Anxiety situation help

[Topdude]

Hello i am new to this forum and this is my first post. I will try and tell you the sitaution the best i can without waffling on to much.

I have never had a problem with anxiety, nothing apart from sometimes i can feel a bit panicy as i am drifting to sleep. About a month ago at work there was a bit of a situation (not serious) that basically resulted in me and this particular lady not talking, before this incident we got on really well in and out of work.

I started avoiding situations best i could where i would be alone with her because there would be a horrible silence which i never liked.

Lately there has been more and more situations where we are togther but unfortunately i am unable to handle these situations anymore. After a few minutes of the silence i start to feel anxious and funny, it gets that bad i have to leave the room.

Anyway, it got that bad i simply never went into work if i knew she was going to be in. This was getting ridiculous now so i text her saying we need to sort this out. Not long after that i got a call from my manager and i basically explained the situation best i could and in the morning the "woman" phoned me up and we had a bit of a chat.

I went to work naturally feeling anxious and was so worried about that "feeling" i get where i have to leave the room.

So i got to work, we had a hug, bit of a chat and everything seemed ok and the rest of the day went fine (this was on a friday). I decided to work on Sunday with her and this other lady but oh no, them funny feelings came back, even when she talks to me after a while i get this really funny intense anxious feeling that i have to turn away and then leave the room when she has finished.

That day i did a runner from work and made an excuse up. This weird anxious feeling remained though and i started getting anxious being alone, with friends and round my mum. I woke up on monday feeling terrible, a constant anxious feeling that would not go away, on tuesday i was even worse and didnt even want to go out but i had to go out.

I phoned up the doctor and explained and he basically prescribed me citalopram 10mg for first week upped to 20mg on second week.

I said i would never use an antidepressant ever again as i suffer terrible side effects but after a lot of thought i decided to give them a try (today is my first day) but i dont know whether i will continue them. I think diazepam would of been more appropriate for this situation but he wouldn't give me them because they are addictive.

What i cant understand is why i get this horrible anxious funny feeling while round this person even though everyhing is ok between us now, how can i stop the feeling and do you believe the medication iv been prescribed is ideal for the situation? is it even anxiety, i really dont know. Its hard to explain to people and nobody seems to understand, especially me. Thank you

[Kell]

The mind can play cruel tricks on us. It remembers how we felt before in a situation and triggers the same feelings. It's like a circle of fear. Fear of the anxiety occuring. The mind is only too happy to oblige in supplying the anxiety now that the anxiety is predicted & expected. It's finding a way to break the circle so that the anxiety subsides. I can completely relate to how you are feeling. I suffer with anxiety and there is nothing to feel anxious about other than the anxiety itself. It is a very cruel condition.

Be kind to yourself, try to think positively, try to keep your body as relaxed as possible and steady your breathing.

You will come through this

Kel
x

[Topdude]

Thanks for the reply, it makes sense. This is only a recent problem though and at its worst while with this woman, its all down to this silly situation because even when i am not with her i am thinking about it. Now i cant decide whether to stay on the medication or try and go through it without? I really dont want to be on an antidepressant. It would be interesting to see how i react with her while on medication but i dont know. I have not worked on a wednesday in a while because of this lady but am im considering going in tomorrow, thing is the medication may make me worse, oh i really dont know. I dont feel to bad at moment with regards to the medication but i felt bad earlier on.

[Topdude]

I really cant decide whether to continue the medication or not, dont know if i can handle the side effects.

[Topdude]

I decided not to continue with it but i feel more wired today than i did yesterday. Cant wait till this piece of crap drug is out my system.

[Topdude]

I really want to go to work today and overcome this, its just i know how i am going to feel when i get there. I know i am talking to myself but i am the only person to talk to at the moment.