Jeanine25
12-09-10, 23:11
I haven't got much family left-
Never had a mother or father and was raised by my grandparents; my grandma died of cancer when I was 5, leaving my grandfather (who I refer to as dad) to look after me, plus his 2 sons, one who killed himself when I was 8 years old :weep:
Anyway, I have an irrational fear that I'm going to find him dead one day. It absolutely terrifies me.
This only started occuring when I found a friend of mine outside her house going frantic, claiming she couldnt wake her dad up even tho his eyes were open but he wasnt breathing...
I walked into the house to see her father dead on the sofa. It was such an horrific thing to see.
Anyway I have these irrational thoughts that my dads going to die, it's so bad at times that I dont sleep.
He's staying with me in my house at the moment, i'm not afraid to admit that I couldnt do without him and I dont ever wanna be on my own (even tho I have 2 young children)
Each night I pray to god that all will be well and healthy- I even find myself gettin up at night and checking that everyones ok, alive and well.
I also obsess over his blood pressure and take it whenever I get the opportunity.
He doesnt know just how much I worry about him- i'm so afraid of him dying that I dream things up in my head. For example if he goes to the shop and is gone a long time, i'll worry something terrible has happened to him.
I wish I wasnt like this and I really do wanna get some help for it but i'm convinced people will think i'm insane or something...
I worry more about my dad dyin than I do about my own health.
I did tell the dr once and he said it's because of the things i've gone thru whilst growing up. Still, thats not very comforting... was it comforting is knowing im not the only one like this.
This is the first time I've spoke about this with anyone other than people who truly know me and even then they dont know all of it.
Never had a mother or father and was raised by my grandparents; my grandma died of cancer when I was 5, leaving my grandfather (who I refer to as dad) to look after me, plus his 2 sons, one who killed himself when I was 8 years old :weep:
Anyway, I have an irrational fear that I'm going to find him dead one day. It absolutely terrifies me.
This only started occuring when I found a friend of mine outside her house going frantic, claiming she couldnt wake her dad up even tho his eyes were open but he wasnt breathing...
I walked into the house to see her father dead on the sofa. It was such an horrific thing to see.
Anyway I have these irrational thoughts that my dads going to die, it's so bad at times that I dont sleep.
He's staying with me in my house at the moment, i'm not afraid to admit that I couldnt do without him and I dont ever wanna be on my own (even tho I have 2 young children)
Each night I pray to god that all will be well and healthy- I even find myself gettin up at night and checking that everyones ok, alive and well.
I also obsess over his blood pressure and take it whenever I get the opportunity.
He doesnt know just how much I worry about him- i'm so afraid of him dying that I dream things up in my head. For example if he goes to the shop and is gone a long time, i'll worry something terrible has happened to him.
I wish I wasnt like this and I really do wanna get some help for it but i'm convinced people will think i'm insane or something...
I worry more about my dad dyin than I do about my own health.
I did tell the dr once and he said it's because of the things i've gone thru whilst growing up. Still, thats not very comforting... was it comforting is knowing im not the only one like this.
This is the first time I've spoke about this with anyone other than people who truly know me and even then they dont know all of it.