need help please......

[calm]

hi my friends...i need some help i really really do.

as some of you know four years ago i went through major surgery which left me housebound for approx four months.....and it took every ounce of strength to survive...it had major affects obviously on my family.

since june this year when my daughter got ill with kidney problems i have gone back to that time...and all the "what ifs" keep on coming back....what if i get ill and cannot be there for kerrylouise....how will she cope. now since june this thought has spiralled and made me have these awful anxiety/panic attacks and it consumes my thoughts constantly!:emot-crying::sad:

i am seeing a counsellor had one session three weeks ago and not scheduled until the 21st september at my surgery...unfortunately when i asked her about coping strategies she kindly informed me that none of them work....how good was that...not!...i just felt so so deflated!

can someone help and offer me some advice...i am on meds but they are not kicking in...been on them for two months....i know i need to retrain my mind but for some reason it is fighting me!

sorry to be so long winded xxxxx here is hoping that someone maybe able to help me xxxx

lots of love tracey

[Hazel B]

This is your mind playing tricks on you with unhelpful thoughts. You will be ok, you just need to start to believe it.
Please do ask for another counsellor if the one you have seems unhelpful, there are coping strategies that work.
Give the meds a little longer and if they still don't help, go back to the doctor and tell them.
Take care and be kind to yourself.

[calm]

thank you so much hazel..i so appreciate your message xxxx i will have a good talk with my gp xxxx

[Nigel]

Hi Tracey,

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time with this at the moment. You sound like a very strong person because I’m even scared of going to the doctors :blush:

“i am seeing a counsellor... unfortunately when i asked her about coping strategies she kindly informed me that none of them work.”

Hmm... yes... very encouraging :shrug:

I think what you’re experiencing is perfectly normal – being concerned for the wellbeing of your daughter if something should happen. It’s just that that normal concern has gotten a little out of control to the point of taking over everything else.

I can see a lot of reliving the past going on. I'm sure it’s hard not to after a traumatic event, but at the same time it’s been lived once and doesn’t need to be relived over and over again. It’s not as if anything will change. And I also see a lot of attempted fortune telling and living in the future, but that’s not really possible either. Being aware of a few ‘what ifs’ is prudent, but there’s no point dwelling on them because unless they actually happen there are simply too many possible outcomes to contemplate, and it’s hardly surprising that the poor old mind gets a bit overloaded with it all.

And while all this living in the past and future is going on, what is happening to the present... :unsure:

That’s the only place where you can actually live your life. It’s the only place you can actually make a difference for Kerry Louise. I know it’s not easy but try and let go of some of those ‘what ifs’ for now. Leave them to fate and start living a little more for today.

Bestest luck :)
Nigel

[calm]

NIGEL....I HAD THE SAME COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I HAVE JUST ASKED FOR ADVICE ON THAT...IF I SHOULD INFORM MY GP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO WE HAD THE SAME EXPERIENCE.....AMAZING ISNT IT. my counsellor told me it was all crap.

nigel i went to bed last night saying "what ifs never happen".....and i kept on saying hoping and praying that it would be in my mind when i woke up...but alas its been a hellish day.

yes if only i could live in the present...in the here and now....please please i want that to sink into my mind....i am normally a strong person...but since june this has knocked me for six....since my illness four years ago...i embraced life 100%...but then my daughter got ill and the what if's started...and it has spiralled out of blasted control grrrrr as you said...its not normal...well we all worry about our kids but mine has gone into overdrive and not healthy.

thank you nigel for your post xxxxx

[Nigel]

Sorry Tracey, I think I confused you with my attempt to do ‘quotes’ :blush:
I was actually repeating what you wrote and agreeing with you. Don’t worry.

“i went to bed last night saying "what ifs never happen".....and i kept on saying hoping and praying that it would be in my mind when i woke up...”

Maybe that was being a bit to unrealistic for your mind to accept because very very occasionally they do, although probably in a completely different way to how we imagined. So it’s easy for it to come back with another ‘but what if...’

So perhaps something more like; “What ifs hardly ever happen, and in the very remote possibility that it might, there are so many possibilities that I can’t possibly plan for them all, so it’s rather pointless plus it’s spoiling my enjoyment of living today. And anyway, I know things will be ok because...”

I hate thinking about things like this too and try not to, and I don’t have anybody depending on me. Sometimes when a person is having such thoughts that won’t go away, it helps to think it through to it’s conclusion rather than leaving it hanging there in their mind unresolved. Answering that ‘what if’. It can often feel reassuring to know there is an answer to it.

I once heard about a woman who had a ‘worry chair’ for just these sorts of nagging thoughts. She would set aside a time in her day to do her worrying, then when one of those nagging thoughts popped into her head she would say to that thought; “Thank you for making me aware of that, but I’m a little busy doing [whatever] right now. I’ll give it some thought at [allotted worry time] so you needn't to remind me about it again until then”, and she’d imagine that thought whizzing off into the distance so she could get on with what she was doing.

At that special time she would go and sit in her worry chair and give the problem some serious thought, but only for a set time – say 20 minutes. If she found a resolution she was happy. If not she would simply say to the thought; “Thank you again for making me aware of that”, because the thought did have a positive intention, “but I’ve given it some consideration and I cannot resolve it. The outcome is just too far into the future to see it clearly and it cannot be resolved at this time. So you needn’t remind me about it again unless you have some new and useful information”, and she would send the thought whizzing off into the distance and got on with the rest of her day.

Take care :)
Nigel

[calm]

oh nigel that has made me lol...so very very much...what am i like.....me is abit dizzy sometimes....well most of the time at the moment.

thank you oh so much and yes i will try and do this :)

[Lynnann]

Hi Tracey,

Please go back and have a chat with your GP, your counsellor doesn't seem very supportive, understanding or constructive.

Have you ever done or thought about CBT? even a few weeks of that may help to retrain your mind for when the negative thoughts and worries creep in?

Lynnann:flowers:

[calm]

hi lynnann....hiiiii....yes i am going to see if my gp will put me forward for it....im not sure how it all works or wot the criteria for getting the treatment is....so if anyone does know and can give me any tips that would be wonderful xxxxx

my mind has gone back to four years ago as i said....and i need to retrain my brain and you are so so right the counsellor i saw....lovely lady but hopeless.....she even told me that she wants to give up counselling and concentrate breeding and showing her cats....oh dear!

thank you lynnann xxxx

[Nigel]

Hi Tracey,

Hope you’re having a better day today :)

“thank you oh so much and yes i will try and do this”

It might’ve sounded a bit silly but some people do find little things like that do help. And it does make sense when you really think about it...

What would happen if you had some vitally important piece of information that you just had to give to a friend, and you couldn’t get them to notice, or to take it on board? It’s quite likely you’d keep repeating it – probably getting louder and waving your arms about trying to get their attention. Or repeating your warning again and again if you felt they hadn’t fully appreciated the situation.

Those nagging thoughts that just won’t go away are a bit like that too. They come from the subconscious part of the mind, which is always looking out for you and wanting to keep you safe.

That’s why it can sometimes help to simply acknowledge that thought and give it a little consideration. Then to thank that part of your mind that brought it to your attention and assure it that the matter has been understood and dealt with. But that doesn’t have to mean ‘resolved’, because many thoughts can’t be. Often they’re more like warnings about possibly future events. So it’s good enough to simply say; “Thanks. I’ve taken it onboard but I don’t need to worry about it at this time.”

Take care,
Nigel

[josparks]

what meds are u on hun

[calm]

hiiiiii im on cit 30mg xxx going back to doc to see if they can increase my dose...or if i can get some cbt therapy....its blooming awful!

thank you xxxxxx

[calm]

nigel...thank you oh so much for this message....it really is appreciated...thank you xxxxxx

and yes i understand what you are saying completely xxxxx

[Nigel]

You’re welcome Tracey.
If any of my waffling helped then I’m pleased :D

Take care,
Nigel

[calm]

of course it has :bighug1: