OCD of the mind...i cannot take anymore [Archive]

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calm

13-09-10, 10:12

oh my dear dear friends of here...i just cannot take it anymore!....my mind is going to explode and my body is collapsing....i am just so desperate!!!!!!

the thoughts of four years ago will not go away....why is this happening! any little things that goes wrong i blow out of all proportion!

im desperate...i want to reach into my mind and pull it all out...but it just wont leave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

calm

13-09-10, 11:14

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii - is anyone out there....im falling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fly away Katie

13-09-10, 11:43

I don't know what happened to you 4 years ago.. but I know how it feels to blow things out of proportion.. I do it alot! Hugs to you x x x x x x x x

paula lynne

13-09-10, 11:44

Im here. Whats wrong?:hugs:

ladybird64

13-09-10, 12:12

Tracey! :)

No, you're not falling hun but even if you were we would catch you.

Are you brave enough to let the thoughts and memories come through your mind and do the worst that they can?

They can't hurt you. But the more you try and push them away the more they will keep trying to push their way in..they like the attention you see.

You need to feel the strength that comes from knowing even if thoughts are they, they feel awful but they can't beat you.

No falling allowed :hugs:

calm

13-09-10, 12:14

oh paula lynne and katie....thank you....i am in such blasted abyss.

my train of thought has gone ....and i cannot cope with anything!

my mind keeps on going back to the surgery i had four years ago when i was housebound for four months...and i know if i carry on like this....thats where i will end up again...i have a thirteen year old daughter...and i just cannot cope.....evenings i do have a respite...but from the moment i wake up until it comes dark...my mind is going to explode and it is complete and utter torture...i am trying to continue with work (which i do from home) but my concentration is zero....and i get monitored on the calls i make!

i know everyone will get sick of me on here...i feel that all my friends are now bored with me....they dont call anymore like they used to...i guess they miss the fun loving tracey and dont know wot to say xxxxx and i miss them terribly!

i am waiting to hear when i see a cbt therapist and i am scared that i will not be accepted....then wot will i do...say i say the wrong thing!....then wot will i do!

have you a magic wand....can you pass it over here....i just want it all to go away....thank you for responding.....you dont know how that makes me feel xxxxx

a special friend on here said that its like "ocd of the mind"....and you know wot she is so so so right!

we have to set up my daughters new lap top this evening....and that has tipped me over the edge..........so so so so so so stupid isnt it.....i am a complete and utter failure!

god...im boring myself...so so so sorry!

calm

13-09-10, 12:17

thank you ladybird xxxxx

im not sure....if i am honest....i know i should try and go with the flow....i keep on thinking that if anything were to happen to me my daughter will end up in care....end up on drugs and become an alcoholic because of the way i am at the moment!!!!!!!!!!!

CRAZY! as she is a good girl....but i think i am going to ruin her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh godddddddddddddddddd - i am going mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!

paula lynne

13-09-10, 12:21

Im not bored with you, Im glad to know you. What happened years ago is clearly still effecting you and making you very miserable...Im so so sorry you feel this way...focus on your next therapy sesh. The laptop...well, its stressful this technology lark...Im sure youll set it up no problems. Why dont you ask the help of a computer literate friend? You are not useless, a let-down, or anything else. I dont really understand your specific problems, but will always listen. That job of yours...call monitoring prob means your pay is based on sales...have you thought about a new career? Can I suggest some lavender oil, rescue remedy..camomile tea (yuk! haha), relaxing breathing exercises...and let me tell you...YOU ARE LOVED. :hugs:

ladybird64

13-09-10, 12:23

Grabs Tracey and gives her a shake...

Course you're not. If you were, you wouldn't know about it!

If you know that's what you need to do (go with the flow) then this is the time to practice it. Even a little bit.

I don't know much about CBT but I do know it's about challenging thoughts. So..have a look at what you have written above.

What is your proof that something will go wrong? We know there is nothing happening to you apart from the fact that you're scared. The more you think about how scared you are the more scared you get.

Try writing it down. Give yourself a target to challenge what you're thinking...a tiny bit at a time, maybe 5 mins per day.

Give it a go :flowers:

ladybird64

13-09-10, 12:24

paula lynne

13-09-10, 12:25

ps- there is no such thing as saying the wrong thing in cbt sessions, its actually impossible to say the wrong thing!! Its about you, how can it be wrong. Oh love, call a friend or talk to someone you trust in the meantime. x:)

calm

13-09-10, 12:26

paula lynne...thank you....i wont ruin kerrylouise will i....she wont become a failure because i am the way i am????

im so so so scared that i am ruining her life!

thank you one and all...im going to have a cuppa - i am in sales...because of my crohns disease it is wonderful that i can work from home...but it is so isolating!

thank you one and all....i have such a hangup over my daugher wot we went through four years ago was hidious and now that episode and she fills my whole mind...i am being so so so over protective over her and i am suffocating her...she looks at me as to say "mum give it a rest"...she sees me go into a state of panic over the smallest things...and i feel....well.....you know xxxxx

calm

13-09-10, 12:31

paula lynne....but they are going to contact me via telephone 1st...and that fills me with dread....but i do hear wot you are saying...and i am going to make it register i am! i promise!

thankuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu - god these mind games are exhausting arent they!

Nigel

13-09-10, 12:46

Hi Tracey,

It’s damned hard trying to be general manager of the universe sometimes, isn’t it :winks:

I’m sorry you’re having one of those difficult days, but try and calm down. They’re just a load of ‘what ifs’ that’s all. Things that are extremely unlikely to ever happen.

“i wont ruin kerrylouise will i....she wont become a failure because i am the way i am????”

No way! I see a very caring and loving person... how is that going to ‘ruin’ somebody.

Take care,
Nigel

calm

13-09-10, 12:50

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii nigel....can you come and sit by my side when i feel this way? :)

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nigel..."IF" i get ill and have to have surgery and housebound again..that will ruin her....OOPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats an if again isnt it.

i need desperately to stop the "ifs" i know....and i am trying oh so hard xxxxx

thank you nigel for talking to me xxxxx i do so appreciate it and all on here....what would i do without each and everyone of you xxxxxxx

Inspires

13-09-10, 12:55

Tracey,

I've just texted you...

I'm here if you need me.

Sue x. :flowers:

calm

13-09-10, 12:57

let me find my phone xxxx i am always mislaying it xxxx thank you sue xxxx

Nigel

13-09-10, 13:10

“nigel....can you come and sit by my side when i feel this way?”

Well, in a way I am :)

Can I ask you a quick question Tracey?
What are Saturday’s lottery numbers gonna be?

See, you’re not so good at fortune telling after all :winks:

I’ve never had kids so it’s hard to imagine how much ones cares and worries about them. But if that ‘what if’ should happen – and don’t worry, it’s not going to, but we need to try and acknowledge that thought somehow – somehow you all coped and got through it last time and you all will again.

So Kerrylouise must’ve only been 9 then. You say she’s 13 now – growing up scarily fast I bet. I’m sure she understands a lot more now and will be able to cope much better. And anyway, it’s just another ‘what if’ drifting by, that’s all. A bit like watching the clouds drift by...

Re the laptop – they’re mostly quite straightforward these days and you just have to click OK to most options.

Hope you’re feeling a bit better now :)
Nigel

paula lynne

13-09-10, 13:42

tastes like sawdust too ladybird! haha...works for some though x:hugs: