Spudgun
27-02-06, 11:17
I'm 26 years old and for my whole life have thought that every little little thing was going to kill me. Over the years I've thought I've had testicular cancer, hodgkins lymphoma, bone cancer, brain tumour, throat cancer, bowel cancer. I've been for chest x-rays for chest pains etc... Have you noticed a pattern? My doctor has diagnosed me with anxiety and suggested hypnosis, but at £60 a session with 5 sessions recommended I just can't afford it!
For the last 7 months I've had lower back pain on the left-hand side. I've been to to the doctor, I've been to orthopaedic and a month ago I had facet joint injections. Its probably all my fault since I'm big and a year ago I decided to turn my life around and since then I have lost 5 stone. The diaognosis was postural and if I lost weight it would get better I was told. To be fair it's not quite as bad as it was, but it really is unpleasant with the different sensations and all that.
The thing is I can never fully believe them and that something terrible is happening to me. Its lingering and everyday when I get up and its not better I get very low. I then questiuon whether its my back at all and start getting worked up that its a problem with my kidneys. Because I've been working hard on losing the weight, I keep asking myself if its really me doing the losing or if its BECAUSE something terrible is happening to me. I mentioned this to my doctor who said he was sure it wasn't. I'm in terrible fear that they have missed something and that I'm going to die. Christmas was terrible because I convinced myself it was my last one. I keep telling myself if it was something really bad that it would have got even worse, but I'm just sick of the whole thing. I keep thinking back to a holiday I took with my partner a few weeks before this kicked off where I was so happy and I well up just thinking about it and want to feel like that again. I just can't see an end in sight.
I constantly lay awake at night, worrying, panicing, going hot and cold with fear with 'what ifs', 'nobody cares what happens to me', I want to be normal again', 'its not fair' , why me. Sometimes I feel so afraid I feel sick.
I've read that stress and anxiety can prolong such problems like mine and can sometimes keep them going or even cause things like this. Am I keeping it all in my head? Have I recovered but my brain is hanging on to it?
I get upset and angry because my father has been through so much, back injuries with stuff similar to me, heart attacks, bypass operations and yet he's happy and not in a pit of despair like me. I want to be like him!
I've stopped googling now because I know it's the worst thing you can do, but I still have the powerful memories of what I've read.
For the last 7 months I've had lower back pain on the left-hand side. I've been to to the doctor, I've been to orthopaedic and a month ago I had facet joint injections. Its probably all my fault since I'm big and a year ago I decided to turn my life around and since then I have lost 5 stone. The diaognosis was postural and if I lost weight it would get better I was told. To be fair it's not quite as bad as it was, but it really is unpleasant with the different sensations and all that.
The thing is I can never fully believe them and that something terrible is happening to me. Its lingering and everyday when I get up and its not better I get very low. I then questiuon whether its my back at all and start getting worked up that its a problem with my kidneys. Because I've been working hard on losing the weight, I keep asking myself if its really me doing the losing or if its BECAUSE something terrible is happening to me. I mentioned this to my doctor who said he was sure it wasn't. I'm in terrible fear that they have missed something and that I'm going to die. Christmas was terrible because I convinced myself it was my last one. I keep telling myself if it was something really bad that it would have got even worse, but I'm just sick of the whole thing. I keep thinking back to a holiday I took with my partner a few weeks before this kicked off where I was so happy and I well up just thinking about it and want to feel like that again. I just can't see an end in sight.
I constantly lay awake at night, worrying, panicing, going hot and cold with fear with 'what ifs', 'nobody cares what happens to me', I want to be normal again', 'its not fair' , why me. Sometimes I feel so afraid I feel sick.
I've read that stress and anxiety can prolong such problems like mine and can sometimes keep them going or even cause things like this. Am I keeping it all in my head? Have I recovered but my brain is hanging on to it?
I get upset and angry because my father has been through so much, back injuries with stuff similar to me, heart attacks, bypass operations and yet he's happy and not in a pit of despair like me. I want to be like him!
I've stopped googling now because I know it's the worst thing you can do, but I still have the powerful memories of what I've read.