A walk across the field.

[stimpy]

My starworker, Karen has been giving me lots of homework and punishment.

I have even managed to walk across the field by myself.
I have to admit I didn't enjoy it, and only did it because I was told too and not out of personal choice.

But I did it.
I had my headphones on so loudly, (I think half the village could hear what I was listening to.) I sang through gritted teeth and stomped my way to the gate and back.
I felt so knotted up, as if my whole body was telling me to run.
So I carried on walking very quickly around the block, until the feeling went away.
When I got home my chest was pounding, I felt dog sick and I almost fell through the door when I got home. I felt so de-personalized and shakey, I had to lie down and slept for an hour, I was so tired.[xx(]

But, if nothing else - I did it.
And my Starworker is making me go passed the little gate next, not looking forward to that at all ! [}:)]




Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric

[uryjm]

Keep going Stimpy and well done. A revitalising walk in the open air is one of life's simple pleasures that you deserve to enjoy. I'm writing this on a beautiful Sunday morning, and I'm shortly going out on my bike along the gorgeous Ayrshire coast. There's no way anxiety or panic is going to curtail this pleasure (and I know it would if I let it) so think positive, keep taking those walks and get back the life you deserve. Good luck.

Jim

[mico]

Hi Liz

You may feel uncomfortable about these things now, but you've done well, and by the time you begin to venture out further that walk through the feild will give you a lot of enjoyment. Like Jim said, a walk through the open air is one of life's simple but great pleasures and you deserve to enjoy it, keep up the good work and you WILL get to enjoy it.

Good luck for next time.

mico

[nomorepanic]

Liz

I think I have said in here many times that CBT etc only works if you work at it and yes it is hard work. Mine made me go on a bus etc and believe me I felt just like you did!!

You did well, but please go back and do it again and again until it feels natural. If you only do it this once then you are still feeding the anxiety cos it won, so you must go back and try again to conquer it.

Well done to you though and stick with it - all this pain will be worth it in the long term.

Nicola

[stimpy]

I've been busy again!

Steve took me to the sealife centre on the train. (Scary!)

I've had a meal in a pub, with Steve, Rich and the kids. (Very Scary!)

Played on my scooter, with the kids in the street. (Yes, I know I'm 32!)

I've even played on the internet to create another masterpiece! (Not so scary, but it look concentration.)
It lives at http://members.lycos.co.uk/stimpsoncorner/
(Not finished yet, but I'm working on it, and you get the idea of what it will look like, and if you think it's missing something let me know and I will add it to the list of things I have to add to it.)

Been shopping for a new goldfish tank and some fish. (Nemo has a lot to answer for!)

Got in a taxi, went to the doctors for a presciption, collected my tablets, did shopping and went to the day centre. (scary and all in one go!)

Been on the internet again, this time looking for evidence of the Ghost of the Mill, in Chester-le-Street. Was on there hours but the information I wanted didn't go back far enough unfortunately, so need the central index at the libary. (Not scary, but it look concentration.)

Not plain sailing unfortunately, I would have enjoyed these things far more if I hadn't have been shaking uncontrolably, with my stress'ometre reaching 6, 8 and 10 on occassions. Then sleeping for an hour with exhaustion, each time. But I did it.

Maybe there is hope for me yet!



Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric

[Laurie28]

My god there is more than hope for you Liz!!!

Each time you do something the stressometre will go down (probably very slowly but very surely)

I cannot believe how far you have come - You are doing great Liz -I'm really chuffed for you

Love
lucky

PS I will go and look at your site now!!!

[Laurie28]

Liz,

looking great!!!!!

I had a quick look but will keep going in and having a proper scout around!!!

Lucky

[nomorepanic]

Hi Liz

Checked the website out and you did me a link - oh how nice - thanks so much.

Looks like the site could grow - keep it up eh?

Nicola

[Meg]

Just brilliant Liz - yet again.

I really hope you are taking time out to write these wonderful experiences down to refer back to if you should have another dificult day !


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[stimpy]

Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement.
I know I'm not out of the woods yet, but working on getting out.
I think accepting that there is a problem has helped a great deal.

It could well be time for a list of all the good things I have done. May be that is one for the panic book.

So far it contains all panics that have scored 6 or higher.
Visualizations, a list of instuctions to remind me what to do when I panic, and pages of things I am worried about.

I will work on that next.

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric

[Lottie32]

Liz

Very well done - you've made me feel totally inadequate now (in a good way) I haven't challenged myself nearly as much as you!

Just one little thing - you've missed stomach upset off as a symptom, and from all of us out there who have anxiety accompanied by IBS, I would ask you to include that fun element of suffering too!

Well done with all your hard work

Love

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

[stimpy]

Well I've really out done myself this time!
Sam pushed Alex into a table at school, and Alex needed to be taken to hospital. Steve was at work, and that left me!
I was terrifed. A friend brought me home to collect my handbag and then dropped us off at the hospital. Several hundred deep breaths, rescue remedy and stressless pills later, I made it and Alex was given a clean bill of health and some superglue stitches.

Then I had the problem of how I was going to get home!
Road busy ... too unsafe
Bus .. but too nasty.
- Bus, 2 stops and we will be off, so bus it was.
- then metro, 2 stops, then train 1 stop.
Lots of deep breaths, making sure the children were still with me and safe, then full on concentration on the job in hand. What do I need to do next? How am I going to do it? Okay - lets go ...

I made it to the train station to visit Steve at work and update him on the days events, and have a cup of tea.

Then it hit me, I was shaking, sweating and preparing to run around like a headless chicken and decided enough was enough for one day and I was going to get a taxi to take me home as I deserved the rest!

Could I have made that journey ? No
Would I want to have made that journey ? No
Could I do it again? No

It just goes to show you in an emergency situation the auto pilot kicks in just long enough for us to the job before we go to bits.

Still I did it!

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric

[apricot]

Liz,

Well done!!:D

I have found it also, in an emergency something else takes over, don't put it down to luck because YOU DID IT and YOU COPED!!!!

As for taking the bus/train, I completely understand that one. I saw my CBT therapist for the second time on Fridays and asked him if you can do too much. He said you have to get a balance of things you have to do (which also cause you to be anxious, ie, taking kids to school, etc) and things you want and enjoy doing at the moment.

Last Monday, Marc went back to work and I was left having to take the kids to school, being on my own all day, picking the kids up and then looking after them until he got home - these are all things I fear at the moment. By 4 o'clock I felt myself beginning to wobble, and thought - ahh, the kids are here...so I laid in bed, totally relaxed all my muscles and watched telly until he got in. That evening I was a zombie, all energy had long gone. I had done too much too soon.

This Friday I went to the CBT, then went shopping at the local shopping centre (although I was constantly watching myself) and then went to a drive through Mac Donalds and sat there and ate! Marc has taken some more time off work to be with me and the CBT therapist has said that within the next 3 or 4 sessions there will be a difference in me. I hope so. I can feel the fight coming back witch is good[:p].

You are doing so well, I love hearing your updates because I feel I am where you were sometime ago. I can see the progress you have made and it gives me hope!

Congratulations and well done again! I hope your little one is ok now?

Best wishes,


Nikki
xxx


Turn 'what ifs' into 'I can' and you will.

[Laurie28]

Liz,

You really are doing great - the adrenaline just kicks in and you could do it again (i think all of that would have 'stressed' normal peoplae to be honest!)

Nikki - i'm glad you can feel the fight coming back - Get angry at the anxiety/panic but DON'T get angry at yourself!!!

Thinking of You Both
Lucky

[stimpy]

Alex is doing fine now.
He's got a head harder than diamond that one !

My stress'ometer is set at 5 and has been for the last week, and I never seem to get the feeling of inner calm.
I blame the trip to the hospital, Saturday shopping, running around after the kids etc ...

So I figured I may as well do something and feel dreadful, rather than do nothing and feel dreadful.
I ran out of rescue remedy so me and the 2 kids made a taxi journey, got what we needed from the chemist, bought some chips from the chip shop and then got a bus home.

I'm warn out now, and feel like I've been boxing with Mike Tyson and lost, but I am still trying to get on with things as best I can.

I've even been asked by my Starworker to help the mental health team with a new questionare, so that will be fun and I get a trip in the car too.


Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric

[lilac kitten]

You really are doing well Stimpy. Wow. And for every step forward you make like this its definitely an achievement to be proud of. So you know you're not alone ... the last two evenings have been lovely warm and sunny. So I picked the kids up and decided to walk the 1 mile to Tesco and 1 mile back home again. I was very nervous but loved the smell of all that freshly cut grass and nosing in peoples windows as I walked past. I got a little more nervous as I reached the village. I got to Tesco the first evening and got round and home, but yesterday I got there felt nervous, lump in throat and like gagging, it was also very busy and my eldest son kept running off. So shaking I turned around and walked back home. Funnily enough the want to throw up everywhere deminished the minute I hit the quiet pathway through the back of the estates on the way home as there was no one around and I felt relaxed.

Still, the point of my story is that I pushed myself to do these walks. And I will keep pushing myself as I believe its the only way to go, and I know I can turn around and walk home at any time. Taking the car is the safe way as I have my 'shell' around me.

Just doing your walk may have made you feel c**p by the time you got back, but the positive side is - you did it, you came to no harm, walking is healthy, and it releases good hormones, oh and did I mention YOU DID IT. Keep it up. Let me know how you progress.

Good luck and have a really nice stress free weekend.

Ruth
x

[stimpy]

Well done Ruth!

A 1 mile walk to Tesco - way to go.

Congratuations. You did it

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'