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View Full Version : I witnessed a suicide last night.



trooper
31-08-10, 15:15
Living life to the full is a mantra we all know, most likely endevour to follow, but it can be so hard to follow when you're bogged down by the daily grind of depressive and / or anxious feelings, and the associate negative thoughts that come with it.

I live in a tall block of apartments in central London, yesterday was a bank holiday. My folks came over for lunch, and we had a relaxing time. Shortly after they left I walked out of my balcony to see the horror of one of my neighbours half naked on the car park floor, some 9 stories below being resuscitated by the emergency services.

It was very surreal, as recently I have had a nightmare about falling off my balcony, which made seeing the the aftermath of said event all the more disturbing. It made me very upset. Very upset for the victim and also for myself, for the times I have contemplated it.

Despite the brilliant efforts of the City of London ambulance services, sadly she passed shortly afterward. The the area was cordoned off into a potential crime scene with a tent erected over the body for the forensics team to do their work.

I have experienced death and bereavement several times personally and been bombarded by it in the media all my life, yet this is the first time I have ever had it happen in front of me and it was quite profound. I was really rooting for her to pull though and much more sad about her passing than I thought I would be. I have never even met her or seen her before. As far as I know the police weren't treating it as suspicious which makes it all the more sad that someone was unhappy and desperate enough to leap to their death.

It was awful to see how difficult it was for all the police and emergency services to deal with it too, it was altogether a very morbid and upsetting event to witness.

To think someone else in my block is also going through torment a few floors below me, but was so alone to think they had no option really upset me. I cried for them last night, perhaps because I know exactly how that feels but have so far had the resolve to overcome those urges to bring an end to it all.

Today this has made my resolve to live life to the full and get better all even stronger than ever. There is a way to healt and get better, however powerful depression and anxiety may feel.

And more over, I feel grateful that we all have this great resource and community as a support. That none of us need to feel there is no one to speak to in an emergency.

I know its a bit of a depressing thread, but its a reality we all face and its good to remind everyone they're not alone and there are people here to help.

JaneC
31-08-10, 15:33
Hi Trooper, sorry you had to see that but I understand what you are saying. Someone jumped in front of a train on my line as I was on my way home from work on Sat. Sends a chill down the spine, especially when you have been in the position of wanting to or trying to take your own life, being able to empathise with how desperate the person must have felt.

But it also made me count my blessings - and I'd say too that NMP is one of them. Well done in trying to take something positive from this x

PanchoGoz
31-08-10, 17:13
Oh my gosh. It makes me feel guilty that I have never been close to death like that in my life so I wouldn't know how it feels. Its awful, but at least we both know it has made you that little bit stronger.
You're sending out a good message here. I hope this doesn't haunt you too much in your life.

KevsHoping
31-08-10, 19:08
Trooper

Although we all try to cope - a story like that puts things into perspective - certainly for me.

So sorry you had to go through it but raising here in this community it is a positive thing I feel.

Kev

xBettyBoopx
31-08-10, 20:44
We all try to cope with the horrors of so called living!
Some people sail through life with next to nothing wrong with them and not many worries or problems, but for some, it's all they know.
What do you do or where can you go when you've done everything that you can? These people who take their lives must be feeling so desperate that not many of us would know how bad they feel.

It must have been a horrific sight for you to see, I'm sorry you had to go through that. These people are not selfish (not saying anyone has said they are!), but desperate desperate poor things.

God bless them all who feel that they would be better off dead. Why can't everyone have a good life? We never asked to be born?

Els

Maj
31-08-10, 21:15
I'm so sorry you had to witness this. Yes, I also find it difficult to come to terms with the fact that some people can see no way out other than to end their life. It breaks my heart actually that people feel so desperately low. Although you had to experience this horrible situation, it actually seems to have empowered you into turning a corner in your life which is so very positive. You are also sound like a very compassionate person. Even in your suffering you can feel the pain of others. Not everyone is as unselfish as this so you should be so proud of yourself. The person who took their own life may not have had many people to turn to, but you have grieved for them and this means such a lot. Even to post it on this site means that other people here will feel for them and think about them also. All because of you. Thank you for sharing this with us and you are a credit to yourself :hugs:

trooper
31-08-10, 21:44
I just found out from the security guard, the lady downstairs is disabled and this was her new carer. She was from overseas, somewhere in Eastern Europe. She had only been here for a week and they can't track down her next of kin, which makes the story all the more tragic.

I just went out and bought some flowers and put them by the spot she landed. There was only one other small rather sorry looking bunch there, seemed pretty sad the only thing to mark the passing of a human being was a tiny bunch of flowers.

Thanks for the responses.

I just wanted to talk to people about it who could understand the impact of it on me.

Because I guess this could be anyone who can't find a route out of the trap of depression, which is such a tragedy.

trooper
31-08-10, 22:10
We all try to cope with the horrors of so called living!
Some people sail through life with next to nothing wrong with them and not many worries or problems, but for some, it's all they know.
What do you do or where can you go when you've done everything that you can? These people who take their lives must be feeling so desperate that not many of us would know how bad they feel.

It must have been a horrific sight for you to see, I'm sorry you had to go through that. These people are not selfish (not saying anyone has said they are!), but desperate desperate poor things.

God bless them all who feel that they would be better off dead. Why can't everyone have a good life? We never asked to be born?

Els

I guess its easy to assume everyone has a good life, I know I often compare myself to others and make that assumption. The realisty is we cannot really know how anyone other than ourselves feels. Most people in truth go through ups and downs. Confidence and insecurity. Relationships and break ups. Joys and sadness etc. To a certain degree most people are in denial and spent a life time avoiding the hard feelings and truths about themselves.

Living with the effects of depression and anxiety is not very pleasant I grant you. One positive is that you have no choice but to face your demons and if you can tame them, you'll be a bigger, stronger and better person for it.

Its my very strong believe that we always have a choice, even at our lowest there is a small flame of hope in your heart and given the right nurture that can become a fire.

There are always new things to try, people that you can ask for help that have the wisdom and training to help you move on.

I am seeing a psychotherapist and have made more progress in the last year than in the previous 15. Sadly miracles don't happen, you have to work for results, and it takes time, but you get rewarded for your efforts.

There is always hope. Humans are very resilient and very capable of healing. :hugs: