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gaza448
27-02-04, 23:26
I recently was walking through Birmingham city centre and noticed in the window of a chinese herbalist/doctors that they treated panic attacks which i have had during boxing training I thought why not give it a try i've heard these chinese remedies are quite good but 2 weeks later and minus about £300 i have to say in 'my opinion' what a waste of time and a lot of money. The treatment consisted of a tea, some pills and 6 sessions of massage and acupuncture which i found uncomfortable and painfull. When i asked the doctor (through a translator) how the treatment was helping panic attacks he told me that my problem was pyscological, that if i train too hard the treatment won't work and a lot of other exuses of that nature. Has anyone else tryed chinese acupunture etc is it supposed to hurt and has it worked for anyone else.

Meg
28-02-04, 00:24
A surrogate Dad of mine was a acupuncturist in DC and he treated advanced cancers, local infections, AIDS etc with a huge amount of success.

When I discussed my panics with him he said he could balance out the vital elements in my body , which may help, but the solution was in my head .

I went over to look after him when he was dying and he had his colleague treat me for the first 2 nights, after the second treatment he told me that I was balanced from his point of view and the rest was up to me.

How right he was.

It took a while to understand what I had to do though.

I guess it's a bit like ensuring the kid has attended lessons and been encouraged and resources provided, but the results are theirs alone .

No it should not hurt apart from very slight scratches from the needles .



Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

diana
28-02-04, 04:48
Hiya Gaza448,

I am sorry to hear your experience with the Chinese herbalist was`nt productive.

I have never had an experience with one, but have heard things about them good and bad.

How are you doing otherwise? How are your PA`s now? I hope you are doing well.

Post to let us know how you are doing.

Take care,

Diana xxxx

gaza448
28-02-04, 15:06
Hi Diana i'm not doing to bad missing my dad a lot i had a fight a couple of weeks ago but i think it was a bit too soon so i didn't fight to well for example when i'm at the boxing shows i always used to phone my dad to tell him which personalities were there at the last one, two weeks ago, before i boxed i saw someone picked up my phone and started to dial before i realised dad wasn't going to be there. I nearly had a panic attack in a training session two days before the fight, first time felt like that since october didn't do my confidence any good but I new it wouldn't be easy (also had a redbull before not a good idea)

Gary

stimpy
29-02-04, 02:36
Hi Gary

Herbal medication may interact with prescribed medicines, altering the way they work, reducing their effectiveness, or rendering them toxic. This is certainly true for St Johns Wort, "Nature's antidepressant".
£300 does seem a little excessive! You won't pay that for prescriptions from your doctor would you? You would tell him to stick it.

The problem with herbal remedies is that you either have to do a lot of research about the product (uses, cautions, contraindications, effective brands...) or put your trust in an "expert", and hope they make the right choice of treatment for you.

I think the common school of thought is treat your insomnia with valerian, but get a doctor to treat your colon cancer.
As far as I know Long Gu (Dragon Bones)are used in herbal tea, pills and drops to produce a sedative effect. - Just how this works I have no idea!

Try some of the more traditional floral remedies they may be more effective, I know several people who have had more success with floral remedies rather than chinese medication. Not to mention the fact they are much cheaper and available everywhere.






Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric

diana
01-03-04, 04:51
Hey Gary,

Good to hear that you are doing "pretty good". I know it is hard to get over that loss, but you are coping well.

Keep pushing forward, keep at your boxing. It will atleast keep your mind and body busy :).

The "Red BUll" may not be such a good idea in the future!!!!! LOL....... :-).

If you don`t mind my asking, where do you box Gary? I actually love boxing. It is the only sport I will watch on the tele. Never been to a "live" boxing match though. Would be fun though I bet :-D.

You take care of yourself and keep up the great coping with the loss of your dad.

I wish you the best of luck on your future fights and training sessions.

Diana xxxxxxx

Lottie32
01-03-04, 15:49
Gary

Well done for trying to carry on with some normality.

I lost my dad over four years ago, and my gran who was also my best friend a year ago next month.

I don't want to be depressing or anything, but in my experience, it takes years for the grief to come out. I felt totally numb at first, and now little bits of grief are being released, and I get upset for a bit, deal with it, and pull myself together. Then another "snippet" of grief appears, and I do the whole cycle again.

I've started going to the gym, and if I were you I'd ignore the chinese herbalist - and keep exercising/training. I feel better for training.

It might be an idea to keep up with the training, but just to spar in the gym for a bit. Sometimes you can push yourself too much, and too far.

Don't dismiss alternative therapies because of your experience with the Chinese herbalist. Valerian and St Johns Wort are both very good, as is 5-HTP. Go to a recommended health shop or herbalist, and ask advice. Just be careful that you aren't going to take anything that will get you into trouble if you decide to carry on competing.

The chinese medicine man was right though - most of our issues are caused by psychological problems, and it's good to talk. Have you considered seeing your doctor about what help is available in the area?

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

diana
01-03-04, 20:03
Hiya Charlie,

I agree too that it takes years to get all of the grief out. If in fact we ever do get it all out.

My gran who was also like my mum passed on 4 years ago this past January. I always get "SNIPPETS" like you say and deal with them. Get over it for the time being and again for some reason I`ll get it again. My "SNIPPETS" seem to last for 2-3 days sometimes.

Grief is very hard to overcome I agree.

You mention "ST.JOHNS WORT". What exactly is it good for, how long and how much would a person need to take on a daily basis to get relief? I know this is a multi question, I am sorry. I have heard alot about St. Johns Wort, but am not very educated on what it covers. Are there RX meds that you can not take whilst using it? How long would one have to be taking it on a regular basis to notice a difference? Are there any OTC meds that one would not be able to take with it? Is there any period of time limits to taking it on a regular basis?

Any information you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

I was taking Prozac, but have stopped taking it over a month ago, but am in need of something for feeling low, crying easily etc. etc. etc. Does the St. Johns Wort help or interfere at all with anxiety/panic?

Sorry for all the questions, but I am interested in something "natural" I can take to get over the blues LOL...... :-D.

Take care all,

Diana xxxxx

P.S. Charlie, I also believe in "what does`nt kill us, makes us stronger :)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kate
01-03-04, 20:25
Diana,

The site that I have used for information on St John's Wort is www.sjwinfo.org, which I found very informative.

Kate x

diana
01-03-04, 20:39
Thank you Kate for the website. I am surely going to check it out.

Take care,

Diana xxxx

Meg
01-03-04, 20:47
Kate's website suggestion is great.

The new concern with SJW is potential interactions with other medication you might be prescribed for other conditions. Do check these out carefully.






Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

diana
02-03-04, 21:23
Thanks Meg,

For the heads up. I will check everything out :). As I do take RX meds for other conditions.

Hoping everyone is having an anxiety/panic free day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take care all,

Diana xxxx

Lottie32
03-03-04, 09:47
Hi Diana

Kate has already beaten me to it! This is the site I was going to suggest. It is an impartial guide to St Johns Wort, and explains what it is, how it works etc.

Basically SJW acts in a similar way to SSRI, but is a natural medication, taken from the plant SJW. It has been used for years in countries where it grows wild to cure and help depression. I tried it, but only for a short time - and I had to stop as it can interact with the contraceptive pill, and make it ineffective. Like prozac et al, I believe you have to be taking it for a while for it to have an effect - and I wasn't on it for long enough to be able to say if it made a difference.

If you don't like taking drugs, prefer a natural approach, and are not on any medication which it may react with, then I suggest you give it a whirl!

Hope you are well, and your daughter isn't giving you any more trouble!

Love

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

diana
03-03-04, 19:55
Hiya Charlie,

Thanks for the info.

I am considering trying it, as I still feel kinda bluesy. Cry easily, and feel sad easily.

I did`nt see anything on that site that mentioned it interacting with diabete meds. Do you know if it does or not? Those are the only RX meds I am taking right now.

The rest are just Vitamins like "SUPER B-COMPLEX" which I also wonder if it is the correct B vitamin to be taking for stress etc.? Do you know if this Vitamin B Complex is okay or works for this purpose?

I also take Vitamin E, and at the request of my PCP I take aspirin everyday. Do you know if SJW interacts with any of these meds or supplements?

I am doing pretty good now, thanks for your concern :).

Funny you should mention my daughter :). She moved out like 2-3 months ago. She moved in with a male "FRIEND" and his family from her previous place of employment. He is also 18, and she says they are just "friends" and that he has a girlfriend that he works with and that she knows about her (my daughter) living in his house???????

I am just really getting around to feeling like my old self, after going through all of the emotional and stressful time that went along with dealing with this 18 year old. I am just now getting back out doing things like I did before all of the stress began, and now my lovely darling is telling me she wants to come back home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don`t know what to do or what to say. A part of me definitely wants her home, but then again a part of me is afraid of the outcome of her homecoming.

I do not want to go back where I was a few months ago. It has been quite an uphill "CRAWL" to get where I am right now.

I`ve not said anything one way or the other, as I do not know what I should do or say???????????????????????? :(

She tells me she is planning on coming back home in "21" days. I`m not sure why the emphasis on the amount of days, but that is what she told me yesterday evening.

Any ideas or suggestions?????????????????????????

I really appreciate all of the help and support I have received here, through all of this mess. You all have been quite the life saver for me through it all. The mess with my 18 year old and with my anxiety/panic.

Here`s to hoping you all are having an anxiety/panic free day :).

Lot`s of Love

Diana xxxx

nomorepanic
03-03-04, 22:28
Diana

Wow is it that long since she has been gone?

It must be hard to consider having her back to stay after you have found some normality in your life. It is also difficult for you to say "No" cos she is your daughter - what a predicament eh?

Can you lay down any ground rules with her from the outset? Ones that will make your life less stressful. Does she know that you feel better since she left?

I am not a mother Diana so I find it hard to advise you because your love for your daughter will probably mean that you let her come back but I would hate for that to make you ill.

I wish you luck in your decision and sorry I am not much help.

Hope all is well as a moderator by the way - thanks for all your advise and help. :)

xx

Nicola

Lottie32
04-03-04, 10:20
Hi Diana

I'm still living at home with my mum, and I'm 33, so probably not the best person to ask! But I think you should meet up with your daughter for coffee.

Say that you would love to welcome her home, but that she is now a grown up, she has left home once already, and is not an independant adult.

Discuss on what terms you are happy to have her back - don't necessarily rake over the past, but look forward to how you want your relationship to be in the future.

I presume that in this new place, her friends family will not have done her laundry, cooking, shopping and cleaning. Therefore she has proved herself able to look after herself.

At the end of the day, it is your house, your life and your health. Although you love your daughter alot, I think that the time has come to be selfish. Think of YOU. Work out what will make YOU happy. What YOU are willing to tolerate and put up with in your house.

Also, make it clear that if she moves back home, you want her to come back as a friend, and confidant, a responsible person to share the chores etc, as well as your daughter.

After all, if you'd decided to buy yourself a little apartment after she had left, then you may not have had room to accomodate her, and she would have had to rent.

Can you meet her a few times before she comes home, in a cafe or a bar, and have a meal and a few drinks. That way you can confirm your desire to be here friend, and an equal as an adult, as well as your daughter.

Please don't make yourself (or allow her) to make you ill again Diana.

I'm so pleased you have been feeling better, don't feel guilty for feeling like you do. Of course you love your daughter, but her selfish actions have been making you poorly, so it's understandable that you have reservations about her returning home.

I think honesty is the best policy here - explain what you have been going through, that you still love her, she is your daughter, but that things can't continue as they did before.

Best of luck and I sincerely hope everything goes ok.

How have you found the relaxation tape? Have you had chance to give it a whirl?

Love x

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Laurie28
04-03-04, 12:56
Diana,

I'm so glad u are started to feel better after you uphill battle!

I know what u are saying about you daughter Diana, but she did contribute to you being ill. I know it will be very difficult to tell your daughter no (and i'm not saying you should do that) but sometimes you have to think of yourself (self preservation as Charlie calls it!!)
Families can be hellish things as well as wonderful things Diana and it's hard to listen to your head when your heart is saying something entirely different

I know as a mother that is very difficult but whatever your decision i wish you the best of luck and pls let us know how you get on

Take care
lucky

diana
04-03-04, 21:06
Hiya Nic and Charlie,

Thank you sooo very much for all of the suggestions and advice. I am taking note of them all right now :).

It has been very hard to fathom the thought of her coming back home after everything that has been said and done. However like you mentioned Nic. "My love for her, will mean me allowing her to come back home".

I most definitely intend to lay down some ground rules for her, because obviously what we were doing before did not work.

I don`t think she is aware of how much better I have been doing without her here, and of course I have not actually made it very clear to her as to not "HURT HER FEELINGS".

However I think you are right Charlie, I think I need to be selfish right now. I mean it`s not like she is just a small girl anymore. She is an adult by age anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!! :).

I like the suggestion of meeting with her a few times to kinda of establish that friend/equal adult relationship.

I do not intend to let her or allow myself to get in the whole I was in before, over all of this. You are right, this is my home and I need to let her know what I am willing and not willing to accept here. I suppose if she can not find a way to live with the conditions I set, she will have to stay where she is.

I will let you all know how things go after a meeting up with her somewhere. I want things to work out. I really do, but I feel that if I don`t feel that she is very sincere in wanting to come back home for the right reasons. Then I will have to decline. I know that sounds "MEAN", but I really have to think about my health and my well being right now because she certainly is`nt going to.

I want her to be okay, safe and healthy most definitely. I`m just not sure it is supposed to be at my expense?

Nic though you are not a mother, you have been very supportive through all of this mess with my daughter and I really do appreciate that :)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are right though, this is quite a perdicament!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(.

All is going well with the moderating. Thanks for asking :).

Thank you both very much for all of your help, suggestions and support. The support I get here is priceless!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

I will keep you posted as to what the outcome is...........

Charlie,

Yes the RELAXATION TAPE is great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you :-D.

Take care all,

Hoping everyone is having an anxiety/panic free day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lot`s Of Love

Diana xoxoxo

diana
04-03-04, 21:21
Lucky,

Thank you sooo much for your support.

You are soooo right, it is "VERY" hard to listen to your head when your heart is telling you something different, and yes family can really be "HELL" at times.

I am just soooo tired of sacrificing my own needs and health to accomodate everyone else. I know that sounds very selfish, but it is just the way I feel right now.

However I feel if I do not give her another chance with my newly found stregnth and rules, and something God forbid should happen to her, then I will feel at fault for that.

It is all so very confusing, but I am kind of hoping she will make my decision for me. Then I won`t have to, does that make any sense?????

I mean, I think once I lay down the house rules for a "returning member" she is`nt going to want to abide by them, and therefore will tell me "NO" forget it I`m not going for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So then I will not have to feel guilty or atleast (as guilty) :(.

I will be sure to keep you all posted as to what my final decision is.

You all have been so very kind to me. With all of your support, suggestions and ideas.

I wish only that my advice and suggesstions posted on here could do someone else as good as yours have done for me :D!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you all again and again.

Take care all, and I am hoping you all are having an anxiety/panic free day.

Lot`s of Love,

Diana xoxoxo

Laurie28
05-03-04, 10:55
Diana,

You do not sound at all selfish to me!!

I am aware that it sounds easy for us to say - be tough and do what is best for you - I also know that it is a lot more difficult than it sounds - especially if it is your child!!!

Your ability as a mother will suffer if your daughter contributes to making you 'ill' again and you have to make her understand that - you are of more 'use' to her 'healthy'.
I think the sitting down and talking in a a cafe is an excellent idea and so are the ground rules. - and yes i know what you mean when you said it would be great if she decided for you!!!

Your daughter will HAVE to listen to you. MAKE her listen and I'm sure things will improve - PLease don't go back to where you were (health wise) just to please her.

Diana - even 1 line on this forum can help people immensely! I've read your posts and you are helping us all believe me

take Care

Love
lucky

Lottie32
05-03-04, 13:33
Diane

Not one thing you said made you sound selfish - so don't feel bad.

The problem with family members is that we feel indebted and "stuck" with them, just because we are related.

In any other area of our lives, we would not tolerate people who upset us, made us feel bad about ourselves, or affected our health. But because we are related, we often feel that we MUST sacrifice our health, happiness and sanity to please others!

When my gran was ill, I sat down with my little sis and discussed what we could do. She confessed that she couldn't cope like I could, and couldn't face bathing/washing/cutting toe nails etc. However, she felt guilty about letting me do it.

We agreed that we were different sorts of people, and that if she didn't feel comfortable with the personal stuff, then she should just visit, take flowers, make a cup of tea and go. We weren't going to fall out about it.

Gran knew she loved her, but just couldn't cope with the feeling of sadness and hopelessness.

Your daughter should want to come back as a friend, and to share things with you. Make it clear that a blood tie doesn't guarantee her b&b for the rest of her days!

Please try to stay cool and calm, and don't let yourself become ill again.

Let us know how you get on, thinking of you

Love

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

diana
08-03-04, 20:49
Hiya Lucky and Charlie,

You are both soooooo sweet :)!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your kind, supportive words.

I really appreciate all of your thoughts, ideas, and suggestions on this issue, as it has been quite tough for me to deal with on so many different levels.

However with the help of you all I actually feel stronger in making a decision on this if she does not want to comply with my rules this time around.

I have taken all of your advice and suggestions on board to use as a floor plan as to how to approach this issue with her. Without you all I seriously doubt that I would`ve been able to get this far in this.

I actually have spoken to her briefly about everything and it is quite obvious that she really does`nt want to come to an agreement that we both can live with (COMFORTABLY).

She keeps telling me she is coming back home because "I WANT HER HOME"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well in response to that I explained to her that yes!!!! Ideally I would rather have her home, but not under the conditions we were living under before.

I explained to her that I feel that I have done enough sacrificing for "THE FAMILY", and not quite enough sacrificing for "ME", and now that they (the kids) are pretty much grown being 18,17,16 and 13. I feel like I need to take time to think about "ME" as it seems everyone else is thinking of themselves now. It is time I need to worry about "ME" and my well being, "MY" happiness and so forth, becaue if I don`t it is obvious to me that no one else is going to.

She really did`nt seem to care one way or the other about that either.

So I just told her to think about the rules that I had put down for this time around, and really think about if she is willing to comply with them, and if she decided she would not be comfortable with these new and improved rules. Then she should consider staying where she is at, because I feel that we have had a much better relationship under these circumstances.

However if she "SAYS" she can comply with the new set rules, then I suppose I will give her another chance.

I only hope if this is the case that things do not get toxic again!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

Thank you again for all of the great advice and suggestions. I will keep you posted as to what the outcome of this saga is!!! LOL.......... :)

I am going to ask her out either this week or by the weekend for sure so we can talk more in depth over a meal or something. I want to give her time to mull over what I have already given her to think about.

Wish me luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take care all.

Lot`s of Love,

Diana xxxxx [:X]

P.S. I hope you are all having an anxiety/panic free day.

nomorepanic
08-03-04, 22:36
Diana

Sorry I must have missed the replies to this post - hence I never replied. Hard to keep up with them all isn't it?

You obviously care very much about others - hence I asked you be a moderator and all of your replies take time and are full of love and advice.

I do sincerely hope that you can sort this out with your daughter and it works for you both.

Let us know what she says and will she agree to your terms and conditions.

Families are hard to fathom aren't they? Sometimes you need to be selfish and look after yourself and I agree that you need to look after you for now.

Good luck Diana - you deserve some good luck and some peace from all the hassle.

xx


Nicola

diana
09-03-04, 06:03
Aw Nic,

Thank you so very much.

I am very touched :-).

It is very hard to keep up with all of the posts and replies. I understand. LOL........ :) No problem.

I too hope we can work things out so that both of us can be happy.

I will surely be on here letting you all know what the outcome of all of this is, because you all have been my light on this dark path I`ve been on with my daughter these past months.

I can`t even find words to express the appreciation I feel toward you all who have helped guide me through this time of so much confusion and emotional pain.

I only hope some how some way what I post is revealing of my feelings and gratitude toward you all.

Families are very tough Nic, are`nt they. What is supposed to be our comfort place is sometimes our war zone!!!!!!!!!!!

I really feel bad for telling her I need to think of "ME" now, because I know she did`nt ask to be brought into this world, but I can`t help thinking that there is a time when we as parents need to cut the apron strings rather we want to or not, and let our children fly on their own.

I`m just not absolutely sure she is ready or prepared for all that life has to offer her yet.

Which is why I hope we can come to some sort of agreement and compromise we both can live with.

Thank you sweet Nic for the kind sentiments.

I do hope good luck is coming soon. I am very tired and worn out from hassels, I want to stop this ride and get on another!!!!!!!!!!! LOL.............. :)

Watch for my next post on this topic.

I hope you are having an anxiety/panic free day.

Take care dear,

Diana xxxxx

Love and Hugs [:X]

Laurie28
09-03-04, 10:02
Diana,

I left home at 17 and fell pregnant not long after. Ever since then I have struggled (on saying that they were my choices!) - although things are getting better in a lot of ways now!!!

Alot of people would give their eye teeth for the kind of support you are offering your daughter. She should be over any awkward 'teenage' stage by now!!!

Hopefully she will have gotten enough of a 'fright' from living away from home and realize it is not at all easy -(although by your posts it doesn't sound like it) and asbide by any rules you set.

Keep us posted and Good Luck

Love
Lucky

stimpy
09-03-04, 11:08
Well Di, you know us kids - we can be a real pain. (So my mum tells me.)

First thing is first, don't worry yourself about it. Worrying about her coming back will make you feel terrible, so the best advice I can offer there is to take it as it comes, deal with that thing then, until the time she walks through the door, try to forget about it.

Second thing is second, she's a big girl now. She's been away 3 months and has had to learn to fend for herself in the big wide world.
So there is no reason at all why she couldn't continue to fend for herself now.
Point her to the cooker, vacuum, washing machine, cleaning materials and tell her to get stuck in, if she don't like it she knows where the door is!

I agree with Charlie, best to be honest right from the start. Before she gets comfy explain to her what you expect her to do, and what you will not cope with. Tell her what you will and will not do for her in return. (Sort of her tenancy agreement. I will offer you love, support, and cook us dinner 3 days out of 7, but you will wash your own clothes and keep your room clean or If you wish to borrow anything from me, ask me, do not help yourself without asking me first.- for example.)
Start as equals in the partnership and try to keep it that way.

If you find that rules are starting to get broken, you have to be firm.
You are offering her a roof over her head, unconditional love and support but you will not have her making you ill because of it.

Good luck!


Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric

Lottie32
09-03-04, 11:56
Diana

I am so glad that you are sorting this out with your daughter, but ON YOUR TERMS!

I remember when I was her age. For some reason, conversations seemed to take longer to sink in. And I seem to remember never looking like I was bothered or even listening!!!!!!

However, somewhere at the back of my head - it was all going in!

You sound like such a lovely lady. I'd love to come and live with you. I don't get on too well with my mum, and it still bothers me to this day - we are too alike and too different, and she doesn't do compromise. Even my sister just brushes things off now, with well you know what mum is like, she doesn't think! So at least I know it's not entirely me!

I think families are one of the toughest challenges.

Actually, in a way this forum has become my family - but it is full of people that I "chose" to be members, and who just accept us all for what we are, without judging. Even though we are each on a pc, and in some cases not even in the same country, there is a lovely sense of warmth given out by some of my forum "family" members. It makes things so much easier to cope with.

Meg, Nic, Diana, Lucky, Sarah, Sadie and Bryan in particular have been very good to me - as have lots of others - but thats the problem with this site - there are too many nice people on here that if you mentioned them all you would just get a whole message that read like a class register!!!!!!!

I hope you work things out to YOUR satisfaction Diana. Think ME and you can't go far wrong!

You take care

Love

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

diana
09-03-04, 22:51
Aw you guys!!!!!

You really know how to make a lady feel loved :).

I know that mum and daughter relationships are probably the hardest, as I actually "do not" get along with my own mum. Mostly because she walked out on me and my dad when I was 5 and went and had a whole new family with kids and all, and never was there for me or bothered with me in the least.

Periodically she tries to come back into my life , but it never works out. So I pretty much just stay away from her and she me.

This is particularly why I really want things to work out for me and my daughter, because I don`t want that distance between us.

Charlie, do ya think your mum would exchange you for my daughter? LOL...... :)

I hope you are right in saying that all that is said to her is sinking in somewhere there in her head. I mean I was 18 once too, but it is very hard to go back there when you are the parent. Does that make any sense?????

I try to remember I was 18 too and pretty much a hard head myself, but I so thought in raising my children that I somehow did something different so that I would`nt run into these problems. Silly I know, but none the less.

I have tried to be very open minded on every subject/issue with them, and have tried to be supportive in every way. Which is something I did not get from my mum. Somehow I thought that was going to make all of the difference in the world as to how my children would come out.

Not to take anything away from my dad, as he did raise me. I think he did the best he could with what he had to work with, and God knows I appreciate that.


Like you said in your post Charlie you all have become my family too. Right now I`m not sure what I would do without all of you.

You all have been so very kind to me, have given me light when all I could see was darkness and love when I felt at my very lowest.

All of the help and support you all have given me here is priceless. I know we are only on our pc`s, but believe me the sentiments and the heartwarming advice you all give me is whole heartedly felt.

I will take all of your advice and suggestions on board and tackle this thing one way or the other. I just know now with you all behind me I can get through this no matter what. Honestly I did`nt feel that I would ever recover from this 3 months ago. So with your help and support, atleast I know I will survive.

Thank you all so very much for all of your support and love. You all are really the best friends I have ever had.

I just feel so bad that we can not visit one another personally, but if the pc is the way into your homes, hearts and workplaces then I`ll gladly take it!!!!!!!!!

This forum has been such a life saver for me.

For the past 1.5-2 years I have become quite the wimp, I used to be very head, and emotionally strong. Though I am a sucker for my own emotional pain or anyone elses for that matter.

With your help I am now feeling alot stronger than I have in atleast 2 years. I am no longer the door mat I had allow myself to become and no longer feel like I am the one who failed in this life because things did`nt go as I had planned.

I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for giving that back to me. I now feel like I can deal with things as they arise and actually see the light at the end of the perverbial tunnel.

Sorry I have run on a bit about anything and everything, but you all just bring that out in me. I feel so free to just spew all of my issues out to you all and know I will not be tagged as a (nut case).

Well ladies without taking up anymore of your time I will end this with a great big THANK YOU, some GREAT BIG HUGS XXXXXX and KISSES TOO OOOOOOO.

I will keep you all up to date with what is going on with my little darling, and I wish you all the very best life has to offer. Each and everyone of you deserve it [:X].

I hope you all are having an anxiety/panic free day.

You all have certainly lightened the load of my day tremendously.

Take care all,

Lot`s Of Love

Diana xxxxxx

nomorepanic
10-03-04, 22:42
Hi Diana

What a lovely post.

We all appreciate your help and support too and it is nice to give something back isn't it?

Charlie is a real star and never ceases to cheer me up with her lovely, funny posts.

I couldn't cope without Meg either - she has given me so much support on here and at a personal level too.

I am sure you will let us know how it goes Diana - when is the moving back date?

xx


Nicola

Lottie32
11-03-04, 13:12
Dearest Di

I'm so glad you feel you have our support and that we are there for your tough bits.

Please try to keep the following in your mind when "bartering" with your daughter:

a. Your own health / sanity
b. Your other kids, who are younger and therefore with "need" you more
c. You cannot control how much of a "good" or "bad" parent you are - it doesn't matter how much you get "right" or "wrong", cos all your children are individuals and personality clashes will happen no matter what you try to do as your kids grow up and develop their own personalities - so don't be too hard on yourself

Keep us posted - and remember "think selfish"

Love

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Lottie32
11-03-04, 15:27
Nic

I'm glad you find my posts lovely and funny! But I'm getting worried now, cos I don't intend them to be that way, I just put whatever comes into my head, and only every edit if I've forgotten myself and sworn.

I still feel a bit down and grey - now you're telling me I'm funny - so does this mean I'll turn manic when the prozac fully kicks in.

Who knows - in a few months time, I could be tap dancing around being bright and cheery with a painted grin like those horrible stage school kids that used to be on the Rod Hull Pink Windmill Show (that was meant to be funny by the way) (Its even more funny if you've ever seen me try to dance. And I rarely do skirts)

Love

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

diana
11-03-04, 20:16
Hiya Nic and Charlie,

Cheers on the posts!!!!!!!!!! :).

I will definitely let you all know what the final decision is.

It is obvious to me that if she had another place to go, she would. I understand the real reason for her leaving where she is now is because the young mans gran is coming to live with them and taking over the room my little darling is staying in.

However the big move in date is supposed to take place on April 1st. Is there any coincidence that the date just happens to be the same day as "APRIL FOOLS DAY"?????? LOL............. :-D HMMM, makes me wonder.

Charlie..... I will definitely keep those thoughts in mind when bartering with my youngin. LOL............. :), and you are so very funny (naturally). I guess you don`t even realize what a ray of sunshine you are for us here, with your funny, quirky posts.

I am sorry that you are still feeling down and grey. With your personality I am sure you will be beaming again in no time. Or atleast I hope you are.

Oh dear do keep us posted if you decide to start dancing around bright and cheery with a painted grin on your face. That would be loads of fun reading. LOL................ :-D You are so funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nic...... You are sooooooooo right, it does feel really good to give something back for all that you all have given me.

You all are a God send, truly.............. :)

Lot`s of Love and Hugs!!!!!!!

Diana xoxoxo [:X]

Lottie32
12-03-04, 12:35
Hi Diana

Just another suggestion - maybe you could help her find somewhere of her own to rent?

If she really doesn't want to move home to be with the family, but has to get out from where she is living cos of the gran.

If you help her, then she will know that she still has your love and support and she is getting to do what she wants to do (live on her own) and you are a part of it.

The only down side to this is that it might be a bit difficult to handle - after all you wouldn't want her thinking you didn't want her at home, and weren't going to let her come back (I'm sure you know what I mean) even though you don't want her back if she is going to "create" again like she did last time.

Best of luck

And keep us posted

Love

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

diana
12-03-04, 14:37
That is a very good idea Charlie,

That never even crossed my mind. I think I will discuss that with her this evening. I mean I would rather help her do that than have her come back home begrudgingly (check spelling) and have all of the havoc kicked up all over again.

I`m sure she will jump at the opportunity to do that.

I will start looking in the paper today for affordable places for her. So that over the weekend we can call and go check them out.

Thanks for the suggestion, funny that never even occured to me.

I mean I will let her know that I love her, and that our door is always open, but beings as though she does`nt want to really be home. Maybe it would be best if she took a stab at living on her own, since that is what she really wants. Try it out and see how things go and if it does`nt work out then we can discuss coming back home, and the rules that need be followed.

I will let you know what we decide on.

Take care

Lot`s Of Love,

Diana xxoo

nomorepanic
12-03-04, 23:00
quote:Originally posted by Lottie32

I'm glad you find my posts lovely and funny! But I'm getting worried now, cos I don't intend them to be that way, I just put whatever comes into my head, and only every edit if I've forgotten myself and sworn.


Charlie - I meant funny in the nicest way :)You have a great personality and always cheer me up. I hope you didn't think I meant bad - lol.

You are a star Charlie so don't change please ;)[:p]

Nicola

nomorepanic
12-03-04, 23:03
Diana

Great suggestion from Charlie - she is such a help isn't she?

I hope it goes well Diana - I love the moving back date! Can't you greet her at the door and say "April Fool's - I don't really want you back" - lol


Nicola

diana
13-03-04, 20:33
Nic, LOL......... :)!!!!!!!!!!!

I have thought of so many ways to turn it around on her to beat her to the punch if it is all just a bad joke on her part LOL...... :-D.

That was a very good suggestion from Charlie, for some reason that never even crossed my mind.

I actually was able to find her a (basement apartment) of sorts in a friends home for only $250.00 a month. Not sure what that is in Uk money, but very good/affordable for her.

I did want to talk with her first to find out exactly what her intentions coming back home are and if I don`t think she is being sincere then I am going to bring up the idea of the apartment.

Which I am sure she is going to jump all over that idea LOL.... :).

Which is also fine, because I`d feel better her being there than here making me ill again. I`m just starting to regain my sense of self and strength again. I surely do not want to go back to where I was a few short months ago.

I actually was expecting her home last night to talk, but low and behold she never showed, and I made several attempts to contact her by way of her cellular and still no answer.

I have spoken to her earlier today to see if she would be available for a dinner meeting to talk about our options.

I will let you all know how everything goes if in fact she even shows up :|.

Thanks again "FRIENDS" :)

Take care,

Diana xoxoxo [:X]

Lottie32
16-03-04, 16:25
Nic - no offence taken o:)- presumed (hoped) thats what you meant!!!!

Diana - have you found her yet? You must point out that if she says she is going to do something then she must either stick to it, or phone you to let you know she has had to change her plans.

I'm 33 but I always let my mum know if I don't intend to come home that night. It common courtesy if nothing else.

Please try and stay calm, and don't let her force your stress levels up any more!!

Hope you both find a suitable compromise soon, whilst you still have your sanity!!!!

Love Charlie x

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

diana
16-03-04, 21:10
Charlie,

Actually I have phoned her on several occassions over the weekend to try to get a sit down with her, to no avail (check spelling).

I then had a very "brief" chat with her on her cellular, after she had not shown up for the 3rd time in a row. When she kept assuring me she would be here (home) at one time or another to have a sit down.

I finally got so frustrated with her not showing up, that I phoned her to ask her what her plans were, because I felt that she was not being very responsible, already not showing up when she said she would and not letting me know that she would not make it.

I told her that this kind of behaviour did not make me very optimistic for her return home. She said I was "FORCING" her to make a vast decision!!!!!!!! I said that I was unaware of my forcing her to do anything. After all she was the participant who asked to come back home. I was just trying to get the ground rules down so that we both understood each other.

So to make a long story short, from what I got from our conversation is that she in fact "will not" be coming back home now.

I know exactly what you mean about "COMMON COURTERSY" I am 37 years old and I call my dad everytime I leave his house to let him know I am in safely.

When I finally caught up with my little darling on her cellular it was clear that she was somewhere "partying" at the same time that she was supposed to be here/home or out to dinner having a talk with me. So I did feel a bit bad about that. I supppose my feelings were hurt :(.

I guess I just need to give up on the idea that she has any "good intentions" coming back home and focus on what I need to do here/home and in life generally for me.

At the same time I guess I need to let her know that I love her in spite of her behaviour and will be here for her when she needs me.

I just can`t keep putting my life on hold to wait to see if she is going to need me or when she is going to need me. I need to move on as she is, I suppose. What seems so easy for her to do is very hard for me to do. I am finding it sooo hard to let go!!!!

It hurts me to my very core that she does`nt feel any remorse or obligation what so ever. I don`t believe that I have raised her that way. I don`t know how she has learned to be so cold.

I am "TRYING" my very best, somedays easier than others to stay calm Charlie.

I`m not sure there is a "SUITABLE" compromise for us right now. I mean I have really bent way over on issues that she has presented to me, that I was`nt comfortable with to keep her "happy" and home. Yet even bending over on the issues that I felt were not right, did`nt help she still broke those rules. So I really don`t think she wants to work with me at all on this relationship.

She just wants to do what she wants, when she wants with no regard or respect for anyone or anything else. I know she knows how hard it was for me to break my own rules to accomodate her in her becoming an "ADULT"/turning 18, and still no feelings or appreciation what so ever.

What I meant about "ISSUES" she presented to me is 1) She told me weeks before she turned 18 that she was going to do what she wanted to do and "NO ONE" could tell her anything. 2) She was going to socialize on the cell phone I had signed for her to get with atleast 2 forbidden people.

My reaction to all of this was that basically I did`nt care how old she was that "WHILE SHE WAS LIVING HERE" I had a say in what and how she conducted herself. I know, I know a big mistake right?

Firstly I told her that her education was priority, so there would be "NO" going out from Sunday-Thursday on late night adventures. By late night I meant I wanted her in by 11:00. Which was sometimes impossible as she at the time was working at the movie theatre that did not close doors until 11:00 and that meant she was getting home at around 11:45-12:00 midnight.

Secondly I forbid her to talk to 1 youngman that had been involved with vandalizing our vehicles by scratching/keying them up, and on her brand new vehicle that my husband pu

sarah
16-03-04, 21:40
Hi Diana

First of all, nothing you have written sounds childish (as you put it). Your daughter sounds like she is putting you through all kinds of hell.

I remember when I was that age, I never really was disobedient but I did say to my mum 'im 18 now I can do what I want'

My mums reply still resounds in my thoughts occasionally, she said - 18 is not the magic number, it doesnt mean you can do as you want and you will not treat this house like a hotel!!!!!!

Dont ask me why but it did the trick and I always phoned just to get her off my back if nothing else.

I dont understand why she is associating with this guy who vandalided your property unless she is doing it as some kind of statement or as young people do - has just forgiven and forgotten. (they dont tend to hold such grudges as we do when we get older.)

I think Charlies suggestion of helping her get her own place is the best idea.

My only further thought is that she seems to want to live her life EXACTLY how she want as to without a thought for anyone else, but just think, when she's older and maybe got a family of her own she will realise the hurt she caused and you may even become good friends.

Im 30 now and when I was her age although I wasnt a 'bad' teenager, my mum and I used to argue a lot and not get on at all but now we get on like a house on fire. She's been my greatest supporter through all my panic and we call each other everyday for a chat (to the greatest amusement of my husband who doesnt understand) - we live 3 roads from each other and I wouldnt want it any other way.

Please just look after yourself and try not to worry so. She doesnt sound like she wants to listen so you may just have to let her get on with it and she will come to you when she needs you!

love Sarah
xx

nomorepanic
16-03-04, 21:59
Diana

Firstly can I say then I never realised you were only 37 - my age - lol. I thought you were about 40!! That is not meant as an insult but because of all your wise words etc I thought you were older than me. Sorry I didn't mean that badly. I am sure you know I didn't.

I am like Sarah and I phone my mum every single day and so does my sister and she only lives a couple of miles from my mum (I am much further away).

When I was 18, I left to go to Polytechnic so I was thrown in at the deep end quite quickly and had to grow up. I still called her every day to let her know I was fine. When I went home in the holidays I would always let her know where I was and what time I would be home.

I think she is showing you great disrespect but I am not sure how you fix this one.

You are obviously not a bad mother so no idea why she turned out liked this - sorry that you have to put up with it all.

Perhaps you can just disown her for a while - that sounds cruel but what I mean is just tell her that you don't want to be part of her life until she respects you. I know that will be hard but so far you have been so kind and she has thrown it back in your face.

She is obviously rebelling by continuing to see this guy knowing that it upsets you a lot.

I wish I had a miracle cure for you Diana cos you so deserve it but I don't I am afraid.

When are we going to get a pic of you Diana - lol so we can see who we chat too.

You take care ok? I really hope this can be worked out for both your sakes.

Wishing you well in whatever you decide.

xxxx


Nicola

Laurie28
17-03-04, 11:49
Diana,

I really don't know what to say. I think Nic is right you really must 'let go' for now.

Please don't let her make you ill again Diana but I must admit even reading about her behaviour is getting me frustrated so I can only imagine how you must be feeling. Take Care
Lucky

diana
17-03-04, 17:40
Cheers!!!!!! on the posts Sarah, Nic and Lucky.

I really appreciate your kind words, and your suggestions are exactly the correct actions to take. I am going to take all of your suggestions onboard and put them into affect immediately.

I am looking after myself more now. Actually making myself a priority. It helps me kind of keep my mind off of what the "prodigal" daughter is or is not doing.

I refuse to let myself get sick one more day over all of this, because I know I can not control what she does or how she feels, but I can control how I react to her actions, and I have made a pact within myself not to go back to where I was a few months ago over all of this.

Even though it really does still bother me on the inside. I force myself now to live life in spite of my hurt feelings over this whole thing. Before I was just lying down waiting to die!!!!!!!!! basically, as if my whole existence would come to an end if she were not here.

Well I`m still here I did`nt die :), so I figure as long as I am here I may as well try to get some enjoyment out of it and not dwell so much on the sadness and pain. Make any sense????? LOL...... :D.

I hope you are right Sarah, that when she has her own family she realizes what she has put me through, and we can be "FRIENDS"!!!! I want that more than anything for us.

I know you are right Sarah, I need to let her go and when she needs me she will come to me. So I am going to let her be who she is, find herself or whatever it is that she is doing, and just let her come to me when she feels like settling things. Much easier than fighting with her all the way ey?

Nic and Sarah I am so glad that you both have great relationships with your mums :). Gives me hope that someday I will have the same with my little sweetie!!!!!!!!!!!! :).

I do as you both do too, but with my dad instead. I call him everyday just to chat about the days events and hear his voice :). I really have acquired a greater respect for him as a parent,because he raised me on his own with my gran as posted somewhere else on here. when my mum walked out on he and I when I was 5 years old.

I unfortunately "DO NOT" have that same relationship with my mum. I mean I am cordial to her when and if I see her which is not often, but other than that. That is pretty much the jest of that relationship.

Nic.... no offense taken :). Actually instead I am quite flattered at the sentiment. However I may look 40, but really truly I am 37 will be 38 in June LOL...... :).

Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean so very much.

You are right too Nic. I need to disown her for a bit and let her know that she can not just treat me this way and because I am her mom be expected to take it. I am tired of sitting back and taking it!!!!!!!!

Nic, I would love to send a picture. However you all may not love it!!!!!!! LOL.... :0, but I am not sure how to post it. I am a little ashamed to admit that LOL...... :) Can you send me some instructions on how to send a photo?

I hope all of this works out to Nic, I really do.

Thanks Nic, I will be taking care ............. :-D.

Lucky.... Thank you so much for your support :).

Kids can really get your pressure up can`t they?

It is amazing to me that this little blonde haired, blue eyed 5`5" 125lb. 18 year old girl can get me being 5`7" and an embarrassingly 200+lb. woman so angry, hurt, frustrated and irritated that I could just pull my own hair out.

such power in such a small package!!!!!!!!!!! LOL.............. :).

Thank you all again ladies for all of your help, support and suggestions on this topic.

You all have been such a great help and support to me. Mere words can not express my gratitude to you all.

I hope you all are having a great day!!!!! You all deserve the best the day has to offer.

Take care all,

Lot`s Of Love,

Diana xoxoxo [:X]

nomorepanic
17-03-04, 22:09
Good on you Diana

I really hope that it all works out for you and you can be happy once more with your daughter. It is one of those things that may/may not work itself out in the end and one day she may realise that she really needs you and how mean she has been.

Keep us posted ok?

As for emailing us a pic - do you have any on the pc?

Nicola

Lottie32
18-03-04, 11:15
HI Diana

Sorry I've not been on for the last few days - not enough time, and gremlins in my PC.

You poor thing _ my mum always thought she had it "tough" with me, but compared to your daughter I was an angel!

If I had carried on like that my dad would have confiscated my phone, car and grounded me. If that didn't work, he would have thrown me out.

I don't think you have done anything wrong in bringing up your daughter, apart from been maybe too nice! 18 is a very selfish age, and unfortunately for you, until your daughter has experienced a couple of lifes hard knocks, I don't think she is going to appreciate you!!!

For what it's worth I think you ought to go "rhino" now - develop a thick skin where your daughter is concerned, put on your tunnel vision glasses and think self.

I personally wouldn't let her come home now. I'm sorry, but I think it's what some people call "tough love". By all means help her get somewhere of her own to rent, and let her know you are 100% behind her, but don't let her walk rough shod over your feelings and good nature any more

(How many terrible chiches can you put into one post? Sorry)

In a few years time she will learn that freedom and respect are earnt, and not a given right that happens just because you reach a certain age. Concentrate on your other son and daughter and your self and your husband.

Have you discussed the issue with your children? What do they think of their big sister?

She sounds like what my gran would call a "right madam". Some people do not know when they are well off. I went into town in my lunch hour yesterday. There was a bloke in Tescos who had a six (ish) little boy with him. The kid said something and the bloke gave him the biggest slap across his face, leaving a red mark. The kid started screaming (and to be fair, if anybody had hit me that hard I would have cried to) and he crouched down and told him to "shut the fcuk up". I'd finished my shopping, so I made sure that I was in the same check out queue as him, and was determined that I was going to say something if the bullying bas**** did it again. Ten minutes later the hand print was still there. He didn't, so I didn't get the chance to say anything.

Some kids don't know when they are well off!

I hope that you are managing to stay calm Diana.

Just forget the idea of her coming home, help her rent, and let her have her "freedom". It won't be very long before she's home. She will soon realise that the world isn't one big party, and that she has some responsibilities.

Lots of love and hugs


Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

stimpy
18-03-04, 13:16
Oh Di

What can I say?

I think I would be tempted to change the locks and do a moonlight flit, in order to save my sanity.
I don't think you are being childish, I think you're hurt and angry at being treated like this.

I don't understand why she is associating with this guy, either.
My guess she is doing it because you have told her not to and she is asserting her "independance".
You can't control what she does, but you can control how you let it effect you.
If she doesn't come home or call to let you know where she is, think of it as a night of peace, free from arguements.
I know it doesn't stop you worrying about her, but she obviously thinks she is brave enough to take care of herself, and so you have to let her go and do her thing.

I'm sure she will turn up in good time, when her world comes crashing down around her ears. Then what happens next will be upto you.
I feel you would be quite within your rights to send her packing, to be honest.

Hang in there, hun.

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric

diana
21-03-04, 00:14
Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! on the posts :).

Nic,Charlie and Liz,


Nic... I to hope things work themselves out in the end. For now I have chosen not to "FORCE" her hand at a relationship with me. I will just wait till she is ready. If she ever is ready.

I mean I want us to get along, but she is so very angry with me right now, and I am honestly not sure why :(.

I will keep you posted as to how everything gets on though.

Thank you so very much, yet again for your kind post and support :). I really appreciate all of your support.

As far as a pix. I do have one I have scanned on my pc, but not sure how to get it through by way of e-mail. Any ideas? LOL............... :)

Charlie....... I know what you mean. I have just been able to get back on my pc today due to gremlins he he!!!!!!!!!!! What is going on?????

I have been fighting with Compaq and MSN for the past 2 days. A real pain in the rear!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL............. :)

How right you are about "18" being a selfish age, is it ever??????

I am afraid you are also correct in saying that she will have to experience a few of lifes hard knocks. In spite of the fact that I have tried to protect her from them. Is`nt it sad though that some of us need to go that route before we can appreciate what and who we have????

I am trying the "rhino" approach, and I must say that it actually does work while I am on the tele with her, but as soon as we have hung up I lose it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have given up on the idea of her returning home for now, as she never showed up for the talks. I have informed her that I did`nt think it would be a good idea for her to return home right now, as I did`nt feel that there had been any change in her behaviour or willingness to accept any rules or compromises. Needless to say that certainly did`nt earn me any "GOOD" points with her. She is more angry than ever with me right now. I just really don`t understand that part, her anger toward me?????

I hope she does learn a lesson about this life soon, because she is really just out there on the edge. I don`t even know her anymore, she has changed even more drastically since she has been gone. It really frightens me.

As far as her sister and little brother. They really are angry and disappointed with her actions as well. My son is sooo angry with her, he says he is getting tired of seeing me cry and his dad and I being hurt with what she does and says.

He said she is out enjoying her life and hurting the family he feels he has left here at home. It breaks my heart that he feels that way. He will not even talk to her on the "FEW" occassions that she has come to "VISIT" which means (pick up supplies/use stuff) etc. you get the picture. LOL...... :-D. That also bothers me that he and she do not talk. Can I win for losing??????

I think your gran would`ve been correct on that title for my little darling a "RIGHT MADAM" indeed she is. LOL... :)

I agree that "SOME KIDS DON`T KNOW WHEN THEY ARE WELL OFF" It is ashame that they will not realize it or appreciate it till they have had some real bad luck fall on them.

My gosh it certainly does`nt seem that the little boy in Tescos is one of them. His dad should really cherish these years as he has no idea what is waiting for him down the road ey? So sad that story.....

Charlie thanks for asking, I am trying my very best to stay calm and anxiety/panic free as possible.

After my little sweetie had a right good go at me over the phone yesterday and Thursday. It has been quite hard to get this knot in my stomach to go away, but I know I will be fine with my friends here and all the support you all give me :)

Thanks so much Charlie, you are such a sweet heart :). I can`t imagine you being a tough kid, because you are certainly an angel now!!!!!!!!!!!!

Liz............ Believe me I have thought of packing in the night and taking off to where I do not know, but just to save myself, somewhere. LOL....... :)

Somehow though I don`t think that is the answer either, but sounds good ey? LOL..... :-D

You are rig

Meg
21-03-04, 00:46
'I just really don`t understand that part, her anger toward me?????'

Hey Diana,

Here are a couple of points to ponder..

She used to be able to control you and you would accept anything she did and now you won't and she's angry because her plans are not working out as she intended ?

This is her way of throwing her toys out of her pram. She clearly cannot talk about it so gets angry instead - it's the 'I'm so frustrated' negative emotion.

By using anger she expects you to react by giving in to her - anything to keep the peace ?


I'm really sorry that she's being such a Right Madam at this time. Would it help you to try to look way ahead and be a little pleased that she has the makings of a great woman- independent, self motivated, self assured, self confident and once she's had a couple of knocks and grown up a lot she may just grow into a wonderful woman, friend and daughter.
Many great people have had rebellious times and behaved very badly to those closest to them but do get over it once they learn for themselves what is really important in life ....

This is such a difficult time for you and the rest of the family right now and you are all learning and growing from it in the unbiversity of life . I hope the other children are learning the right messages. It sounds like it from what you're saying .

Rhino power sounds like the best self preservation option. Tonic water and burps for the knots and lots of loving times with the rest of the family for you.

Take best care






Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

diana
22-03-04, 17:38
Thank you Meg, for you post :).

You are right about her anger toward me. I never saw it that way, but makes sense.

I know she has all the right stuff to be a "great woman" someday, I just hope she turns all of her negative energy into positive energy very soon. So that her and I can be friends once again, and re-establish our mother-daughter relationship on a different level.

I know I have to let her go now and let her establish who she is and who she is going to be. As hard as it has been for me to do this, I am doing it, because I know I have to. I don`t want to, but I have to :).

I guess like all things in life, we live and learn, and your are right, we are "learning and growing in the University of life".

I suppose there is no escape from living and learning ey?

I only hope I can take what I`ve learned from all of this and put it to good use with my other children.

My other children are really taking inventory of what their big sister has been going through and putting us through. So hopefully we can all learn something from this experience.

I agree the "RHINO" approach seems to be the way of self preservation at this point. I am incorporating it into my approach with her every chance I get :).

I actually did spend some time with her yesterday. She even bought me dinner. We talked in general, but seems that she is still avoiding the issues I would really like to chat on.

I suppose it is a start in the right direction though. I guess I will take what I can get for now, and hopefully get to where we both want to be eventually.

I have to admit the time spent with her yesterday was "GOOD" time. We did`nt argue, and we agreed on disagreeing for yesterday :).

I will just let things flow as they will, and not put any pressure or expectations on anything. I will just continue to live as I do and not allow her to interrupt my flow of life, and I not interrupt hers.

I suppose when she is ready for something more we can establish that at that time.

For now everything is quiet and peaceful, so I will bask in it for awhile :).

Hopefully someday we will be able to be friends again and put all of the hurt and anger behind us. However like you and so many others have mentioned. I know she has a bit of life to live on her own and experiences to experience on her own as well to get there.

So this is the time for me to reinvent myself, as it seems I have somehow without my knowledge, moved on to another stage in life LOL...... :).

I will put this experience down in my lifes journal and use the strength I have gained from it "NOT KILLING ME" as of yet, to reinvent myself and put more stock in me :).

Sounds like a plan ey? :-D

I want to thank you Meg, and everyone else who has posted on this topic and who have been so supportive. I don`t know what I would have done or how I would have handled this without you all.

I know this is nowhere near finished, but atleast I can breathe and know I will survive now :).

This is all because you all have given so much of yourselves on here, that I now know I can and will go on in spite of the "prodigal daughter". LOL............. :-)

Thank you all very, very much again.

Take care,

Love Diana xoxoxo

Meg
22-03-04, 18:35
Dear Diana,

Because we all are brilliant at thinking through every possible option, you get the benefit of many peoples many mind mappings and as we all think differently we reach many different conclusions.

There isn't a ' correct' one but all of them have value as they show a variety of opinions !!



Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

nomorepanic
22-03-04, 23:19
Hi Diana - Sorry for not replying earlier - I am running 2 days behind posts at the moment - been busy trying to get some old members to come back (as I told you in the email).

I think that maybe you should just let things take their course and not push things too hard just yet. Enjoy the good feelings of health you have and let things with your daughter take their course.

As we say here "it will all come out in the wash"

As for the email well - you just attach it as a file. Do you use Outlook? Would be good to see a pic.

On another positive note, I will be posting the Kalms to you tomorrow so you can try them if you want to. Watch out for the parcel in the post ok?

Take care and be strong - as you always are :D

Nicola

diana
22-03-04, 23:49
No problem Nic,

I know how busy you are.

I hope you are being successful in having old members return.

You are right Nic :). I am just going to give her space and time to find herself and grow with her new found independence, and I will be basking in my new found strength and learning how to live as a "distant" mum. LOL....... :)

I don`t use Outlook, but will try with my MSN e-mail service this evening. I will send it to your e-mail address. Then you can put it on the photo page on here.

Don`t be to frightened when you receive it LOL................ :)

Does it matter what type of photo it is? As I only have a "GLAMOUR SHOT" of myself scanned on my PC. Silly I know, but had a "FREE" coupon for a "GLAMOUR SHOT" so took advantage of it. LOL.............. :-D

Thank you for the Kalms, I will let you know as soon as I get them, and thank you for the post as always :).

Take care,

Love, Diana xxxx [:X]

P.S. Meg you are right about the different opinions and options given in advice.

I always take all opinions and options on board and use what I can.

It is nice to have more than just my own opinions and ideas to work with. It has helped me keep my sanity through all of this, that is for sure :).

Take care...........

Hope you all are having an anxiety/panic free day!!!!!!!! :)