andrew england 2
27-02-06, 14:12
It is now monday afternoon and I have reached rock bottom the truth is I do not know my way out of this way I am now, ending up in hospital from alcohol withdrawl when alcohol is the only thing that makes me feel better and having experienced not drinking and having no relief from sobriety and knowing none of the services I have recieved from the nhs work leave me btw the devil and the deep blue sea and wondering now if the way I have lived my life has done permanent damage to myself and this is the way I must live the rest of my life leaves me not wanting to die but it does leave me not wanting to continue. I do know that it has been the advent of the internet that has allowed me to 1) mature and understand that I am just like everyone else and could have a place in life and be relatively successful in work and in love 2) learn that all the many things I felt made me actually insane are all very common aspects of the condition of anxiety/depression. But back in the old days a 5 min visit to a doctor and takes these pills and a self help book off a library shelf about fight or flight did absolutly nothing for me but offer me tempoary false hope and it is true that there is nothing worse than false hope and all I have left is a burnt out mind a soul broken by trying so many times and failing every time. If only the internet and all its fabulous access to resources and people had been available 20 yrs ago I would not be living in this burnt out shell.