View Full Version : bloody blips
As some of you may know I came off my meds in October after being on them for nearly 8 years.
I have been doing ok, some days have been a struggle but I have persevered and thought I was doing ok.............. until last night.
Last night I had my daughters parent teacher evening, being a single parent who's children don't have contact with their dad (his choice not theirs I will add), I know I have to attend all these things.
Off we went, me and my 14 year old daughter, list of appointements in hand, 8 teachers to see first appointment 5.50pm last appointment 6.50pm.........easy.
Well so I thought, I walked into the hall feeling great and suddenly wham bam anxiety hits, eyes wont focus, legs go to jelly, breathing goes to pot..........and what do I do, I bloody ran, with poor Jade trailing behind me. Once I was back in the car I was fine, but too late then I was already in floods of tears, and there was no way I could go back in there looking like that.
I know how to deal with the panics and the anxiety, I could write a book on it, so why didn't I take my own advice and stand my ground, I am so angry with myself that I let it control me last night, and to be honest I now feel like I have failed......failed at being a good parent, failed at controlling my anxiety, maybe I am being hard on myself, but I hate to fail.
Anyway I need to get over this blip and put it behind me, and I will, but sometimes it is so bloody hard......... maybe I need to accept I am not superwoman and I can't take on the world, who knows eh!
Next parents evening I will be there and I will not run, sod the anxiety I wont let it take over my life yet again.
Thanks Nic for the phone call last night, it really helped and stopped my tears, what am I like LOL.
Take care
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
Failed?
Nah, we are only human and that includes you !
If only we could control everything, it would be all hunky-dory but it doesn't work like that.
Are you to contact the school to explain, and perhaps arrange to see any specific teachers another time?
Hugs to ya mate,
Ray
http://www.anxietyrelease.org.uk/
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers
Hi Ray,
Thanks hun, I have sent Jade into school with a letter this morning apologising, explaining and asking if I can go and see the teachers at another time.
And thanks for the hug, much needed today !!
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
Hi Trac, I know the feeling too well, single parent to 3. I have my youngest daughter's parents evening on Monday. I'm dreading it, i'm not too bad in open public spaces, but the thought of going into the school is unnerving me a bit, but I love your positive attitude that you will be at the next parents evening.
Les
Hey Trac,
I really really feel for you - blips are such horrible things.
Had you been stressing out about going to the parent evening before hand? I often find blips get me when i've been building something up in my head, sometimes without even realising it.
You have not failed at anything and I bet you are a fantastic mum.
Take care,
Henri x
Well we all know your not a failiure, well I know you are'nt so I can vouch for you there and I'm sure many others can aswell. :)
As for trying to be a superwoman I agree. It's all well and good helping others out on here but you have to find a balance and take some time out for yourself aswell.
Giving to others is one of the great pleasures that give our lives meaning, so I commend you for your unselfish support of friends. But, in order to keep helping others, you need time to replenish your own spirit and take care of your needs. Kind of like filling your own "love" well.
Like you said, It's just a blip, put it behind you and move on.
Trac you know very well what I think 'missy'!!!!!!:D
Obviously as a single mum of 3 teenagers the old parents evening is one of my little wobblers too. Thankfully ours are no longer done all in the hall like that and we go to different classrooms - this means on the whole I can keep moving!!
My behaviour at parents evening has to be seen to be believed at times. I have some sort of mini personality transplant at these things and either can't stop talking (verging on hysterically) or I'm plunging my head into my handbag to smell some lavender, coming out of it with mad hair and a rather glazed expression on my face.:D
It's really rather nice to know I am not the only one!!!!!!
Big hugs mate and catch you later.
Love Piglet xx
Lesley, good luck for Monday, then need a quick queue at these things for us anxious people dont they LOL.
Henri, thankyou for replying, I was actually very positive about the whole thing, until I entered that hall, thats when it fell apart.
Paul, thanks for the nice post hun, and I know I should find a balance, if I do maybe you will stop nagging me on MSN then [}:)], I will do it and I will get there, today is a new day eh, and what happened yesterday is in the past.
Piglet, thats the third time you've called me missy in 2 days now, I will be in the naughty corner next LOL. Well I have Erin's parent teacher evening next week, and that is one teacher one room, much more the way I like it, I can cope with that one, thank goodness Ami has left school now and goes to work otherwise that would have been another one to......er look forward to as well !!
Love Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
:D:D:D:D ok there missy!!!
When I say it I really emphasis the word big style - I'm doing it alot at home too and I think the kids have just about had enough, the middle one has asked very nicely if I will stop calling her boyfriend 'twinkle toes' or 'woolly nose' too, as its imasculating him!!!! I ask you boys these days !!:D
Love Pig xx
Hi Trac this was just a blip as you are able to recognise. Even when we know how to manage the pain, it is still possible to feel overwhelmed at times.
However, it is definitely NOT failure and you are being pro-active about going back there and making alternative appointments. Well done for that.
Karen
Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey
Trac
Well done for going to start with. Your intentions were all there. Its also been a while since you put yourself in that sort of situation so the feelings came and caught you unawares and overwhelmed you. It happens and we respond automatically for the first few minutes and if its in a formal setting it does make it worse.
Don't beat yourself up about it for long. You have now made other plans- you could always try to reach the teachers you really need to speak to by phone. Maybe you already knew some of the teachers can be a bit intimidating and that set you off as well as the strange environment.
All the best for Erins next week
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
Hi there,
reading your post actually made my stomach churn! It reminded me so much of the parents evenings i have had over the years, i think you did well to go, so you escaped, but you have sent a note in explaining things, your daughter understands what's going on, you certainly have failed at nothing, you are an excellent parent, so there!!!!!!!!!
Hi Trac, sorry you had a blip, at least you had Nic on the phone to give you support afterewards which must of helped a lot.
I am sure as been suggested, you could maybe see them seperately perhaps after school to keep away from them surroundings, anyway just a thought, sorry not much good to you at the moment, wanted you to know Id read it and am thinking of you etc.xx
Most of lifes battles are won, by looking beyond the clouds to the sun:
and having the patience to wait for the day,when the sun comes out and the clouds go away.
love from Alexisxx
Hi Trac xx
Sorry to hear you had a blip xx
Keep you chin up hun xx these things happen sometimes xx
take care of yourself
Luv
Laura xx
hi Trac
Hey you, First of all I would like to say you are not a failure you have done really really well. I can't go on my own as last week it was my son's parents evening and my other half was poorly and i had to take my sister - i dont know what they thought! lol. YOU WENT. You will get there try not to dwell on it. at least you have arranged another meeting.
Keep plodding on and msn me anytime.
take care
bobsy x
Hi
Sorry to hear you had a blip, I so often feel the same with my Eleven year old son! Im sure the teachers will re-arrange for you, keep smiling!
Wendy x
Hi Tracy - Your message brought me and my daughter even closer than we already are because she could relate to what you said.
I was reading your message with my 14 year old daughter reading over my shoulder then she shouts out "Thats was just like you, Mum". It was as though I had written it.
The exact same happened to me two years ago. I used to cope not too bad with primary school but it was my first time at high school but I went prepared with my list of times and thought I would deal with it. How bloody wrong I could be, like you said entering the hall, all the people, room spinning, floor moving, instsant reaction - RUN - all down those corridors and got to car and sobbed my heart out. All the same thoughts as you "bad mother, etc, etc".
Anyway to the positive part. Last year the parents night arrived again! I was more prepared this time and although I was nervous I got through it and was so proud walking back to my car.
Another one is due next month and this time I have another hurdle to get over. My ex-husband will be going as well, we only communicate about our daughter but on that night I will just have to hold my head up high and deal with it.
My motto is now "Well I havent failed, because I tried"
Take care for now
Darkangel
........life is for living not just for surviving
nomorepanic
01-03-06, 20:19
Trac
Glad you posted for some support mate.
Last night was something at the end of a bad day for you anyway as you had other stuff going on that I know was playing on your mind a lot.
It hit you by surprise and wham you were there and getting anxious.
I know you can bounce back from this and do it again if you need to in the future.
Don't be hard on yourself mate - you went and you tried it and you will do it next time.
Hope all goes well with the school now.
Nicola
Karen.... thanks hun and yes your right, by going back I am being pro-active, I never thought of it like that :D
Meg........ thankyou, I think it was the big hall, hundreds of people, two of the things I hate the most, I will do Erin's next week and I will be ok!!
Carlin..... well that told me didnt it LOL, thank you.
Alexis...... I know you are always there mate thankyou.
Laura..... thanks hun, i'm sure this time next week I will be wondering why I was so angry with myself.
Bobsy........thanks mate, and thankyou for the lovely pm too:D
Wendy........Jade came home today and all the teachers were brilliant and have said they will give me a call to re arrange another appointment to see them.
Like I always tell everyone else onwards and upwards lol.
Take care
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
Hey Trac,
Glad to hear you are feeling a bit more positive now. You know you can do this, and i am sending lots of positive vibes your way!
ONWARDS AND UPWARDS!
tracy x x
Every time you avoid your fears they become stronger,every time you face your fears they become weaker.
darkangel.......... thanks its nice to know that someone else has felt exactly the same way I did last night, it always feels worse though when you feel like you have let your kids down though doesn't.......mind they are so good about it and never make me feel bad.
Nic.......you are probably right mate, it was a crap day all round for me really, and I did have a lot on my mind before I even got there.....and yes I will bounce back I always do LOL, thanks for everything your a star :D
Tracy.......thanks for the positive vibes.......and oi, thats my saying LOL
Take care
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
Hi Hun,
School does it to everyone hey!
Seriously though, I know I haven't got any kids, (yet! hopefully anyway!) and so I don't have to go to those horrid things, but you have to remember YOU ARE A STRONG PERSON!
OK Missy?????!!! (thought i'd nick Piglet's tone!) It was just a bad day and YOU ARE NOT A BAD MUM!!!!!
OK! So no more or you will be in the naughty corner!
Consider yourself well and truly told off now, I'm even raising 1 eyebrow as I type this!
I know it felt huge, but please don't give up on it, it was asmall nasty mind thing playing games, and if anyone can get through it, you can!
Looby
xx
Hi hun
Thinking of you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
blondeangel
02-03-06, 23:57
trac67..
I don't think that you should feel that you are a bad parent in any way. i am sure that your daughter understands, and it is actually good for her to see that you are human, and that we are not perfect. No...you are not wonderwoman, but you are doing the best that you can. I am sorry to hear about how you felt after your anxiety attack, but you reacted how you thought you should at the time, and if you feel that how you reacted was a mistake, then that is ok...we learn from our mistakes.
YOu have every right to feel how you felt...because we are all entitled to our own feelings and we are all different.
ACtually to me, you sound like you are very brave. Just because you have one blip, does NOT make you weak in any way. You sound like a very strong person to me...hey being a single mom, and having an anxiety disorder, and what ever else you have in your life...you are doing awesome!!!
I have not read any of the other posts, because I wanted to reply just to your first post...I hope you are doing well, and keep being strong!!:D
Well tonight was Erin's parent teacher evening and....................I DID IT
WOO HOO!!!!
Her teacher was running 15 minutes late so I had to hang about waiting...aarrgghhh, but it wasn't that bad the anxiety was there, but I was able to ignore it. After that sitting talking to the teacher was easy, well I proved to myself that I can do it, without the back up of meds, so like I always say, onwards and upwards from now on :D
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
nomorepanic
08-03-06, 21:24
Trac
I am so pleased you went back to prove that you can JFDI it. :D
A huge well done mate and I knew you could.
You proved that last time it was just a blip and this time you stood your ground and did it.
WELL DONE YOU!
xx
Nicola
tracey
yippee YOU DID IT but i knew you could WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL DONE. [^]:D
You proved to yourself that you could do it and having to hang around as teacher was running late [Wow!] would have been stressful enough in itself and you got through it. it maybe gave you time to sit and compose yourself.
but well done your a star
take care
bobsy
Nice one, Trac! [^][^]:D:D
Love Kate xx
"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"
Thankyou Nic, Bobsy and Kate :D
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
Well done Trac
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Text made me chuckle - big hug mate and nice one :D:D:D
Catch you later xx
Piglet
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.
Thanks sal :D
Piglet - well I had to let you know how ace I was didnt I LOL, thanks mate XX
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
Good Girl, take care mate!!!!!!
aww thanks Carlin
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
Paddington
09-03-06, 15:19
how FABULOUS trace,what an achievment,BRAVO!Many would have been scared of the 'fear' to try again so soon.You are an inspiration girl you really are.WELL DONE!Love mary-rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
we are all in the same boat and can guide each other ashore
Thankyou Mary Rose that was a lovely message :D
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
**I will do Erin's next week and I will be ok!!**
and so you did !!
Very well done Trac.. Good for you, glad you have the confidence regrowing quickly now.
Love
Meg
Thankyou Meg, I will get there without the meds, I am determined to.
Love
Trac xx
'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'
Very well done Trac. Glad you went and proved to yourself that you can do it.
It is great to read that you are feeling so positive.
Karen
Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey
Hi Trac, I was worrying about nothing. Parent/teacher interview went with a breeze, probably because it was about 5 mins long lol!! No panic, slight anxiety but that was cos I was expecting Courtney's teacher to have nothing positive to say, Courts isn't exactly an angel, but then again whose kids are perfect eh!!! Stacey's is a queue for each teacher & usually takes a couple of hours, I absolutely dread it, its also a Catholic College & I find the teachers far more disciplined than at primary level. Some of the teachers scare me!! They wear black gowns & look like judges!! Still, its a small sacrifice for our kids mate, & we CAN do it (boy am I dreading it!)
Take care.
Les
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