i can't do it

[daisycake]

I'm aware I've posted a lot on here over the last couple of days but I'm sorry, my anxiety has really gone up - as I've been taken off one Pill and onto another - and I've got to go back to uni a week today, I'm so scared. I'm VERY tempted to get into an agreement where I go to uni Mon-Fri and do weekends at home but I don't know if that will work - I'm so scared. Panic is at it's worst when I'm on my own or away from home :unsure: so what am I going to do? I read earlier about people who had premonitions about 9/11 and I suddenly thought, what if that is what I am epxeriencing? The last couple of months I have been convinced I am going to end up with some kind of illness, terminal, and it's really worrying me. I'm needing desperately some kind of support and I don't know where to turn but I'm lost and I just want to sit and cry. I've been self harming too and I don't know what to do anymore, my doctor dismissed it and said not to worry. But I've gotten into this thing where I really dislike meself and self harming seems to be the way to cope. I'm so scared and don't understand why this has happened to me, I don't know how to get back to how I used to be. I'm tempted to ask my mum if I can stay here all year rather than going back to halls - as my home is only 20 miles from uni/halls - but I don't know if that'd be right :weep: I'm so tired, my period's really heavy too, I'm not sleeping much...
Please help? (and I should say thanks for hugs in previous thread, means a lot)

[paula lynne]

you CAN do it...wot a crap time your having, and a heavy period too, no wonder you feel like you do. Its natural to worry about dying, getting ill etc, and sept 11th excacerbates our feelings...please talk to a friend/councellor/gp...Im sure you will feel better soon when youve got uni work! love x:hugs:

[CrazyCatLady]

I agree - you can do it!

Even just a heavy period can make you feel wiped out, don't feel bad for feeling down; you've got a lot to deal with! Sept 11th brings out so many of our emotions, and it's not going to help any feelings of dread you've been having.

Hang in there - and like Paula said, please open up to someone and get some more support.

MAJOR hugs!!

:bighug1:

[Fly away Katie]

Hello Daisy my love. My anxiety's been through the roof recently, just like yours. I was supposed to be starting Uni this year, but like you, I don't feel like I want to venture far from home, so I decided to take the same uni course at my college, I thought that would suit my temperamental anxiety better.
But well done for sticking Uni out so far, you've done brilliantly :hugs: And I believe you can do this term aswel. Take one day at a time, and tell yourself your premanitions are silly (I had a similar thing with having death dreams and having this horrible feeling inside that I was aswel, going to die) But we are not. We should enjoy life while we are young. Try and spend time with friends when your not studying, and study hard.. it will take your mind away from these daft thoughts. You can do this, I have faith in you ;) x x x x x

[ellie_C_mason1990]

i am also going back to uni and am bricking it! i am so far from home and most of my house mates are always at uni so it is a lot of time on my own... with internet health sites!!

do the people you live with know about your anxiety? i have told one person which is helpful as she knows what to do now if i seem distant, or locked in my room and picks me out of it.

you really do need to find some things to do when you are really panicing on your own. try and make a plan. i like reading but i cant do it when i have anxiety, but i like listening to classical music which calms me a bit and i like burning insence . try and be strong and not ring home every other minute. turn the lights off, get into bed and just cry, let it out.

the feeling of impending doom is awful, i KNOW i am about to get ill or something is going to happen to someone i love. i swear once i saw my own ghost which has made it worse. and its so crap when we are at uni and these are supposed to be "the best days of our life" but we are crippled with anxiety!

are you having CBT?

[daisycake]

Aww thanks all of you, you all sound so nice :hugs: em, I have tried going counselling (through the uni, and once with some woman at my surgery) - the first time all she was interested in was going through the past and picking at issues that had happened when I was little, it left me feeling a bit thrown because I'd never discussed things before, it was as if you had always seen something as OK and normal, then someone comes up to you and says "hey, no that's not normal, you need support" and basically in the long run it just left me feeling worse. The second time I was given lots of self help booklets and she told me to try hypnotherapy (in the form of Paul McKenna CDs) but I was too scared to be honest! I am thinking of trying to tell my flatmates this year - last year I didn't and spent a lot of time in my room, and I think they thought I didn't like them or something. So this year I might try and see how they react - I put a message on f/b last night saying I was worried about being homesick and one flatmate (haven't met her yet) said not to worry, we would all be "one big family" so hopefully she'll be nice.. And the incense idea sounds good too :) it's the getting out of the flat that worries me, I'm at my worst in cities and I have a bad habit of getting into a panic in lectures - going to ask my disability advisor about what to do with that... Not very good with heights either and most of my classes are in a building with nine floors :blush: .. It is the impending doom that is worst, you always think something bad will happen, especially when I'm on my own - and that's a lot, I'm a Brownie leader and have to walk up there every Tues, it's a fifteen min walk ... The only thing that I think will help is that I know my mum is only 20 miles up the road, and my old GP (from home, who I really trust) said she only lives a mile from my flat - so although I cant see her, at least she's not far. Does that sound daft haha?!
Away to make an appointment to see my GP tommorow, I have one in two weeks time but I think it'd be better before I go back to uni. Haven't met her before either so it might be good to start with someone new, see how I get on anyway!

[alicegreen]

Good luck Daisycake. You are going through so many changes, its hardly surprising that you are feeling more anxious. I think that if you can stay in the flat it will be better in the long run as you will know that you can cope. I think its really important to challenmge our anxiety and not let it get the better of us! (though I know realistically sometimes it does.....just never give up hope!)

[paula lynne]

Dont give up...you are stronger than you think...........x:)