Nearly ran out in front of a car :(

[uk23]

I am now totally fed up. I have never been this suicidal before and want to end it all. For some reason I just get totally bloated, really really bloating which causes pains everywhere from my feet to neck. This makes me anxious and its one big circle. I have been told that my body is possibly in what they call Starvation Mode as its not getting enough cals per day. Anway here is a clip from another post below to explain a bit.

I have not been able to eat properly for about 2 weeks now. I just suddenly got anxious one day and bloated and now food doesnt agree with me much anymore.

Nerve tingling, especially in abdomen, stomach and anus
lower abdomen bloating
abdominal pain
hot flushes
random sweats all over body
nausea
"hardened" stomach area
Rushes of adrenaline throughout whole body
Weakness and tiredness
Red eyes
Heart pounding harder, feel it in whole body
mental confusion
feeling too hot then too cold
jerking
twitching


Please see this thread for more details: http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=80996


I went to see the doctor again today and they poked and prodded and that was about it. I havent cried for months but today I keep crying, my mind is so weak now, i cant think straight most of the time. I have to think about everything twice to make sure I am doing it properly because I keep forgetting stuff.

After the disappointing appointment I was walking and felt myself turn towards the busy road and thought 'I am going to jump infront and end it all'. I then had to pinch myself to say stop.

Help please.

I wish there were online nurses or doctors who i could talk to in depth about this sort of stuff, NHS Direct is.....

[Idstain]

Hi, I'm really sorry you feel this way :(

I had something similar when I was I'll where I was convinced I was going to jump out of the car on the motorway as my dad was driving me to the docs. I know it's horrible but always have hope, you will get better and you'll be much stronger for it !!!

Good luck, I'll make sure to check this thread again tomorrow.

[paula lynne]

Thats awful for you...food is fuel, and your not getting any food, no wonder your body is playing tricks on you and producing distressing symptoms. I hope you see your gp asap, you need food and will get very ill otherwise, hope you can eat very soon and start to feel much better. xx:hugs:

[uk23]

I just want to eat...and really want to fart as well. i cant seem to now or bowel movement, they said thats fine though.

[mumble]

You have to try and eat small amounts. I have lost three stone over a few months. I am dangerously low weight. I have started drinking Ensure milkshakes - look into them and taking small spoonfuls of peanut butter etc. At my worst I couldn't eat any mouthfuls and would spit them all out again as my throat would contract.
It can effect your stomach and digestive system - I already had IBS but this has definitely made it worse.

[Anxious_gal]

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/

[jothenurse]

I'm not sure what the rules are here, but we can not turn our back on someone that obviously needs help and support.
Please go back to the doctor as soon as possible or go to the emergency room and let them know how you are feeling.

[paula lynne]

uk23...try BUILD UP, its a high calorific shake that gives you the calories and vitamins. Your doctor can give you a prescription for these til you can eat normally again xx:)

[Vixxy]

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I can promise you that.
I was in a very similar position to you. I stopped eating because I was too anxious, then when the anxiety started to subside I found that I couldnt eat because I was now associating food with anxiety. It was a hard situation to be in and I was losing weight. My whole life was about being anxious and worrying about my weight and if i would ever eat a meal again.
I wanted to let you know that I am now able to eat food with no anxiety and that I am putting on weight again. So I know you can do it too.
Here are the things that helped me:
1 - DO NOT worry about your weight, all this does is fuel your anxiety making it even harder to eat.
2 - Accept youre doing all you can do at the moment and know that when youre feeling better you will begin to gain weight again.
3 - Try not to weight yourself too often. Set yourself one evening a week and weigh yourself then only. Make sure that if its not the result you wanted that you use the above 2 tips to stop it causing you more anxiety.
4 - Learn to relax before you eat. I listen to a relaxation app on my ipod before I eat.
5 - Distraction. Read a book, watch tv, play a game. Anything to take your mind of eating and the nausea.
6 - If you body scan (checking your body for anxiety or choking symptoms) then you need to stop. If you concentrate on your hand for long enough you'll feel the nerves tingling, therefore thinking about your throat will lead to you feeling like you might choke! If you find this hard then focus on your big toe or another part of your body that doesnt normally suffer any anxiety symptoms.
7 - Eat little and often. Get yourself used to the feeling of food in your stomach/throat.
8 - Only eat what you fancy and dont force yourself to eat when youre not ready.
9 - Talk to your doctor about Fortijuice. Its given on prescription for cancer patients. It has vitamins, minerals and calories. It comes in savoury, milk or juice flavours. So make sure you ask for the type you fancy.
10 - If you cant get hold of the fortijuice then try drinking slim fast or another dieting suppliment. Dont use this as your only meal, but in addition to give your body what it needs.
11 - Aim to eat a little more each day. Even if its just one more bite of toast.
12 - Write down what works for you, so that you can look back on it if needs be.

Your body will feel wierd as you eat because youre not used to the feelings of a full stomach and your digestive system will be very slugish and bloated. As you progress these feelings will fade and your body will get used to eating again. It does take a while though I wont lie.

You can beat this!

[Nigel]

Hi uk23,

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time with this at the moment. I know suicide may seem like ‘one’ way out of the problem, when you really stop and thing about it, it becomes a bit of a non-starter because the person is no longer aware that they’ve resolved the problem :doh:

It might be an idea to have another talk with your doctor about some of this – not so much about the symptoms as it seems like they’ve already ruled out any medical causes – but to talk about ‘how’ it’s making you feel and ‘how’ best to deal with it.

I had a good friend who suffered with anorexia. I know in her case the food restricting was intentional but she experienced so many of the symptoms you too talk about. She had restricted for much longer than you but when eventually trying to eat a little more to avoid hospitalisation, she too found it virtually impossible to do so.

She experienced the same bloating and severe discomfort after eating even the smallest amount. Apparently the stomach begins to shrink when we stop eating, plus the stomach acid can become more concentrated having little food to digest, and these can all lead to those bloated feelings. And the uncomfortable feelings of constipation – well if we don’t keep putting food in at one end, there’s nothing to keep it moving, and things stop working as they always used to :blush:

And the thing that really surprised me was the way a lack of food effects the way a person thinks and their ability to cope. My friend was a really intelligent woman but at her lowest weight she was a totally different person – finding it hard to think clearly about even the simplest of things. I can see that happening here too.

People don’t realise but the brain consumes more of the body’s energy than any other single organ, so it stands to reason that not feeding it properly can effect they way it performs. The clever logical reasoning type of thinking is what’s effected most, and more simple ‘black and white’ thinking – yes/no, all or nothing, everything is ok or it’s all hopeless – becomes more prevalent.

It might be an idea to ask your doctor to be referred to a nutritionist because they could advise on the type of foods and portion sizes that could be most easily digested. I remember that ‘little and often’ was important, as were those ‘build up’ drinks that others have mentioned.

Vixxy has given you a lot of excellent suggestions. Do you think you could choose one or two and give them a try?

Good luck,
Nigel

[Vixxy]

I can totally back up what Nigel is saying. When I was losing weight I got down to 6stone 11lbs and I was a wreck. I was crying and worried. Everything I did was triggering a panic attack. I couldnt go anywhere as all day I spent all my time just trying to eat one mouthful of food. Wierdly I was neve hungry and when I did start eating again it was wierd to actually feel hungry and need to eat.
It was a horrible time and I wouldnt wish it on anyone.
If you want to talk to me via pm's then please do so. At least one good thing has come from that period in my life and thats that Im able to help others as I got through it. And as I say I know you can too.

[mumble]

It is very difficult as people have said - I am now 6 stone and I am 5 foot 7. My focus is on my food pretty much all day - because I must avoid going to hospital. However, last night I finally hit my first goal of 1100 calories a day. Now I am working towards 1300 a day. Your stomach will have shrunk over this period slightly, but it can be expanded again with time. I was down to eating one yogurt a day and about 600 calories on a bad day, now I am having a bowl of porridge and Ensure milkshakes with biscuits, peanut butter, honey and chocolate.

[Nigel]

Well done Vixxy for beating it, and well done Mumble for your excellent progress.
Baby steps, remember :wink:

Yes Vixxy, my friend always found that too - that after the first few days she no longer felt hungry, and in fact it became easier to not eat. But of course that’s the beginning of a very dangerous and slippery slope to find oneself on :meh:

Take care,
Nigel

[mumble]

Well done Vixxy for beating it, and well done Mumble for your excellent progress.
Baby steps, remember :wink:

Yes Vixxy, my friend always found that too - that after the first few days she no longer felt hungry, and in fact it became easier to not eat. But of course that’s the beginning of a very dangerous and slippery slope to find oneself on :meh:

Take care,
Nigel

It is a very slippery slope. Before I knew it suddenly I was no longer hungry ever. Even after not eating for nearly 24 hours. That's when I realised that something was wrong somewhere if my brain wasn't even reacting. I've sort of made it a full time job to eat at the moment. Also, as a side note - keep active a little still, don't overdo it as that's wasted calories. However I keep walking a bit and stuff - it certainly helps the disgestive system move stuff through and keeps it going, in turn helping you feel less full etc.

[uk23]

The reason I find it hard to eat is because of the pain and nausea I fear which is kind of like a circle :(

[Nigel]

Hi uk23,

I can really sense your despair because you’re right in saying it’s ‘kind of like a circle’. That’s exactly what it’s like because part of it is real – the pain and nausea – and that fuels the other part – the anxiety.

That’s why I think it would be a good idea if you could have a chat with somebody who understands more about nutrition so they could advise on the types and quantities of food your body would be able to comfortably tolerate. I’m sure that would help you to feel much better, and that would start to retrain your mind that food and eating is once again ok.

Good luck,
Nigel

[mumble]

The reason I find it hard to eat is because of the pain and nausea I fear which is kind of like a circle :(

I know exactly how that is - I have emetophobia and severely feared eating. In all feeds off each other unfortunately and works in circles. It just needs to be broken.

[Vixxy]

Same mine was a fear of the nausea and the panic that would follow.Im also emetophobic. Read through the tips I gave you on the previous page, its what got me past it. I lost nearly 2 stone from January this year up until May time and was only managing about 300 calories a day. Ive now managed to put on half a stone by using the tips I gave you.

[unspoken]

I think everyone's made good points here. I'd like to echo some of Vixxy's points, particularly don't make a big thing of eating, watch TV with something that doesn't take a lot of preparation and that you can just shove back in the fridge if you don't finish it. Eat little and often.

When I can't eat and my IBS is really bad, the food I always seem to be able to tolerate is mashed banana. Banana contains lots of sugar and pectin is good for your digestive system. It is very gentle. Also, foods that are more liquid will be easier to chew and swallow.

I also eat cooked apple (without the skin) so basically apple puree. Again it is soft and easy and lots of pectin and energy. I had about 10 days of eating only mashed bananas and pureed apple. It got very boring but I regained control over my digestive system.

Keep going back to the doctor, or another doctor, or the hospital, until you find someone who takes you seriously. You really shouldn't be feeling this bad physically and mentally. I've had episodes of a combination of viral illness, emetophobia and IBS that have left me really weak and hardly able to eat and it is so horrible. You won't be this way forever, you will beat it and be able to eat 'normally' again.