DEATH !!

[Sit2Know]

My wife's sister is dying in the ICU. We were told that it would happen two weeks ago and in spite of removing life support systems she is still lingering. She has been sick a long time but is has been nothing but one crisiss after another for 4 months. I have major health phobias and wont go near the hospital and my wife is doing most of the care and work.

I was in a very bad anxiety breakdown before this happened but I think this is taking me beyond anything I have ever felt before. All I do is walk and pace all day and feel insane.

Could this outside stress over her sister be taking me down. I am really sick and tortured. How would you feel?

James

[BunnyMazonas]

Honestly I would feel just as bad. What you are going through right now is awful, truly awful, and what you are feeling is totally normal. You're going to feel conflicted and tormented by this whole situation; of course you are! You care about your sister in law and want to be able to support your wife, to be there for all of them, but your own anxiety means doing this would be very unhealthy for you, mentally. That sort of situation is going to make you feel helpless and conflicted. It is bound to make you feel worse. :hugs:

The best thing I can suggest is to find ways to show support without having to expose yourself to things that trigger your anxiety. If your wife is doing most of the care for her sister, try and provide a calm and supportive environment at home. Keep the house warm, tidy and inviting, with soothing light levels. Make time at home become a time of sanctuary for both of you; peaceful music, comfort food, soft bedding and comforting conversation. You will both feel better for it, both in terms of relaxation and by feeling supported and involved.

Do you do any art at all? If you can't be there in person, I'm sure your sister in law would love to get a letter, a card, a painting or some other token to show her you're thinking of her.

If you are at all religious, or if your sister in law is, you could offer prayers and healing thoughts.

My best friend's little sister died this year, and my stepfather-in-law the year before. For both of those, someone in the family arranged something lovely; a memorial picnic. Loads of friends and family got together in a public park, in beautiful surroundings, and shared food and stories. We lit candles, let off sky lanterns and talked about our happy memories of the people we had lost. These events are easy to arrange, but are so good for everyone. If you feel up to it, you could offer to arrange something like this for the family once the inevitable has happened.

The key thing is, giving yourself an opportunity to show you care, and to grieve in your own way, whilst also keeping your mental health up to scratch.

I hope you'll accept my condolences, and I hope you find some peace in all of this. :hugs:

[DavidJ85]

Death is a very natural part of life and what you're feeling is TOTALLY normal. I'd be just as anxious and probably a lot worse.

You are strong, you're ready for it and I promise you from all the research and beleifs I have she is going to go to a better place! It's never over.

My condolences to you.

[Fly away Katie]

What you're feeling is completely normal, especially for an anxiety sufferer. When my mums friend passed away last year, it sent me off the rails. Id never felt so down or alone. I put it down to over-active empathy I feel for people. :( have a hug *huggle* x x x x x x