lecb
08-09-10, 21:09
Hi, i'm new to this so please bear with me!
I'm ellie, 22, and have Lyme Disease (have had for 10 years now). I never had any mental health problems before contracting the disease...
I started at about 12 with obsessional thoughts (killing people, myself, having to touch door knobs etc or i would cause world disasters etc), and depression. I was on citalopram for 3 years which i found helped the depression but didn't do much for the obsessional thoughts/OCD.
I started getting panic attacks too, and being afraid to leave the house, due to fearing having a panic attack - i had to have someone with me all the time and it became very restrictive for me and for them.
I got a new psychiatrist (he's great) who put me on Sertraline. Coming off citalopram was awful, one of the worst weeks of my life, but about 1-2 weeks of taking sertraline i started feeling much better, and never really had any side effects. I started on 100mg, then went to 150mg and then 200mg. I was on 200mg for a long time and was very happy. My GP didn't think i needed to be on them and cut them to 100mg over night. I had a terrible week or so but then settled into the new dose, but i would say i never felt as good as i did on 200mg.
I notice that when i am physically more ill, i tend to go down mentally too, so in my case they are definitely connected.
Earlier this year my Grandad died, and i don't honestly think i have processed it fully, or grieved properly for him. I am also just about to start medical school (after 3 years of not being able to go due to not being well enough).
About 2 weeks ago i went away for a week abroad (a massive deal for me given i have a history of agorophobia, and i didn't have a family member with me - just a friend). I was really nervous about going away so i upped my sertraline to 150mg. My psychiatrist trusts me enough to let me have a 50mg leeway.
I had a great time on holiday but on the last night i suddenly felt a real sense of panic and disorientation when i was suddenly away i was "away from home" and "really abroad". It panicked me and i took 2mg of diazepam (which i always carry for security and rarely take) and this settled me.
Since then i have not felt right. I have been feeling very depressed, so i contacted my psychiatrist who upped my sertraline to 200mg, which i have been taking, but i seem to be feeling worse. I am feeling what i can best describe (from google) as depersonalisation. Here are my symptoms:
being aware of "me"
not feeling like i'm in my body (Even know i know i am)
feeling really scared of being in my body and almost trapped in my body (sounds ridiculous)
like i am not controlling me (Even though i am and i know i am)
feeling like i don't recognise people like my family
feeling panicky
feeling like my memories aren't mine
wondering what the meaning of life is
realising i am human and what is humanity and the world
I need to know.. am i going insane? I know that it is not normal to feel these things. Could it be a side effect of the higher dosage of sertraline, or am i going insane and this is the beginning? The worry of thinking i am going insane and losing a grip on reality is making the problem worse.
Sorry for the great epistle, but i would very much appreciate anyone's help and support.
thank you kindly,
Ellie :)
I'm ellie, 22, and have Lyme Disease (have had for 10 years now). I never had any mental health problems before contracting the disease...
I started at about 12 with obsessional thoughts (killing people, myself, having to touch door knobs etc or i would cause world disasters etc), and depression. I was on citalopram for 3 years which i found helped the depression but didn't do much for the obsessional thoughts/OCD.
I started getting panic attacks too, and being afraid to leave the house, due to fearing having a panic attack - i had to have someone with me all the time and it became very restrictive for me and for them.
I got a new psychiatrist (he's great) who put me on Sertraline. Coming off citalopram was awful, one of the worst weeks of my life, but about 1-2 weeks of taking sertraline i started feeling much better, and never really had any side effects. I started on 100mg, then went to 150mg and then 200mg. I was on 200mg for a long time and was very happy. My GP didn't think i needed to be on them and cut them to 100mg over night. I had a terrible week or so but then settled into the new dose, but i would say i never felt as good as i did on 200mg.
I notice that when i am physically more ill, i tend to go down mentally too, so in my case they are definitely connected.
Earlier this year my Grandad died, and i don't honestly think i have processed it fully, or grieved properly for him. I am also just about to start medical school (after 3 years of not being able to go due to not being well enough).
About 2 weeks ago i went away for a week abroad (a massive deal for me given i have a history of agorophobia, and i didn't have a family member with me - just a friend). I was really nervous about going away so i upped my sertraline to 150mg. My psychiatrist trusts me enough to let me have a 50mg leeway.
I had a great time on holiday but on the last night i suddenly felt a real sense of panic and disorientation when i was suddenly away i was "away from home" and "really abroad". It panicked me and i took 2mg of diazepam (which i always carry for security and rarely take) and this settled me.
Since then i have not felt right. I have been feeling very depressed, so i contacted my psychiatrist who upped my sertraline to 200mg, which i have been taking, but i seem to be feeling worse. I am feeling what i can best describe (from google) as depersonalisation. Here are my symptoms:
being aware of "me"
not feeling like i'm in my body (Even know i know i am)
feeling really scared of being in my body and almost trapped in my body (sounds ridiculous)
like i am not controlling me (Even though i am and i know i am)
feeling like i don't recognise people like my family
feeling panicky
feeling like my memories aren't mine
wondering what the meaning of life is
realising i am human and what is humanity and the world
I need to know.. am i going insane? I know that it is not normal to feel these things. Could it be a side effect of the higher dosage of sertraline, or am i going insane and this is the beginning? The worry of thinking i am going insane and losing a grip on reality is making the problem worse.
Sorry for the great epistle, but i would very much appreciate anyone's help and support.
thank you kindly,
Ellie :)