Just so sick of it now :( :(

[beaniepudblue]

:weep::weep::weep: ive had enough of feeling like this, i WISH it would stop!!!

basically ive had anxiety and depression since my early twenties. Im going through a really bad time of it at the moment and i think its related to PND as i had my 3rd baby boy just over 3 months ago. Its severe health anxiety. It was triggered by a friend of a friend passing away of cancer :( :(

started off about 6 weeks ago, where i thought my bowel habits changed, so i went to docs, all fine. Then, i started getting a pulling sensation in my upper back, accompanied by all i can describe of as a "burning" skin sensation. This went on for a week or so, and seemed to be coming from an area near a mole i have on my back. went back to docs, all ok again, i got all upset telling him about my anxiety and stuff and he offered to prescribe me proprononal. I said i would see how i go and try to take some herbal things. I got back home and after reading the side effects, i decided not to take it, and get herbal things to try first.

So then after that i started getting a sore gland in my neck, and muscle aches in the right side of my kneck/shoulder/right arm. I felt around my neck, and i know ive always had prominent glands in my kneck but i convinced myself one was swollen more, so off i went to docs again, mentioned the aches and pain etc and again got reassured saying its all due to stress/anxiety. So now im getting dizziness :( :( which started at the weekend and its definately there. Its worse when i walk fast or turn round/lean over and get up. Ive been reading up on vertigo and it sounds like that but its still there. I asked the dentist about it too as im having probs with teeth and need a brace and asked him if dental problems can cause dizziness and he said no. But ive read online it can, especially problems with your bite and alignement of your teeth.

So off I went back to docs again yesterday, i really didnt want to go but told my health visitor and she said not to be scared of going back, so i did. Doctor reckons its all tension again, and im also going for a blood test to check my iron levels. He felt around my shoulders and back and kneck again, im getting a mild headache too around the area. Im so scared and think theres something underlying hes not picking up and ive got cancer or something :weep::weep::weep: am scared of getting the blood test done now too :( :(

somedays i can have a good day, i get up and all goes ok, but i usually find my symptoms come on around now, its always this time they come on

my mum and partner keep reasuring me and getting quite cross with me telling me im silly and to stop worrying. Ive NEVER had it this bad its horrible i just wish it would stop and feel normal again, :weep::weep:

sorry for going on just need to rant and get it out i hate it!!!!!

[Neen]

Hey there,

I really sympathise with you. I am exactly the sane; however I'm surrounded by cancer. But my HA started before this job anyway - doesn't help though.

I went from having melanoma. To now having throat cancer. I'm convinced - totally convinced. I'm awaiting Barium Swallow and MRI results if head and neck - only because I pushed GP

My GP's are useless and I'm actually formally complaining about them via the PCT. So I can truly understand your worry. My biggest fear is cancer. We all know somebody who has died of it or will know somebody personally.

Like my brother just said to me on the phone - 'Nina why worry about something you have no control over - try and live your life' I know he is right, like I'm sure you know your ma and hubby are right. But it's easier said than done huh!

I have to come in the bathroom to write on here as my partner thinks it makes me worse - even though I try to make him understand there is only so much a non anxious person can tolerate and sympathise with.

I do try and stay away from certain posts that I feel will make me worse. Please try and concentrate on your bubbas and speak to your health visitor about your PND. I am a firm believer diet ( a good, healthy diet - not a WAG or film star diet) and exercise hold the key to so much.

Try some light exercise, yoga, some meditation. If you can spar some money go and have a massage? I found an Indian Head Massage to be very beneficial.

Your not alone. Seek some help, never be afraid to ask for help. But to a degree we must help ourselves huh?? Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and weep alone as my dear nan would say. Hope this has helped a little? Best of luck - god bless.

Nina xx

[beaniepudblue]

thankyou for your kind words (((((( hugs)))))))

having a really hard day today :( :(

the "burning" skin sensation thing is back again. Its on my shoulders. Ive noticed that it was this time last month, just after my TOTM, that i had it then. Maybe its a hormonal thing??

I asked the doctor if all my symptoms could be to do with something like fibromaylagia or CFS. But he dismissed this. Im thinking of going to see the female GP at the practice just to confirm things. But the doctor ive seen is really good and been there 20 + years, and all 3 times ive been this last month or so hes said its all tension and anxiety

its taking over my life at the moment and i hate it :( :( :(

Jen :(

Jen xxxx

[pete24]

hi jen i know exactly what your going through have been like this for 18 months ..how long for you?i know its hard but if you dont beleive your gp then change.i generally trust mine and you need someone to trust.i have asked my wife to check my testicles 3 times this week ...i trust her but get doubts after but i know deep down she will say everythings fine.i hope to have councelling soon...

[beaniepudblue]

thanks for your kind words pete. This all started with me at about end of July. Ive always had anxiety and been anxious but this is totally taking over my life right now

i went for blood tests on friday to check my FBC and im convinced something is gonna show up in them now :( :( im getting aches and pains in my shoulder and back and all stiff and just my other signs that the doctor is saying is all stress and anxiety/tension but i just dont believe him :( :(

i hate this so much :(

[Jaco45er]

Ahhh the ole health anxiety cancer trigger, doesn't really matter what it is, cancer, heart attack, DVT, brain tumour, fear of cross-dressing (not me, obviously) it's all the same cause, the anxious mind.

Don't you hate it when people say "Why are you worrying? just forget it and move on", if only it was that easy eh ;).

But what is this health anxiety? it's the way I feel? Well technically, it's the way you think you feel, all very real, but all HA is, is the way we think about how we feel, all triggered by the sensitised mind (to quote Dr Claire Weekes :)).

True example:

Last week, I was working with a pal and half way through the day he went, "ouch". i asked him what was wrong, he just said "for a couple of weeks, he's been getting this sharp pain in his head". I asked him what did he think it was? He just said "just a headache, I have some pain killers in the van, no big deal".

Now my mate doesn't get anxiety, and when I spoke to him yesterday (had to call him, he's a Newcastle fan, so with wine glass in hand, I enjoyed 20 mins on the blower taking the mickey out of him:)), I asked about the headache, he said "what? oh that? naa took a pain killer been ok since, and I had forgot all about it".

Now if this was me a couple of years back, that pain would equal brain tumour and that would equal certain death soon. Then, I would spend every waking moment convinced I am a step from death, and my whole day would be engulfed with fear. And any niggling pain from then on in, would only prove to establish further (along with google) that I am right, I have some serious condition and about to check out.

So what's your point Jaco, you don't half go on ;).

My point is, what's the difference? thinking, that's the difference. My mate's life was not ruined by the constant fear of how he felt in that instant, and that's becuase his non-sensitive mind knew that this was only a wee pain that everyone gets, and not worth stressing over.

Nothing knew there then, I have not given any big anxiety secret away, but hopefully what I have pointed out is, as HA sufferers (of which I rarely still get, but a lot less than in the past), we expend all our thoughts on how we feel, it fills our days and minds, and we end up staying ill.

Go to the GP beanie, and once he says you are fine (and get a 2nd opinion if you still can't be convinced) then enquire about therapy like CBT, or similiar, as this all stems from how we let ouselves think.

HA is a miserable condition, and hard to overcome (but not impossible), but once you accept that it really is our own anxious mind's, you are on the first ladder run to recovery.

Good luck

Jaco

[beaniepudblue]

thankyou for your reply Jaco. I know exactly what you mean.

i have been to the gp 3 times with my symptoms and he has said its all anxiety/tension/stress, especially the aches in my shoulders and neck etc and the dizziness. But im still worried :( :( and im worried about the blood test results coming back i need slapping :weep: I was going to go back to the lady doctor but am praying my bloods come back ok and it will help with all this im going through thinking something is lurking. Im having counselling starting next week. How do you get CBT is it therapy would the doc have to refer me ?? Ive also added that book to my wishlist on amazon and am getting it next week. I bought one last week, one is called coping with anxiety and depression by shirley trickett which is good xxxxxxx

[pete24]

jaco is of course right in what he says but the only person we do not listen to is ourselves....we never listen to our own advice

[pete24]

you get councelling by referral by gp ...but it does take time