Return of side effects - please help

[lard]

someone please help me, i'm feeling like a mad man.
I am on day 32 of citalopram at 20mgs a day in morning, i've had usual side effects of raised anxiety, raised depression and insomnia. By week 3 they started to go away and i finally thought i was begining to get better, i had a good weekend last weekend and was able to enjoy my family and play with my 2 young children. Then last monday i pranged the works van, negative thinking kicked in and i feel overwelming guilt and stupidity.
I also suffer from OCD so the rumination begin, the what ifs also started.
Then on Tuesday night i had panic attacks, not as strong as before probably due to meds, cant be sure, but since then all the side effects i orginally had have come back, extreme anxiety, cripling depression and insomina, i was wake for 5 hours last night feeling terrible and unable to go back to sleep. I know its still technically early days and probably a blip but i feel demoralised and like i'll never make progress and get better. I feel like a freak and like i'm living in a goldfish bowl. I cant afford not to work as we are buying new house soon and need income so work is so so hard. How do people cope with this illness and why does it make everything so hard? I look at my friends and brother with envy, why me? why cant i be normal?

[sheephead]

Hi Lard
I'm in a very similar position. I got increased from 20 to 30 about 4 weeks ago. I had a couple of really bad weeks then things gradually got better. I had a really good weekend just gone, and then yesterday while I was at work it all seemed to go wrong. The anxiety was back and I felt ready to drop from exhaustion. Last night was terrible; i felt on the verge of a panic attack the whole time (although it didn't escalate into one) and, as a result, I had a terrible night's sleep - awake every couple of hours.
I can sympathise with everything you're feeling as it sounds like we're at a similar point. Even down to the house! In fact, we accepted an offer on our house yesterday - I was wondering if that contributed to my relapse but, if I'm honest, I was feeling crap before that happened.
Work is a big struggle - I have a meeting at 10 this morning and I'm dreading it (for no good reason, I know).
We both need to treat this as a blip. I think the key to this is that we can't just wait for the anxiety to go away of its own accord. We need to get to a point where we accept that it won't do us any real harm and carry on regardless. At this point, the anxiety will lose its power over us, whether its caused by the illness or the treatment. Easier said than done, I know.
As for the other thing, you would be amazed how many people you know who have similar difficulties. They are probably sat there now thinking that you are the lucky one for being "normal" as they'll have no idea what you're going through.

[lard]

Hi sheephead
I cant believe that there is someone else out there who feels the same as me! Thought i was the only one and felt like a freak! Not saying your a freak thou mate!
Do you also suffer with OCD or is it just anxiety thats causing you problems?
Keep in touch mate PM me if you like, be good to check how each of us are doing.
Lard

[sheephead]

Have pm'd you. Let me know how you're getting on

[lard]

pm sent