really down :(

[sharon35]

I feel so down at the moment cannot seem to shift this complete dread, i feel sick and waking up crying and feeling like i really cannot go back to work.
As some of you know ive been off work for the last 5 weeks with Anxiety.
In this 5 weeks all ive done is worry about going back to work and dont seem to be getting better, im on Prozac 20 mg and Propanolol 40 mg.
I started having panic attacks at work this is why im off.
The thing is i dont know what all the stress is about.
I go back to work on monday 13th sept and im dreading it.
I feel like just leaving but then i will need to find another job and thats just another problem because i have panic attacks with interviews and never go to them, thats the reason im doing this job at the moment because its somewhere ive worked before and didnt need a interview. ive been in this job for 1 1/2 years with no real panic until now.
Ive got a appt with the well being team on thursday afternoon and docs friday morning.
I just feel like my life is fulling apart at the moment and cannot see any way out and its all down to this one problem with me working i cannot relax and enjoy myself because its always there.
I do have good days, well good hours i popped into work last week to say hi and i was even anxious with that.

Please please can someone help me i feel trapped and so worried about the futher.

[moosecat]

hey ,
I really understand you Im on exactly the same timeframe with my work and came off my diazapam which were helping me sleep and now Im getting back to where I started. I dont know what we can do other than keep fighting. I was ill before like this and I did get better infact ive had ten years of fairly good times until now so it does get better. right now I just feel like 2 steps forward you know the rest. One thing to remember eventually the body does get used to dealing with the anxiety. I think I may have to tell my work I don't know when im coming back so Im leaving but if you work for an office they cannot sack you for being ill and they can't expect you to just suddenly get better.
I dont know if thats helpful, but you are not alone...

[sharon35]

Thank you Moosecat,
Thats what i feel like doing just saying i dont know when im coming back because i just cannot do it.
I cannot cope with this anxiety about work.
But then what do you do for money??? delt i would get any benifits if i leave my job.
What are you going to do?
Hope you are feeling ok today?
xx

[Nigel]

Hi Sharon,

I’m sorry hear that you’re struggling with this at the moment, but something struck me when reading your words.

“...ive been off work for the last 5 weeks with Anxiety.
In this 5 weeks all ive done is worry about going back to work and dont seem to be getting better”

Why do you think it’s not getting any better, I wonder... :unsure:

It’s hard I know, but it seems like there’s an awful lot of thinking going on about exactly the wrong thing! You see, we tend to experience more of what we focus our attention on, so if only there was a way to feel a bit calmer about the prospect of going back, I think that would makes things a whole lot easier.

One way is learning all you can about panic and anxiety, because understanding something often takes away a lot of the fear surrounding it. It can be reassuring to know that while I feels really scary, it’s just your mind and body trying to protect you from potential danger that isn’t really there. That it will pass and nothing bad will happen. And learning coping strategies like taking control of breathing, which can really help to calm down panic. Things like that can start to give you back a sense of control over panic.

Good luck for next week. If your boss is understanding, and bearing in mind what it says at the end of your posts :winks:, is it possible to go back part time to start with? I think that might help. And maybe pop in to say “Hi!” a few more times in the meantime.

Take care,
Nigel

[sharon35]

Thank you Nigel,
The more i think about it the more stupid it sounds ive spent 5 weeks panicing about some thing that hasnt happened i should of tried to use it more wisly and relaxed.
Im feeling abit better now and will go back part time to begin with.
Im hoping by next week i will feel more positive and be able to cope with a few hours at work. Hopefully my confidence will come back and i will be my happy go lucky self again.

xxx

[Maj]

Hi Sharon, yes, you may be apprehensive about going back to work but maybe you need more time off? When I was off earlier in the year (almost 6 weeks) I really felt the benefit of being off and was ready to start back work again. It's a shame you've been worrying about it all these weeks as this should have been a time to think about yourself for once. Maybe it's just the thought of starting back, but I'd seriously think about what would be best for me. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to return:hugs:

[Nigel]

You’re welcome Sharon. Glad it helped in some small way :)

“The more i think about it the more stupid it sounds ive spent 5 weeks panicing about some thing that hasnt happened... ”

That’s often the way. A person often just accepts the way they’re feeling without really thinking about what it is or why. But when they do, it often sheds new light on the problem and it doesn’t seem so bad after all.

Part time sounds like a good plan to me, and there’s another little trick you can play with words that might help. ‘Hope’ always feels rather vague – it might or it might not. ‘Expect’ is an altogether more positive word, I think.

Take another look at your last paragraph. Try replacing ‘I’m hoping’ with ‘I expect’. Read it back a few times. How does it feel?

Take care,
Nigel

[sharon35]

Thank you Nigel yeah that deffo sounds better! deffo more positive. xx
Maj thank you for your reply its nice to know people care and understand. xxx
Ive had panic attacks mostly at work thats what scares me, i feel ive been running away from my problems. which are unjust problems really of " fear" for no reason.
Im hoping going back will make me feel better, best to there panicking then sat at home worrying about panicing. sounds really bloody silly that does. ha ha ha :)