Please help, feel so terrible

[anxiouschick]

I've been taking citalopram for about 2.5 years now. I was on 20, but managed to wean to 10 last year. Was doing quite well, but I've gone downhill rapidly this yr and panic is now through the roof.

I've had a really stressful time recently with miscarriage and death of my mother in law, so Doctor advised me to go back up to 20mg. I managed 5 days on them, but felt hyper and anxious with racing thoughts, so dropped down to the 10 again. This was last week, but then since then I've felt like hell on earth.

I'm getting terrible panic attacks through the night and have spent most of today sobbing because I feel so tired and horrendous.

I'm meant to be going on holiday on the 11th Sept to the south of france via train. This is filling me with absolute dread, as I don't feel up to it at the moment. I've rang to try and cancel, but we will lose nearly all of our money.

Just don't know what to do for the best any more. Don't know if I'm feeling so bad because I adjusted the dose and dropped again, or whether my panic has just generally got much worse because of recent circumstances and worry about holiday.

Please help

[alicegreen]

I really feel for you, its such a downward spiral when you cant sleep then feel anxious and uptight through the day. I know that have come to dread bedtime for fear of the panic attacks, and have not slept more than 4 hours at best but more often 2 hours a night for about 6 weeks now.
I know that i hit a real anxious spot tjis weekend almost into my 3rd week of sertraline and the dr has given me betablockers to help with the anxiety, which do seem to be helping.
I suspect its a combination of things making you worse, you have been through a dreadful experience and maybe the thought of going away right now is just too much. I do sympathise as im not good away from home at the best of times, and holidays dont appeal to me like they do most people, strange creature that i am!
Is anyone with you right now to comfort you?

[anxiouschick]

thanks for your reply. Yes my husband is with me and is trying to calm me down.

He says that we can just cancel the holiday, but I feel so awful as we will lose quite a lot of money.

I'm ringing in sick tomorrow, which is making me feel slightly better, as I least I know I can lie in tomorrow if I get no sleep.

Hope you're feeling better

[alicegreen]

Well it's great that your husband is so supportive, and maybe give yourself a few days and see how you feel about the holiday then, at least you know that he is willing to cancel if need be.

Phoning in sick is a good idea with how you are feeling right now, and if it relieves some of the pressure and worry you will probably have a better night for knowing that anyway.

If you are alone and frightened in the night NHS direct can always be called. A lovely nurse spent about 20 minutes talking to me yesterday and said to call back whenever I need to. My hubby has been brilliant but he is exhausted himself from my night-time anxiety. Last night he actually slept in our Son's top bunk bed! I ended up distracting myself by coming online here!

Everything seems worse at night doesn't it?:hugs:

[silenticecream]

I cant begin to relate to your recent losses, I can only say that its clear that you arent giving up, that you are fighting, and you clearly have an inner strength that may not always be apparent to you. I can only suggest that you see this holiday as a temporary respite from everything thats going on. Bit of sun, different surroundings, glass of wine D...sure you could feel like crap when you get there, but at least you can get a tan! Dont mean to be facetious, and im sorry if i come across like that - im about to book myself a holiday for next month, and thinking about getting away is like a beacon for me amidst the darkness. You will be with someone who loves you and who you love in return in an environment where you can take a few deep breaths and come back refreshed. God I suck at giving reassurance :blush:, especially when you dont know the person you are talking to (what "type" of anxiety etc they have, their sense of humour etc)! Maybe im just trying to reassure myself? :wacko:
Hope everything works out ok for you,
Gav

[anxiouschick]

Alice, my husband is worn out with me too at the moment. Might try NHS direct if I have a bad night. Hope you manage to have a good night tonight. How are you feeling now?

Re the holiday silentcream, I just don't think I could cope with it at the moment. I'm going to be in unfamiliar surroundings, and it will cost a lot of money to come home if we have to cut it short. I just know my anxiety will rocket even more if I feel I'm trapped somewhere.

I don't know whether to try and up the citalopram again, or just stick to the 10mg and see if I improve. Hard to see how I can with the state I'm in at the moment :-(. Have got an appt at Doctors on Wed, so will chat to her and see what she thinks.

[so shaky]

Hi anxious chick - I always find its best to talk changes through with the GP first - especially as it sounds as though you can talk easily to her. Be glad that your husband uderstands and doesn't mind if you need to cancel and allow yourself to be relieved about that - if he's not going to nag you about it then follow his lead and don't nag yourself either!!! :D

[cheryl_84]

Please dont feel bad and go and see your doctor if you can - ive been there with trying to come down on my mg's and i also had a difficult period after i had done this. you are not alone, if increasing your meds is the way to go then do it. hope u feel better soon xxx

[alicegreen]

I would discuss the meds with the doctor too. Ive also got my review appointment on wednesday and not sure if i want to stay on sertraline after yesterday but i do feel nervous about trying something different.
Hmmm, its hard for those that support us too isn't it?

[silenticecream]

Hey again, I really hope that everything is working out for you at the mo. Im so self-absorbed at the minute, I have to a large degree been able to deal with my crippling social anxiety (still single though :blush:, and a bit alone, but nevermind), from barely leaving the house for a couple of years to going on a month long trip to south east asia last year with a bunch of randoms! I forgot how hard it can be. Just dont feel like you are letting anyone down if you dont go- look after your well being, and deal with this as best as you can. Ive now run out of cliches :whistles: