becks xxx
09-09-10, 16:08
Hiya,
A few weeks ago i made a promise to myself that i was going to make sure i done something every day, just a walk to the shop even , aslong as it got me out and i kept it up and going to the nearest shopping centre a few times a week
I'm in my last year of school now, and went back at the beginning of this week after 6 weeks off due to summer holidays. Last year i was hardly ever at school becos it was just too hard to face, so far this week though i really have been pushing myself to the limit, had a few blips but nothing major. What really bugs me is in lessons all i seem to do is count down the time, then it doesn't seem to move, then i get more anxious and impatient, then my heart starts racing then off i go, but i am deep breathing so staying in the lessons
Anyway what i wanted to talk about was today, after nearly 3 good days - staying at school for the whole day, today i come home after 2 and a half hours, i just couldn't do nomore. I'm so worn out which caused depersonalization to kick in then i just felt like i had to go home, i was too scared. I was moaned at by a few family members with them saying "you've been doing so well why give up now" "you've managed the rest of the week why couldnt u struggle through the rest of the day" and the one that hurt the most "i no u say ur pushing urself but u need to push harder"
The fact ive been pushing myself to the absolute limit to still be told i can push harder really got to me? made me feel so useless and such a failure, because of today going bad does it mean im going backwards? :weep: xx
A few weeks ago i made a promise to myself that i was going to make sure i done something every day, just a walk to the shop even , aslong as it got me out and i kept it up and going to the nearest shopping centre a few times a week
I'm in my last year of school now, and went back at the beginning of this week after 6 weeks off due to summer holidays. Last year i was hardly ever at school becos it was just too hard to face, so far this week though i really have been pushing myself to the limit, had a few blips but nothing major. What really bugs me is in lessons all i seem to do is count down the time, then it doesn't seem to move, then i get more anxious and impatient, then my heart starts racing then off i go, but i am deep breathing so staying in the lessons
Anyway what i wanted to talk about was today, after nearly 3 good days - staying at school for the whole day, today i come home after 2 and a half hours, i just couldn't do nomore. I'm so worn out which caused depersonalization to kick in then i just felt like i had to go home, i was too scared. I was moaned at by a few family members with them saying "you've been doing so well why give up now" "you've managed the rest of the week why couldnt u struggle through the rest of the day" and the one that hurt the most "i no u say ur pushing urself but u need to push harder"
The fact ive been pushing myself to the absolute limit to still be told i can push harder really got to me? made me feel so useless and such a failure, because of today going bad does it mean im going backwards? :weep: xx