phil06
25-08-10, 06:17
Here I am at 5.30am this morning just can't sleep. Went to bed fairly relaxed. I was in a kind of half sleep but everything feels so foreign, last few nights I'm getting weird thoughts. It lasts all day..like I was close to not going out yesterday but still did but when I'm out I feel I know a place but I don't?
Objects, places seem unfamiliar and new. I describe this as a powerful sensation and it's unbearable, I feel desperate..I can't cope with it. It's at the stage now I don't know my own mind, I've lost myself. I get thoughts and they pass me like with no emotion, a numb feeling, it's quite hard to describe...
But my negative thought pattern the last few months has been: I'm dying, losing my mind, health anxiety, breakdowns, worrying about just going mad, not knowing what's ahead the next second.
It worries me as I'm out and stuff, it's just weird, crazy and foreign. I just struggle and get by. My head has pressure, it's tense..and I'm worried. I have so much adrenaline that goes through me. I feel trapped in a box and feel I'm shouting for help and nobody can help? I've had bizarre thoughts unlike other anxiety ones..or so it feels. I almost don't know how to help myself anymore. It started mild but after months it's so difficult and complex to explain. I've read up on depersonalization/derealization but can't always 100% accept it's that.
But my mind is not the same anymore, not me? I can't see a cure ahead...I don't know exactly what's got me to this stage as any stress I had came at the start of the year, and has now eased. Also making decisions and life worries sets me into a deeper state of this feeling. I can be in the shower and get a head surge of unreality. This is what worries me the worry that I lose reality..because I feel very close to at times. At work last weekend I was doing my job but I was there..but felt out my body, or more like I was a million miles away from the moment as my mind felt distant. Feels like there's alot of stuff going on.. but I'm not sure what was on my mind because it was just a normal shift.
I keep going on about it but feel I am suffering in silence, I try techniques like relaxation but little helps. I've bought Lavender and Rescue remedy to calm me more. I'm also on propranolol medication...when these attacks first started my whole body would be nervous and I was on Diazepam for a few weeks. It came about after failing a driving test, next day I was a wreck but managed two resits and have since gave up for now. I don't want to have to keep questioning my sanity like this at 5am on a forum? Is there anybody been through this with good tips?
I hear painting, music ect..but like I hate painting and reading..I am quite chronic and feel I need to worry. I sometimes sit and feel so unrelaxed and grouchy I want to be anxious just due to low mood, fatigue..other days it hits me I try everything to fight it off. About 9pm can be my panic type lately..I've sat and an urge of adrenaline hits me and I feel disoriented from my surroundings, eventually eases, but feel weird rest of the night. I can't lose the "fear"..but when it feels like this ..weird in a supermarket, work..feels like I'm helpless to it. I know if maybe the fear went maybe the symptom would? I also wonder if a few weeks better sleep, healthy eating would nip this one in the bud?
But anyway if I could cut it down into main words I'd say it feels adrenaline, weird, unreal..distant..question my identity, who I am..also suffering bad OCD which is not helping as I am hand washing and obsessing 20 times per day too. I may consider counselling and paying but I thought last night well I'm still going to have to work at this. Maybe there's lots of underlying anxiety? I feel like depressed, I'm 21 but 22 soon and feel I've done everything, my social life could be better I feel about 90, being single upsets me as it's been so long, then I get anger...but if this symptom goes on I don't know..I was in a period of not going over the door with this. I've got a bit better, bliped, bit better, super biped and it's like a huge weight pulling me down.
It's easy to say yes it's anxiety but that's not relieving me hence my long post. I have been as detailed as I can..I'm like 10/10 scared by this. I'm either A. Worried it's my health. B. Worried if it is just depersonalization I can't make it go away C. I'll go mad. D. I'll just die one day. I had the symptom mild in the past..but it would annoy me for a few hours, each day I got bored of it..THIS....it's awful, it's took over my life..
But where do I go now? I'm just a bit bamboozled by this..I feel ill some days, I want to stop asking for advice too....my life is almost on hold due to this feeling..as I won't travel far places case I lose my mind. :wacko::blush:
Objects, places seem unfamiliar and new. I describe this as a powerful sensation and it's unbearable, I feel desperate..I can't cope with it. It's at the stage now I don't know my own mind, I've lost myself. I get thoughts and they pass me like with no emotion, a numb feeling, it's quite hard to describe...
But my negative thought pattern the last few months has been: I'm dying, losing my mind, health anxiety, breakdowns, worrying about just going mad, not knowing what's ahead the next second.
It worries me as I'm out and stuff, it's just weird, crazy and foreign. I just struggle and get by. My head has pressure, it's tense..and I'm worried. I have so much adrenaline that goes through me. I feel trapped in a box and feel I'm shouting for help and nobody can help? I've had bizarre thoughts unlike other anxiety ones..or so it feels. I almost don't know how to help myself anymore. It started mild but after months it's so difficult and complex to explain. I've read up on depersonalization/derealization but can't always 100% accept it's that.
But my mind is not the same anymore, not me? I can't see a cure ahead...I don't know exactly what's got me to this stage as any stress I had came at the start of the year, and has now eased. Also making decisions and life worries sets me into a deeper state of this feeling. I can be in the shower and get a head surge of unreality. This is what worries me the worry that I lose reality..because I feel very close to at times. At work last weekend I was doing my job but I was there..but felt out my body, or more like I was a million miles away from the moment as my mind felt distant. Feels like there's alot of stuff going on.. but I'm not sure what was on my mind because it was just a normal shift.
I keep going on about it but feel I am suffering in silence, I try techniques like relaxation but little helps. I've bought Lavender and Rescue remedy to calm me more. I'm also on propranolol medication...when these attacks first started my whole body would be nervous and I was on Diazepam for a few weeks. It came about after failing a driving test, next day I was a wreck but managed two resits and have since gave up for now. I don't want to have to keep questioning my sanity like this at 5am on a forum? Is there anybody been through this with good tips?
I hear painting, music ect..but like I hate painting and reading..I am quite chronic and feel I need to worry. I sometimes sit and feel so unrelaxed and grouchy I want to be anxious just due to low mood, fatigue..other days it hits me I try everything to fight it off. About 9pm can be my panic type lately..I've sat and an urge of adrenaline hits me and I feel disoriented from my surroundings, eventually eases, but feel weird rest of the night. I can't lose the "fear"..but when it feels like this ..weird in a supermarket, work..feels like I'm helpless to it. I know if maybe the fear went maybe the symptom would? I also wonder if a few weeks better sleep, healthy eating would nip this one in the bud?
But anyway if I could cut it down into main words I'd say it feels adrenaline, weird, unreal..distant..question my identity, who I am..also suffering bad OCD which is not helping as I am hand washing and obsessing 20 times per day too. I may consider counselling and paying but I thought last night well I'm still going to have to work at this. Maybe there's lots of underlying anxiety? I feel like depressed, I'm 21 but 22 soon and feel I've done everything, my social life could be better I feel about 90, being single upsets me as it's been so long, then I get anger...but if this symptom goes on I don't know..I was in a period of not going over the door with this. I've got a bit better, bliped, bit better, super biped and it's like a huge weight pulling me down.
It's easy to say yes it's anxiety but that's not relieving me hence my long post. I have been as detailed as I can..I'm like 10/10 scared by this. I'm either A. Worried it's my health. B. Worried if it is just depersonalization I can't make it go away C. I'll go mad. D. I'll just die one day. I had the symptom mild in the past..but it would annoy me for a few hours, each day I got bored of it..THIS....it's awful, it's took over my life..
But where do I go now? I'm just a bit bamboozled by this..I feel ill some days, I want to stop asking for advice too....my life is almost on hold due to this feeling..as I won't travel far places case I lose my mind. :wacko::blush: