strawberribex
13-09-10, 23:39
Hi all, Im not brilliant in using forums as I always get lost or post incorrectly, but I will try.
I have found this site after trawling the internet looking for someone who has been through the same as me or as near as possible. I cant specifically find anything but I am hoping this will be a new place for me to come to express my fears.
20 years ago I lost my son Ryan to Cot death. I was a single parent and found him dead, I was on my own.
2 yrs later I gave birth to a little girl who is now 17 nearly 18 and I found that although I had some anxiety it wasnt so much as she didnt look like my son and also statistically girls are not so at risk. This made it easier.
I have just had another little boy he is 8 weeks old he is beautfiul and healthy and I adore him. However, he reminds me of my son as he looks more like my side of the family as he did, I am alone with him again a single parent and how to explain.
I look lovingly at my boy and my previous son seems to merge in there somehow. When he is awake I want to play with him and spent quality time, but when he is asleep im finding myself not really leaving the room for more than a few mins in the day, even though he has a monitor and alarm attached. I dont go far just in case I cant hear the monitor. I am getting nothing done at all even during the day. My anxiety levels are off the scale, I am having some flashbacks, I keep expecting to find my son in that state. Negative thoughts seem to overwhelm my mind. I feel guilty about the negative thoughts in case I am wishing bad things on him. even though i dont want to think these things the thoughts are overwhelming sometimes and I cant seem to stop them.
I am under the doctor and also a special programme for the care of the next infant, I am seeking therapy also, so have come here for support hopefully until such a time as these feelings go.
Has anyone else had a similar experience and how do you cope?
So hello everyone and I hope you are well.
I have found this site after trawling the internet looking for someone who has been through the same as me or as near as possible. I cant specifically find anything but I am hoping this will be a new place for me to come to express my fears.
20 years ago I lost my son Ryan to Cot death. I was a single parent and found him dead, I was on my own.
2 yrs later I gave birth to a little girl who is now 17 nearly 18 and I found that although I had some anxiety it wasnt so much as she didnt look like my son and also statistically girls are not so at risk. This made it easier.
I have just had another little boy he is 8 weeks old he is beautfiul and healthy and I adore him. However, he reminds me of my son as he looks more like my side of the family as he did, I am alone with him again a single parent and how to explain.
I look lovingly at my boy and my previous son seems to merge in there somehow. When he is awake I want to play with him and spent quality time, but when he is asleep im finding myself not really leaving the room for more than a few mins in the day, even though he has a monitor and alarm attached. I dont go far just in case I cant hear the monitor. I am getting nothing done at all even during the day. My anxiety levels are off the scale, I am having some flashbacks, I keep expecting to find my son in that state. Negative thoughts seem to overwhelm my mind. I feel guilty about the negative thoughts in case I am wishing bad things on him. even though i dont want to think these things the thoughts are overwhelming sometimes and I cant seem to stop them.
I am under the doctor and also a special programme for the care of the next infant, I am seeking therapy also, so have come here for support hopefully until such a time as these feelings go.
Has anyone else had a similar experience and how do you cope?
So hello everyone and I hope you are well.