I am so hurt and angry.

[Granny Primark]

The probs ive had with my son over the last 7 years have been horrendous.

After breaking contact with me and his dad for 3 years he decided he wanted to come back in our lives last year.
I had 2 grandaughters age 4 and 1. Id never seen the youngest one.
So you can imagine I was overjoyed.

Things went well at first but he refused to have contact with his sister and he wouldnt let her see his children.
This put me and his dad in an awkward position cus my daughter and her little girl are always round our home.
The things he called our daughter were terrible, yet she has done nothing wrong to him.

Anyway to cut a long story short things just went from bad to worse and in April I was on the verge of a breakdown. I went to see my doc and told her everything. She was so kind and even gave me a hug. She told me that for my own sanity I must take a temporary break from him.
After a month I was feeling calmer and ready to start again building our relationship.
He didnt want know and even came round to our home giving me abuse, throwing a glass of water on me and even head butting me.
My hubby restrained him but 2 days later the police came to our home at 6am and arrested my hubby. Our son had called the police and told them his dad had assualted him! My hubby was finger printed , dna, put in a boiler suit and locked in a cell for 6 hours. Obviously he wasnt charged.

However my son wants to come back now.
We cant have him back til his attitude changes. He doesnt want contact with his sister but rang her last night giving her abuse and sayin that his mum was a psycofrenic (sorry for the spelling)
Yes ive changed but because of upset weve had the last few years.

I am so very hurt and angry.
My panic attacks started at the time he took our first grandaughter off us.
Hes always been a problem child but hes also been a child that was very loved and very spoilt.
Me and my hubby blame ourselves for his behaviour.

Oh its done me good to have this rant.

[JaneC]

i am so sorry your son is causing probs again Lynn. Can only say I wish you and your husband wouldn't blame yourself so much, although it's the natural thing for a caring parent to think (the ones who do the real damage will not take any responsibility for it).

I have a friend who is a really lovely person and I'm sure a good parent but her daughter is a horror. I have another friend who had a pretty childhood, with an abusive mother, and yet is also a great kind and loving person.

How children turn out can just as easily be despite their parents as because of them imo. Did you really treat your son all that differently from your daughter?

Not much but at least try to give yourself a bit of a break on the blame front. I hope things get better x

[Granny Primark]

My son was an only child for 10 and a half years.
He had everything. He was spoilt rotten by my mum and dad.
However my mum used to tell him not to talk to me the way he did cus even if I was his mum I was her daughter and she didnt like the way he was upsetting me.
My mum died when he was 9.
Hes 35 he really should start calming down now.

[josparks]

i have a daughter 9 yrs older than my son and yes they can feel a little resentment but its no excuse for his behaviour towrds you hitting u is abuse even in anger has he done that before

[Granny Primark]

Hes filled my car with dirty cat litter, held me hostage and trashed our garden.
He lived at home til he was 29 so we cant be that bad parents.

[Granny Primark]

At the age of 14 I found out that hed bobbed school. I found him in the garage I went to get him and he drank antifreeze. We had to rush him to a & e.
We couldnt put him to bed if he was naughty cus hed trash his room. Yet he was never smacked as we didnt believe in smacking.
I so love him cus there is a good side to him as well. But me and my hubby are both 56 and there is only so much we can take.
Thing is he was always very bright at school. We are baffled.

[josparks]

i think hes got anger issues or somthing and u shouldnt have to put up with it i know hes your son but while u forgive him all the time he knows that he can do it again cos u will forgive him think he needs to see some 1 at his age its not normal behaviour i do feel for u its not a godd situation u must always have in ur mind whats he gonna do next and that doesnt help u u need to step bk i think cos i do think he needs help gor anger

[suzy-sue]

Lynn I really feel for you my love :hugs:.Unless your son does something to change his behaviour ie Anger management & or councelling .I cant honestly see things ever being different .This is nothing to do with how you brought your son up or have behaved towards him .Its his problem and he needs to do something about it .He is an adult now and has his own family ,surely he knows deep down the impact hes having on the whole family situation ?.Sometimes Lynn you have to be cruel to be kind ,carrying on as if nothing has happened just sends out the wrong message .Its saying you WILL put up with it and believe me ,he will continue to act like he has time and time again .Its time to think of your own health now and your Hubby .Its also not fair on your daughter and her family .None of you deserve any of this .I would tell him I loved him and want to be part of his life ,but unless he did something to prove to you he wanted to change .You cant let him destroy you and tear you apart like he has been doing .The ball will be in his court .I do hope he accepts he has a problem and does the right thing .Otherwise I cant see how you can let him be part of your life .No matter how hard and an impossible choice this is .Its down to him .I wish you all the luck and strength you deserve .Take care of you ,no one else will .Luv Sue x:hugs:

[KK77]

Lynne I really feel for you my love :hugs:.Unless your son does something to change his behaviour ie Anger managemet & or councelling .I cant honestly see things ever being different .This is nothing to do with how you brought your son up or have behaved towards him .Its his problem and he needs to do something about it

Sue's absolutely right Lynn - you can't blame yourselves forever. He must take responsibility and you and your husband must let go. Sometimes we do have to be cruel to be kind.

I know it must be heartbreaking for you but please think of yourselves and unless he really demonstrates that he's changed for the better by getting help for his behavioural problems, I think it's wise to keep your distance and only do what's necessary for your grandchildren.

I wish you all the best Lynn.