't think I am special or better than anyone else, I've just got to stand up otherwise I will become part of the background where life is dull!

If nobody replies it don't matter, its just a way of venting my frustrations and making me feel better and hopefully at the same time hits a chord with some folk!

All the best!

LK

[leafar]

I've never had a problem with self pity. I don't know why people make such a big deal out of it, and I think people confuse self pity (which I think is ok) with wallowing in self pity. But having said that, there comes a time when you have to pick yourself up, be harsh with yourself, and see the funny side. It's a question of shifting from a negative, melodramatic wavelength to a positive one, which involves humour, and to an extent, seeing things in black and white. Things look different depending on which wavelength you're at. What matters one moment can seem ridiculous the next, and the trick is to be in the "zone" as often as possible. That way, at least you have one foot in reality most if not all of the time, and you know what it looks like, and you can remind yourself of it.

[Desprate Dan]

I think if we are honest we all have been guilty of this at sometime, and why not there is nothing wrong with feeling a little self pitty from time to time. The problem is when u start blaming your problems on others, society etc.. We are all victims its how we deal with it which makes us different..

[Lion King]

Thanks for the comments!

I've felt different again today, took self belief a step further.

I find that I try to do too much at once and then get overwhelmed by how much i take on, I've realised that I need self discipline so that I can get the crap out of the way and move onto the good stuff, its just I want to get to the good stuff straight away. It's time to put in the hard work, organise my life and get on with it, a positive stride in the right direction and stop being so self absorbed!

Take a step back and look at life in a different perspective! I realised when I was at my worst with anxiety I used positive affirmation to concrete my thoughts into a set mindset (sounds like brainwashing:)), eventually as I got better the world seemed so much brighter, I was tuned into the +ve before the negative had any effect, the -ve became positive (Sounds right cheesy but Lance Armstrong book "Its not about the Bike" gave me some real inspiration, he took the fight on and won one of the hardest battles in life! This certainly put life into perspective!).

Keep well you two

LK

[blueangel]

Good comments - self pity can be a real destroyer and I think we've all been there at some point, but you have to pick yourself up out of it and get on with life. You sound as though you're getting to know yourself well, which is always a good way to deal with anxiety/depression conditions. This is one of the things that I learnt from an excellent counsellor about 10 years ago and it's been very helpful.

[Lion King]

I woke up this morning at 2am, I couldn't get back to sleep - my mind was working overtime, I laid in bed for an hour trying to get back to sleep but failed! In the end I got out of bed and decided to put my mind at rest by writing all that was in my head onto the laptop. I cleared all my thoughts about troubles at work that was stressing me out by clearly outlining to my immediate superior how I was being made to feel and the promises that had been made to me in the last two years. At 5am I had finished, I sent the e-mail to my works address to study further. At that point I needed my bed.

I got to work and my boss came to visit me, this gave me the ideal oppurtunity to lay my issues down on the line. He responded by showing how he appreciated my honesty about the situation, I won't go into detail but I felt much better for not dwelling on problems and dealing direct and getting things of my chest. I may not get where I want to be but at least I feel better about myself for doing it.

The next time I can't sleep I'm going to write my thoughts down. I was told this was a method used by Arsene Wenger (Arsenal Manager), if he woke in the night with an idea he would keep a pad of paper at the side of his bed and write them down, this to him was a way of clearing his mind so he could deal with his thoughts later. Arsene has become a very successful manager, and I am sure this is part of his success, so I'm going to use this in the future.

Feeling sorry for myself is a state of mind, I found I put myself there too easy but this has more than likely been a natural family trait, I need strong affirmations to keep strong mentally more naturally to get what I want out of life. I will pursue the next chapter in my life of self discovery.

All my thoughtsin a snapshot!

LK