Not felt like this before.. noone understands :(

[fairyclairy]

Hi everyone,

Wasnt really sure where to post this so thought id try in this forum...

I dont really know where to start, i just feel so low today. I got a tension headache on Tuesday night, yesterday i woke up and couldnt get out of bed.. i felt so drained and tired, but i couldnt sleep! My head and face still was aching and painful and i just felt really tired and energyless all day... this morning, i feel the same... i havnt gone into work, which has annoyed my mum and dad so theyve been shouting at me saying im letting everyone down (which isnt helping one bit... but they get so frustrated they cant help)
Are headaches/face ache normal with anxiety?? Iv had tension headaches before.. around my eyes and acorss my eyebrows etc but this is one and off pain all over my head and my jawline.. and im so unbelievably tired!! I cant help but think im ill.... could this really just be down to anxiety?!

Iv had quite a few days of anxiousness this week, leading up to feeling like this.. so that could be why, but iv never had this before?!

I have healthy anxiety, general anxiety, emetophobia and panic attacks... doctor prescribed me citalopram a few months ago but iv refused to take them because the doctor told me itl make me feel sick (something you just shouldnt say to an emetophobe!!) and i worry about putting something into my body which i can get side effects from.... this also frustrates my mum and dad because they just dont/cant understand!

I just dont know what to do anymore.. iv tried councelling, two lots of cbt, hypnotherapy, going it alone and facing the fear... but nothing is helping! Im terrified of loosing me job..... can they sack you if you have days off because of this??? They know all about my anxiety, iv not hid anything from them..

I just feel so low, how can i feel right again! I just want to smile or laugh and actually mean it without faking all the time... has anyone felt like this before? xx

[Electric_Worry]

You say you've had counselling, CBT, hypnotherapy and also tried going it alone, but have you seen any of these through? If not, are you getting fed-up with one and then moving on to another or trying to dedicate yourself to too many at once? I'm in the recent stages of my anxiety and I know that dealing with this is going to be a journey, and on in which I won't be able to complete overnight. You can't expect to be cured instantly and so it's vital that you stick with whatever method(s) you are using to deal with this problem. This includes your medication, which you are not taking for fear of the side-effects, a fear that is no doubt born out of your anxiety. I've been on propranalol for a week now and the side-effects were terrible to begin with. I had nausea constantly, I was light-headed and was terrified my heart will stop. After a few days these levelled out and whilst I'm not back to normal, I am a damn sight better than I was a week ago.

As for your headaches, that is definitely a sign of anxiety. For the past week I've had all kinds of twinges and pains in my head, chest, stomach, throat and jaw. The latter was from constantly gritting my teeth without realising.

It is a difficult thing to go through and whilst your friends and family may not understand, there are a lot of people on this forum who do. You're not alone in your anxiety, but you really need to stick to your treatment. Some people deal with their problems without blinking an eye, however others find it almost impossible. There's no shame in the latter and you're not weak for having this problem, however you won't get over it if you back yourself into a corner and wither away.

[lizzie29]

I'm on citalopram and only experienced very mild side-effects. Everyone's different so obviously I can't say exacty how you'd react, but I noticed an increase in anxiety for a few days and I was waking up in the morning drenched in sweat. I also lost my appetite for a week or so. That's all though and it was totally bearable. The citalopram has made a huge difference to me and in the 6 months or so I've been on it, I've achieved so much. Naturally it doesn't happen overnight and it's not a magic cure, but it's made me able to face things much better.

What dose are you on? I started on 10mg which didn't really do anything in terms of helping my anxiety, but then went onto 20mg. The doctor said that starting on the lower dose meant I experienced less side-effects, so maybe this is something you could think of.

Back in January/February, I really thought at times that I'd never get better and would be permanently feeling the way I was then. But I'm LOADS better now :) I've had CBT in the past but not since starting the meds, but it definitely helped me to try to think the right things and rationalise my thoughts. Maybe if you started the citalopram and tried CBT again they might be a good combination.

Baby steps are definitely the way forward. Don't push yourself to do too much in one go. Any progress, no matter how small, is progress, and it's better to do small steps and do them well, then move up gradually. What types of things do you find difficult? Maybe think of a small step you could do. Once you start achieving stuff, even if it's difficult, you'll feel so much better about it and realise that things can, and will, change.

Good luck! Feel free to pm me if you like :) x

[fairyclairy]

Thank you for your replies.. iv had all this for the past 11 years, since i was 11.
I tried councelling for about 18 months but that really wasnt going anywhere... i then tried CBT when i was about 16, that made a huge huge difference to my life and i was basically back to 'normal' at 17.
Then we had alot of family problems - brother getting cancer (luckily survived), family business going under due to the recession etc etc and then i started my first full time job since leaving uni... then this all slowly crept back. I couldnt deal with the stress of work, id managed to keep myself under control all through my brothers illness etc but once that had settled down, its almost like i exploded with fear again...

My job are really supportive, they allowed me to reduce my hours to part time and iv done that since April..

When everything kicked off again after starting my job, i went back to CBT... i did that for about 5-6 months but she basically said she'd done everything she could do during the sessions and there really wasnt much else to do..... i know everything there is to know about panic, anxiety, my phobia etc.. i know it cant harm me, i know its just adrenaline.... but for some reason i still absolutly fear being unwell!! I cant cope with it at all.... this headache for instance, im constantly thinking im going to be sick by it, or iv got a brain tumor and all sorts...

I really dont know where to go from this now... i feel like my parents are slowly giving up and i am too... i know this is no easy fix and iv accepted that il probably be like this for the rest of my life but i just wish there was something to help just alittle...

I really dont feel i can handle taking the medication at the moment, i couldnt deal with the nausea.. i just know i wouldnt leave my house, which isnt good!
Im scared of going on medication and becoming addicted to them... i dont want something to ease my axnxiety and then when i start to come off them, they blow up again and im back where i was - iv heard stories where thats happened and i just dont want that. Iv always said i will face this head on and start to get my life back again and i have been doing well with it... iv not been calling in sick as often, iv been going out with friends, shopping and generally leading a normal-ish life... panic has always been hovering over me but its not been stopping me lately... untill these last few days.. I dont know whats happened.

Thank you for your advise, it really really helps hearing from people in similar situations - my parents do try and understand but theres nothing better than talking to someone whos been there, got the t-shirt etc.... xx