here it goes again.....

[neonpink_smurf]

wow this is such hard work, for ages i was better then the thoughts come back worse than before! I know every time i seem to write on here, its like i'm repeating the same things but thoughts are drivin me crazy and i can't seem to just let them go..
I feel like a freak at the moment, i had the same weird thought about 5 months ago and somehow let it go then but now its back.. It all started when my dad was leaving and i kissed him good bye and then was like "what if i proper kissed him?" of course i thought i was freak and cried and cried thinking i was some weird pervert with some sort of demented mind! this was mid jan but i was calmed down by my boyfriend and i thought i'd dealt with it, then in counselling on friday it came up again and i've just been driving myself mental with it, i nearly had a panic attack on friday and for past few days have been feeling disgusted and worried about going home on thursday.. Please please does someone have any idea what i can do? I know i should just let it go, that it doesn't mean anything and i keep saying that to myself and that it doesn't mean anything, that i just made myself paranoid but does anyone have ideas, how can i just let it go??? Thanks and sorry for rambling on again

[jackie]

just let it go. it is just a product of your tiredness and wrong thinking. it is like the nervously ill patient who is a nurse and feels she may kill one of her patients. or the midwife who is suffering with nervous tension who fears she will harm a baby. you just have to let it go. you no you would never do these things, in your heart you no this. make this be the truth as it is and let it go. read claire weekes books about the warped things that people think when they are nervously ill. in fact they are the kindest peolpe to others and only hurt themselves really

you are like this to. be kind to yourself. it is only a thought. let it go. even if you cant at the moment, no that it is just a thought

hope i am not going on.

you are not alone with these strange things
jackie

[Jason37]

Hello.
The patterns of human love and affection are pretty bloody complex and complicated at the best of times!
I really don't think it takes very much at all to get your inward feelings about those sorts of things mixed up. I'm certain most people do at some stage of their lives. To be honest I would consider someone more of a freak if thoughts like that HADN'T occurred to them at some point. Certainly it would imply an unusual lack of natural curiosity.
There are many things that may warrant being hard on oneself or worried about oneself, but harmless musings on sex and sexuality aren't really what I would include. In fact I think fantasising about them is much healthier than pretending they don't exist.
I hope you feel better in here and find your own way to not worrying about it, soon. Very best wishes and lots of luck.
Jason

[sal]

Hi hun

Thoughts have been my biggest problem so far, they were thoughts but at the time i didnt believe that at all. I obssessed about them and they became reality in my head although the actions didnt follow through. I know how you feel and i prayed just to feel down or anxious without those horrible thoughts. Here if you want to talk.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".

[doddy]

Neo,

the more and more you try to ignore this thought the more it will be there, its a fact....thats just the way our minds work, its the way everyones mind works.....tell some not to think about something and of course immediately they do.

i like you have had numerous odd thoughts.......and thats all they are.

this might interest you but when you originally posted i was reading your post with my wife, she doesnt suffer with anxiety but after reading it she said thats so strange as when your dad was leaving yesterday i thought god what happens if i put my tongue in!!!.........she was laughing as she said this to me.....the point im getting at is that everyone has thoughts like your having its just your dwelling and worrying about it.....and as you dwell and you worry you give it more power...and the cycle begins again.

I read at the weekend that over 85% of all underground tube passengers had thought "imagine if i pushed this guy in front under the in coming tube"......and porbably most of this 85% just smiled and didnt give it another thought.....but you or when I was anxious would have mused and plyed with that one all day and by the end of it convinved ourselves we are axe murdering physcos!!!!

so its not your thoughts that are the problem!!!!!!!!!! everyone has them...you are completly normal in that its just your worrying about them.

i know its hard but youll be fine.

have you read Claire Weekes books???

im not saying this would work for everyone..but when i had odd thoughts and i mean really nasty odd ones which i knew id never do....i said right..close my eyes and really imagine doing it...really in great detail.......first few times really scared me but to be honest after about two weeks when doing this i actually started to laugh as it was so laughable and bizare.....

[Trev]

Hi Smurf,

Doddy and Nige are totally right.

I was at the London Anxiety Conference with Doddy (I hope you and your wife are well by the way mate).
The guy that ran the conference and is a leader in this field is a man called Prof Salvakis (or something close to that!).
Anyway, I was at one of his talks where he went into this whole thing of sticky, weird thoughts as it forms the basis of many people's problems. What the Prof was saying was that we ALL get these thoughts but we will never act on them. Another common one he gets is people thinking they might mollest their children. Doddy's example of the tube is a classic. I know I've thought that one before!!!

Remember, the very fact that they disturb you so much is proof that there is no way you actually want to do the thing you are thinking of!!

Also, most of the population have the same thoughts as you and if they say they don't they are lying!!! :D It's a natural process. Thousands of thoughts go through our head every day and most just slip away into the ether. You are not alone. :D

All the best,
Trev

[neonpink_smurf]

Thanks everyone for replying! Sometimes i feel like such a burden to my boyfriend so its really good to have someone else to talk to for a change! I think i spend so much time trying to control thoughts and over analyse their meanings when maybe they have no real meaning at all.. and my boyfriend who doesn't get anxiety said he had the same thought as me before but he just forgets about it.. i think thats the difference between anxious people (well me!) and others!! but the more i talk to my friends and get them to open up i realised that a lot of them worry just as much as me but are better at letting them go..
I just dwell and dwell and make myself more paranoid but even though i know this i still can't stop it! I just wonder why we have so many thoughts when half the time they have no real meaning! and how do you figure out which ones mean something important and which ones don't, i assume you just know! I have to start trusting myself more (that was my new years resolution!!)
Sorry about the blabbing, this was just supposed to be a post to say thank you to everyone who replied and thanks to Nigel who replies to the majority of my thought posts and reassures me!