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View Full Version : Don't know what to do - legal advice maybe?



unspoken
15-09-10, 19:38
I'm not quite sure where to put this. A situation has been causing me considerable anxiety for the past 3 years.

A very brief summary: 4 years ago, at university, I became friends with a young man who lived in my halls. In the 2nd year (3 years ago) we moved into a house together with 3 others. His behaviour became increasingly strange and unpredictable and he'd be friendly and then he'd accuse me of being a horrible person and say that I didn't care about anyone else's feelings. I told him I couldn't talk to him any more so he started to send me text messages, from within the same house, which I never replied to. Eventually I had to leave the house and move in with a friend because he literally would not leave me alone. I was really scared of him. This was in June 2008. He always denied harassing me and said he was entirely justified to sit outside my bedroom at 3am demanding that I talk to him.

I've seen him once since, when he ignored me. He kept on texting me sporadically though. About 6 months ago, he texted me out of the blue asking how I was. I thought I might be able to make peace with him so I sent a reply saying "I'm fine how are you?" and we had a brief chat by text and that was it. I felt better about things. But then he got back in touch again and got more intense and said stuff that scared me, like "I've not met anyone as good as you and when I meet people I always compare them to you". He wanted to meet up. I told him I don't think that's a good idea. And he turned nasty. Accusing me of things again. So for the past 4 months or so, he's been texting and calling me, despite me telling him not to talk to me any more.

As an example, last night he sent "Why are you ignoring me?" followed by "Can i have an answer?" and then "Do you enjoy this?"

He's trying to goad me into replying. I know that it would be like pouring petrol on a fire though. This has been going on for several years now and when we were living together, I was first diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and I think it had a lot to do with living with him and what I was subjected to. He still doesn't believe he's ever done anything wrong though.

My phone company say they can't block his number and if I changed my number I worry that he'd find it out. He's also used email to contact me. I've made it clear on a number of occasions that I don't want to hear from him. I think my only remaining option really is to ask a solicitor to write a formal letter to him and then if that doesn't work to pursue a restraining order. Does anyone have any experience of this or any ideas what I can do? Thanks.

diane07
15-09-10, 19:42
Change your number, and if he finds out new one change it again and report him for harrassment, that is what i personally would do.

di xx

Hazel B
15-09-10, 19:51
I am sorry to read this. I would start to keep a record of all contact he makes with you, with dates and times, as evidence. Change your numbers and get ready to report him to the police, harrassment is taken seriously.

unspoken
15-09-10, 21:27
Thanks for your replies.

Shortly after posting this, he texted me again "can I get a reply?"

I cracked. I cried, I was so scared and felt so hopeless.

Then I checked online what time my mobile company close their helplines and realised they were open till 9pm. So straight away I phoned them and the nice man changed my number for me. It changed over remarkably quickly. Anyone phoning my old number now will get 'number not recognised'. I'd been putting off changing my number for a variety of reasons but I feel so much calmer already for doing it. I messaged some friends who I trust with my new number and told them if he contacts them, not to respond or give out my new number. He'll probably find other ways to contact me but it hopefully won't feel as intrusive or stressful and being called and texted.

I think he needs help to be honest, but I can't help him. He doesn't see any of this as abnormal or wrong in any way.

paula lynne
15-09-10, 21:45
:hugs::bighug1: brill..hopefully he will get the message now and leave you alone x