Travel phobia/panic attacks killing my dreams :(

[~glowly worm~]

Hello ;)

i have been trying desperately to fight this alone staying positive and thinking positive and even pretending to all around me that evertying is better than it is.
Well..it isnt :/ and if anyone could pelase offer support or advice i'd be very grateful.

..i dont know where to begin.. my story is a long one so i'll give you how it is now.

*First the motorway phobia came - cant go on motorways.

* Then i had a gigantic panic attack on a train (a kind stranger had to sit with me the whole 10 hour journey after delays etc because i ended up screaming on the floor for help which has never ever happened in public before - so cant go on those anymore).

* I passed my driving test after years of on and off lessons due to the illness. Had it for a few months, had to give it in for medical reasons and when i got it back can no longer drive without panic.

This is problematic as

* my hometown is 300 miles from where i go to uni so my mum has to accompany me when i go back for hols (in late 20s this is not what i want!) and it takes 12 hours by A roads.

* i have a pt job very important to me which is about 50 miles away and its getting to the point where im thinking of having to quit.

* the only therapy available to me over the holidays is based 1 1/2 hours away so i've missed 3 sessions in a row and am due to go today (terrified) ..

*Almost all my friends live miles from me

* to add to things now have something wrong with my ears, making me feel constantly ill/ dizzy/ unreal/ hot and cold and they say they cant fix it before returning to uni this makes travelling even more scary as i also have health anxiety.

* This has meant if i go out in public i feel ill instantly. I have fought this but still havent been into the city (which i have to do today if im to get to therapy!)

I have been trying the following:

*Avoiding avoidance ;) When i have to go somewhere, going despite how i feel. I got almost 20 mins before my destination (about 40 mins on train) last time when the train became too packed for me to manage and i had to get off and go home, since then havent been on train.
(didnt realise also had ear prob then either so that wouldnt be helping!!)
This works mostly, however the ear problems are now making it nearly impossible especially with driving.

* mindfulness- observing my surroundings, taste of sweets sips of water

* distraction- music, reading, imagination, daydeaming

* self CBT - recorrecting my thoughts '(This is just panic, i'm ok its natural to feel anxious but i an get off at the next stop if i need to)

But none of it works anymore i'm now so afraid -im begnning to feel i'll never be able to crack this.

Hope this ramble made some sense and there is some form of light at the end of the non accessible tunnel ;)

Many, many thanks xxx

[Vixxy]

Hi the main thing I notice is your self CBT. The statements you tell yourself may not be powerful enough for you to believe them.
Pick one of your fears and write down everything that scares you about it. Like this,
I am afraid of XXXX because I feel like I might XXXX, which will lead to a really bad anxiety attack. I feel like the anxiety wont stop. etc
Then put a circle or underline every important "fact". You then need to go to each circled statement and think of an alternative belief for it. Once youve got one for each of the circles you can build it into a new alternative thought.
Dont be afraid to get really in depth and long winded with your new thought. It works better if its got substance.

[Vixxy]

Aswell as the new alterative thought I think it would help you if you take baby steps. It sounds to me like youre throwing yourself in at the deep end and expecting it to be a bad experience.
Ive just got over a fear of going on the motorway myself. I had a massive panic attack nearly 2 years ago and since then I had avoided going on any big roads that didnt have an escape route. Motorways were my all time worst and i point blank refused to go on one! Even though the journey could take 45mins, i would take the A and B roads and double the travel time!
After avoiding motorways for 2 years I have now travelled the whole distance that i needed to along the M27 and the M3. To get to that stage i did the following. I know you can do this too :)
So my advice is to take small steps. Set yourself some homework of something you feel you can cope with.
Do a little research and find a stretch of motorway thats close to you that has a small distance between exits. Im lucky the bit thats closest to me has under 1 mile to the next exit.
So you guessed it. Now you need to go on the motorway just for 1 exit. Itll be over before you know it! Then you can come home and pat yourself on the back for a job well done! Itll probably make you feel crappy, youll be anxious and jumpy BUT YOU DID IT! Even if you didnt make it on the motorway but got as far as the slip road thats something.
So now all you need to do it keep repeating it. Every day (and you do need to do it every day) go to the motorway for one stop and then come back again. Keep on doing it until you feel ok and then go to the next exit or maybe 2 if youre brave.

It took me less than 2 weeks to go from "NO IM NOT GOING ON A MOTORWAY EVER AGAIN!!!!!" to actually driving the distance i needed to on it with no quibbles. Yes i was still anxious about it, but i did it. And ive done it 3 times since then!

[Vixxy]

Oh and make sure you reward yourself for doing well. A bar of chocolate or the promise of something new once youve acheived a goal will help to motivate you.

[~glowly worm~]

Hi Vixxy,

what an incredible relief to read your post :)

It means so much to not only have advice from someone who knows and also a bit of evidence that it can be cracked and i have maybe been going about it the wrong way.
I will be sure to put in place the things you have suggested and begin by being able to drive on normal roads first. Once i can do that with no panic the motorway challenge will commence;) I'm stil terrfied, however its worth giving it everything rather than live so restricted.
And yes, every day x By the way, did you have passengers or go it alone?

Really well done on your achievements, i hope your rewards are great! :)
Will keep you posted with progress.

Many thanks indeed for the time and energy you put into the reply.

Warmly,

~Glowly~

[Vixxy]

Hi again.
I was in the same position as you are about 2 months ago. I was barely leaving the house and would only drive around the village i live in.
As soon as I came to any roads that had a lot of traffic I would start to panic, and then turn around and come home again.
So i decided to go to the Tesco store thats about a 10 minute drive away(this was also about me walking around the store aswell). It was very very hard, but i did it. I kept on going until it just felt normal to go there.Once i had that under my belt i picked another destination and tried that out.
Dont push yourself to do anything too big to begin with. This is all about building confidence in your ability to do it!
If you do it once a day youll eventually get used to it. If you do it twice a day then itll become the norm faster. Its amazing how quickly your body will become aware that nothing bad is actually going to happen to you. Your confidence will go through the roof once youve cracked that first place :)
Try to keep a note on how you felt when you did it. I take a pen and paper and write down any of the "naughty" thoughts that pop into my head, so that i can CBT them afterwards. Dont write whilst driving though lol!
As for how i did it. I was alone. Since that panic attack in the car 2 years ago i rarely drive with anyone in the car with me. Its my next thing to overcome actually :)
Have you decided where you want to try and go to first?

[~glowly worm~]

Hi again Vixxy :)

I have some encouraging news to report :)
Yesterday i made it to my workplace!!!

...it was on the bus because i realised im not ready to get there by car yet, however i woke up feeling really ill and had had an awful nights sleep. My eyes hurt, my head hurt and my neck felt even worse but remembered everyone's advice and your encouraging story and decided to go anyway.

To cut a long story short, not only did i make the first bus journey (40 mins) but... the second (2 hours long!), then did the things i needed to do when i arrived AND by the journey back i felt barely any panic! It was that fast!! :)
It was exhausting though and took constant redirecting of the thoughts including non stop internal description of my surroundings (eg; colour and size and shape and texture of seats, peoples cloths, buildins, fields etc..) but i coped! :)

And you're right!! I'm almost looking forward to doing it again next week!
However I'm focusing on driving until then wiht the aim of getting to my therapy session next tuesay in a town about an hour from here ;)

So today the plan is...

To drive past the place where i drove home in a panic last time.. (about 20 mins) and get to Asda (10 mins more) then... if i cope with that and feel i can.. on to the charity shop to drop some things of.. down a busier stretch of road for another 15 minutes. Then I'll go home as it will probably be enough, but shall see.. if i feel its enough and i feel good, I'll call it a day.

Have already identified some key thoughts i get that hold me back and how keeping my breathing slow and calm and continually doing the internal distractions helps.. as does (when on the bus) planning/deciding on that reward ;)

So..here goes..*gulps*

And many many thanks..its so good to have someone to share the journey 'in another respect ;) ' with.

I wish you every success in cracking the next step of your double edged journey ;)

Have you a plan on how to begin with it? I'm sure it will be tough but have no doubt at all you can do it..please do keep me/us posted!

And thankyou...;)

Warm hugs... ~Glowly~

[Vixxy]

Good for you! That was a bit of an epic journey for you :D
It sounds like youve had a shift in the way you think and youre now seeing the positives in your life and knowing you can do it! Give it a few weeks and youll be going out all over the place:D
As for me, i plan to go out in the car with my husband. Just down to the front of the village I live in and see how it goes. Im sure itll be fine and ill realise that ive been putting it off when i didnt need too!
Keep up the good work!

[~glowly worm~]

Hey Vixxy,

I sure hope so, it is definitely shifting faster than i thought it could.
I think because of refusing to believe it cant anymore ;) altho its taking a while for it to shift but that must be natural.

Sounds like an excellent idea of yours to get to the village with your husband! I'm sure it will go well for you :D have every confidence you can do it! As your signature says... day by day (mile by mile?!) ;)
Have you a date/time planned for this? Eager to follow your progress:)
Will be thinkiing of you!

Yours excitedly!

~glowly~

[~glowly worm~]

Hi Vixxy,

just another update! (hope don't mind)

Managed yesterdays goals :)

Got past the point where i had to turn round last time and only stopped very briefly this time on the way there!!!

Then made it to Asda!!! had a quick look round, then on to the charity shops (a crazy road that one! :/)

On way to the next place (anothr supermarket) a driver cut me up, i missed an exit and it freaked me out a bit, but this time rather than feeling panicky i was more worried about being lost and causing an accident! So that to me is progress :) If terrifying! :p

From there decided not to go back to the supermarket on the busy road instead i headed back home (the traffic was getting heavier by then) and went to the local one.

managed the shopping, but got anxious & kept muddling my gears so stopped for a snack and decided i needed to keep going for a short drive to overcome the panic and not undo the work. So dropped some things off to the tip and went to Asda again! The back home for a much needed rest as the shakiness was starting to set in.

Todays challenge i am quite scared about as im headed to a friend's in the city *gulp* . However seem to have found the best time to drive (quieter) for now, (11-3pm) so must get cracking now..*gulps*

But thankyou and i do hope today is treating you kindly :)

Warmly,

~ glowly ~

[ladybird64]

Hi ladies

I have nothing constructive to add to this thread but thought I would mention how much Im enjoying reading it!

Congratulations on how well you're doing :)

[Vixxy]

Wow do you feel different? Your initial post was about the world being closed off to you and how hard you found it... in just 3 days I can feel the positivity beaming off you! You should be extremely proud of yourself for doing so much :)
As for me ill probably try being in the car with my husband tomorrow. He works hard all week so doesnt really have much time in the evenings for anything but relaxation and dinner XD
Keep me updated on your travels :)
Oh another thing i did was to open a twitter account to post up what i was up to on a daily basis. That way I can look back at what ive been doing and feel proud of myself. Its all too easy to forget how well youve been doing if you get a bad day, so the reminders really help :)

[~glowly worm~]

Welcome Ladybird :)

Thankyou for your lovely encouraging post relating to our journeys which was indeed constructive!!! :D

Vixxy- hello again! :)

I understand your husband wanting to relax in the evenings and i guess that is good for you in a way because stress is often worse at night- tho im not sure if thats the case for you? So i will be thinking of you tommorow and looking forward to hearing your progress :)

Wel yes, i guess i do feel very different!
After the first journey you were right in thinking i would be eager to try the next one and i'm finding it quite exciting- almost beginning to enjoy driiving again :) Not only has it given me confidence that i can do this but i'm looking forward to working on trains and coaches and motorways next (all in good time ;) ). Plus it has provided evidence that the small steps and progess can be applied to other anxieties i have too (like permanently moving into my own place and not coming to live at home during uni holidays). Im still scared, however taking it slowly like you suggested and having more evidence that it is okay and that the techniques work to distract fromt he thoughts, is really helping!


Today was a set back however, as i had much trouble even getting motivated to get out of bed, experienced awful emotions and mood swings and didnt want to do anything at all. So in the end my brother kindly offered to sit in the car with me whilst i drove us to the place where the driver cut me up yesterday so that i could get rid of the anxiety about that road again. This helped but was enough - so todays goal of driving alone to the next place (my friends in the city) didnt happen :( Still, i'm trying not to beat myself up about it as i still went out and built my confidence so that hopefully tommorow the challenge can recommence!

Here we go eh? ... Sending gentle courage to you - you CAN do this no problem!

Warmly,

~ Glowly ~ xxx

[~glowly worm~]

Hi Vixxy,

Just wondering how things are with you and if you managed to get out yesterday?
Have been thinking of you x

Warm Hugs,


~Glowly~

[Vixxy]

Hi Glowly. I didnt end up going out, Ive got a sinus infection or something. Its making me feel lousy :( At least its not the anxiety stopping me going out though! :D

[Clairalou]

Glowly and vixxy I wanted to post and say a huge well done to you both, you've both come so far from your original posts!

Don't worry about the bad days we all have them don't let them set you back. A good friend of mine always reminds me of the saying "you can't boil the sea you have to take it one cup at a time" so baby steps little goal and huge rewards. I wish I was as brave as you 2!

xxxxx

[Vixxy]

You can be brave too Claira! Maybe you can join us in beating one of your fears? :)

[~glowly worm~]

Awww Vixxy :(
So sorry you are feeling so lousy :(
Hope you are being well looked after and gentle on yourself and tho its horrible for you it is great it is not due to the anxiety yes :)

Sending gentle huggles x

Claira, thank you for the kind words of encouragement - do love your quotes, especially the glow worm one :D But maybe im biased hehe :p

why not join us??? I couldnt have done this without Vixxy's support so we would *love* to have you on board! Its like Vixxy says, you CAN be brave but we tend to need a bit of help to get there, even if u start by asking us advice x

By the way, just in case you have the time/want to know the latest...

i made it *all the way* to the town where my therapy is held :) (took about an hour) It was soooooooooo scareeey! :O But i kept thinking of you and how i would feel when it was over and how i have managed before.

I let myself stop whenever needed but not every time, sometimes pushed a little harder. Got lost when arrived and had to come straight home and the traffic got mental and i panicked, really didnt think i could make it home but was stranded otherwise so stopped again and kept telling self 'i've done before, it will be better to just go do it or the thoughts will make it much worse' and look for the next villages where i could turn off if i needed to but carried on past each one and the way back only stopped twice! Once for getting lost and needing directions :p

Oh! And at one point took a wrong turn and to my dismay ended up on a dual carriageway!!! :O :O :O That's my worst nightmare next to motorways at mo :/ Luckily there was a roundabout pretty soon after which meant i cud turn around and get back on the right road. After that the rest of the way seemed a breeze :)

Drove there again yesterday! This time i got a flat tyre 20 minutes into the trip at the garage after deflating it by mistake (using one of those machines) aaaarghhh... that was pretty scary in itself and i wanted to turn back but remembered not to and only stopped once more for 2 minutes on the way :)
Upon arrival actualy had a couple of hours in the town centre but found it hard to relax due to worrying about if the traffic would be heavy on way back.

It wasnt too bad AND i didnt stop once! :D Except hen i got almost home and theres a little gardne centre so i had a peep round there as a treat and bought my family some cake as a celebration :)

Today im going again *gulps* as a triel run for my therapy appointment tommorow, so im leaving at 12.45 as if i was meaning to arrive there on time.

That will be harder cos i have a blood test in the morning and tend to get scared and want to stay home afterwards AND wil have therapy when i do get there, then the drive home.. so we shal see... *gulps*

Raly hope you feel better soon Vixxy and Claira, hope you decide to join us, you HAVE it in you and we would be excited to have you on board...so to speak ;)

Warmly and tremblingly...

~Glowly~ xxx

[Vixxy]

Hi again Glowly. Sorry for not responding in a week!
Youre doing so much now! And even though its making you anxious you really do sound so much better! Im glad I had a part in you feeling better about yourself!!

As for me, I went to the doctors on Friday and was told I need a blood test! Ive got it booked in for Tuesday morning. Its going to be a hard one for me. How did your blood test/therapy go?

Because Ive been feeling so lousy Ive not really been going out. Its really getting frustrating!!! I was doing so well and I dont want to undo all the work I had been doing. I bit the bullet and picked up my mum from work yesterday. She works in the village so it wasnt a big drive back, but I was so chuffed I did it and I was OK!

I hope youve been getting out and about. Let me know how youre doing :)
Vicky

[calabozo50]

Hi, I've suffered the same things for around 6 years(see my thread). I was making progress because I had a girlfriend 10 miles away and used to see her twice a week. But she's moved away and I work in the same place as I live and hardly drive any more.
As for trains or buses, I haven't been on those for years, like to be in control.
Make sure if you make progress to keep doing it or else it will get bad again like me.
Tried to drive back to my home town today about 22 miles away. I bottled out just before the dual carrige way. Gonna try it again tomorrow.
Hope you crack this, because I know exactly how your feeling, Mark.

[LiquidSky]

hi glowly, I get how you feel, my first ever panic attack was on a train, sat reading a book, and all of a sudden I was hit with immense fear and adrenalin I got off the next stop and ran to the main road to a chemist where I was rushed to hospital, on oxygen only to be told it was a panic attack which was completely alien to me.
As for the motorway side, I had an accident on the M6 9 years ago and couldn't get on a motorway for 2 years. However as Vixxy says, I was trying too hard to get back on them and gave up, and instead started baby stepping it, going on for one junction, picking the shortest distance, I managed to build this up slowly and started using little distraction tricks, switching the radio on, singing, having the window down a little. Also, I would milestone the service stations, the M6 is particularly good for this because it has so many, and would see the next one is 1 mile away, the one after is 14, so lets get to the 14 mile one, this broke the journey up for me and reminded me that I could get off at any time and I was never far from the next one. Also, I found that if I was getting panicky, I'd slow down, pull into the fast lane and sit a safe distance behind an english lorry (bound to be one) as they go max speed of 55 miles an hour, so I didn't feel like I was obstructing anyone with slow speed, over a period of time, I started getting braver and managed to overtake a few, knowing that the panic feeling always subsided, and I'd set myself little goals, like spotting a lorry in the distance and catching up to it (at a safe speed) and pulling in behind it and following for a couple more miles.
Good luck with it all, you sound like you are making a lot of progress, by the sounds of things.

[Oz]

Hi, im new to the site but reading your post gives me so much hope! I too struggle with journeys and its so hard to get out of the mind set of ' i wont ever be able to take that journey again' and not going places with friends because of the fear that I'll panic as soon as im on the motorway as i cant see my next exit. So i will now use this advise and hope to make as much progress as you guys.

x

[~glowly worm~]

Hi everyone,

so sorry i stopped posting..things got very hectic when i left for uni and have only just had chance to get back on here- with big big thanks to the modeator who resolved my not being able to log in! This reply is not going to b very detailed because im feelign rubbish at mo but wanted to get back on here and thought it best to start with this thread as i wonder how u are all doing..

Vicky how are you feeling now? Hope you are recovered and continuing your wonderful progress?

Oz how are your journeys going? I totally empathise as it feels like its uncrackable and we miss out on so many things with others but ur right it seems baby steps are the way to go.

Liquid Sky you realy did seem to b making progress, the train episode thing sounds terrifying, but the tactics very useful...i found getting some powerful cheesy motivating tunes on an ipod really helpful but have to have familiar ones oddly enough! How are you doing these days? Have you managed to keep up the baby steps? It would be greta to know :) The junciton at a time thing does really help almost like it allows us an escape and means we can look forward to successfully completing the journey and going home after short periods and gradully more and more lengths added. The lorry idea is clever too ive used that myself and it really does help!

Hi Mark, i understand how hard it is after backing out myself, its so hard not to do it again isnt it? And it must be even more difficult without the motivation of your girlfriend but i do hope u can remember the progress u made and that the drive went better the last time you attemped it. Thats the main thing- that u did it again despite the fears.. and even if u didnt do ti then..to keep on trying it and not give in it does get better honest ;)

It helps so much to not be alone in this however im really scared right now..

Made lots of progress since summer, managed that drive to therapist and back (2 hours long including way back on busy roads!) three times!! Before then i was unable to even get to the local ASDA (20 minutes).
Drove on a dual carriageway (leading to a motorway whic i once had a panic attack on) with my mum and over a huge bridge on the way here to uni -after which i was so exhausted mum had to drive the rest of the way to uni for me..and i kept crying and anting to come back.. The journey lasted 2 days and had no end of trouble once I got to uni (with stuff non related to driving). Unfortunately been so busy the progress stopped there and i dont know the roads here so its harder to go it alone...but..

Was lucky enough to get support form O.T on NHS for my driving phobia (because i live so far from home and i need to drive for my career) So have been going out once a week in the car with an O.T. We began by doing half an hour on an open spaced road in countryside then went to going not only on a dual carriageway but onto the main motorway (2 lanes for now). Have my last session with her on monday before ahving to make the journey home again :/ ... So i just feel im getting there when i have to make the big journey and never feel ready for that :(

Having only gotten 2 exits on motorway on 2 lanes.. im worried because we have had awful snow and ice which mean side roads may be closd and we will have no choice but to do motorways... all the way.. (8 hours!!! :( ) I just dont know i can manage that.. But its this or the trainw hcih i havent been able to work on yet cos had to focus ont he driving thing..not sure if it might be worht doing train instead (my mum can come with me) but this feels a step back or maybe not as its also really impssible??

Its making me feel so ill..

Would love any support/advice and tips especially as after 2 weeks at home il have to come all the way back again ready to sit some important exams :/

But.. would also love to har how its been going for you lot!

Oh or a transporter machine eh? :/

With warm hugs & thanku for al your support.. ~ glowly ~ xx