Holding back the tide

[Alex33.33]

Where to begin? I'm 34 and have had panic attacks and anxiety since I was 18. But in the past year, since starting a new, very pressured job, both have got out of control and are starting to invade my life in a way that they haven't for years. Experience and knowledge don't help. Why? I know I'm not having a heart attack, I know i'm not going to die...but every wave of panic is enough in itself to scare me to death and make me want to run and hide. I'm reduced to being a fully grown man who feels like a petrified child. Sweating, trembling, can't breath, heart pounding... and here's the worst thing, there's nothing in my life I'm unhappy about. Great job, which I have to force myself to do, despite the fact i enjoy it. Great Family, supportive and kind...but they don't understand how i actually feel. Just started taking Citalopram which has hit me for six. First medication since Prozac as a teenager. Done counselling. Done Hypnotherapy. I'm trying this forum, because I just want to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this. Which sounds desperate.

[jothenurse]

You're not the only one that has the panic attacks. You will find plenty of support here and tips from people.

[Alex33.33]

I realise that is true. But it's so difficult. I sometimes feel alien in a crowd, or even in close company. It's been so long that this has been going on for, and to be honest, I bore myself to death with the thinking about it. When I'm ok, I feel like I can't recall how bloody awful it feels, then it happens again, and I can't remember feeling 'normal'. I read this, and think 'self pity', but it isn't , I'm surrounded by people telling me how good I am, kind I am, what a good dad, what a good husband, but it doesn't shake it...

[Night_Owl]

Hi Alex
You're definitely not alone that could have been me writing that,I'm a few years older than yourself and have been suffering for about the same amount of time.Like yourself I'm quite happy with life,have a nice job but am plauged by anxiety and panic attacks which control everything that I do.

Yes it is very hard to find people who understand I've been to a couple of meetups of anxiety sufferers,which was really great to meet others in the same boat but non of them had experienced panic attacks.

It may be worthwhile searching for a support group local to you,there's a few meetups and get togethers organized on here i'm hoping to get along to one very soon as I sure it will be a great benefit.

[so shaky]

Hi Alex
I am new here too and recognise the things you say in your post so well. When panic strikes (like it did last night after not having one for ages) it seems as though I instantly forget all the the things I've learned and its as though its the first time its ever happened all over again. Its all so scary and I feel I have no control over my body or my mind. Like you say I know I'm not having a heart attack or anything but I just can't stop the awful feeling taking me over. I have come on the internet tonight to remind myself of all the things I can do that help. I find breathing techniques help - if only because you have to concentrate on something other than the horrible thoughts and helps to stop me feeling shaky. I drink lots of water and cut out caffiene. Meditation/hypnosis cds have been an absolute godsend... time out from thoughts. Anything that may help is worth a try!

[Alex33.33]

Me too last night. My wife was brilliant although it is still very embarrassing. Not at all fair and god knows how i'd feel if I saw her like that. I agree about the water and the caffeine, and in fairness, hangovers also trigger it, so I am tending to avoid alcohol. I find it difficult when so many people have so many complementary things to say, and point to the point to the positives and I hear them, and know it, but can't feel it...
And Thank you, night Owl, have looked into a support group on this forum and am awaiting a reply.