Advice needed - PLEASE HELP!!

[debs71]

Hi,

For the past 3 weeks I have seen my anxiety and panic return big style triggered by an upsetting incident with my boyfriend who lives in Spain, whereI was due to visit on 13th September.

I had one week of feeling dreadful the first week afterwards, with depersonalization feelings and all the other signs of anxiety, racing heartbeat, sweating, etc. I had been off Cipralex for over 3 months successfully before this and was determined to tackle the anxiety but after feeling so awful, went back on them 2 weeks ago.

Then last Saturday, I steeled myself for a trip to the hairdressers, but I was feeling anxious when I woke that morning. It culminated in another panic attack and passing out at the hairdressers to my huge embarrasment. I have done this once before, and my panic attacks are exacerbated by the low blood pressure I also have, which I think is why I sometimes pass out, though I know this isn't normal in panic attacks.

Because of this episode I delayed my holiday by a week only, as I was feeling better overall even days after restarting them, mostly because I was keeping myself occupied and distracting myself as this helps me during anxiety, combined with the meds, but I wanted to wait another week to give the meds more of a chance to fully take hold.

Now I am days from going away and I am changing my mind daily about whether I should go away. Overall I feel ok, but I am still having panic symptoms, particularly when out at the shops or if I am unoccupied and I am terrified this will happen when I am travelling and of meeting up with my boyfriend. One minute I tell myself to just go and this is just the anxiety talking, the other I tell myself I need time to get well, and give myself some breathing space before I do something stressful like travelling. What scares me too is that the latest thing I am experiencing also is social anxiety which is new for me. Yesterday, an old friend popped in unexpectedly, and as I was talking to her my anxiety flared and I felt I was going to pass out, though I surpressed it and it passed, and I am worried that this will occur when talking with my boyfriend and other friends out in Spain.

I just REALLY NEED SOME HELP AND ADVICE AS TO WHAT TO DO...PLEASE!!!!! I don't know if I should just grab the bull by the horns and go, or postpone until a much later date. Is this my anxiety talking or should I go and perhaps feel better away from my normal surroundings?

PLEASE ADVISE!!!XXXXXX:unsure:

Thanks.

[debs71]

Umm....anybody please??

I know it seems kind of trivial compared with other peoples problems on here, but i would just like anyones opinion on this? What would you do?x

I fight my anxiety tooth and nail but this I am finding hard.

[Kell]

Hi Debs,

You must never think that what you're going through is trivial. Noone on this forum would think that anyway.

I'm sorry that you're going through it at the moment.

I have experienced anxiety when going away. I think what you're going through is a fear of the fear itself which I can totally relate to.

I would encourage you to still go but go prepared! When I go away I take some information with me so that I can coach myself if needed (there are plenty of articles on this website which you print off & take with you).

Take things with you to keep you occupied when needed (mp3 player, books etc) & maybe have some mints & a bottle of water with you if you feel queazy at any point. Read up on relaxation & breathing so that you can calm yourself if your anxiety flares up. Be prepared is my motto!

It's facing your anxiety which helps it diminish. The theory is to relax & let is wash over you rather than tense up & try to fight it.

Avoiding situations means that the anxiety has won. I always try to face things when I'm feeling anxious. If you then need to walk away then at least you've tried.

Have a chat to your boyfriend & explain how you're feeling & that you may need his support. His friends do not need to know if you don't want them too. If you ever need to leave a situation whilst over there it can always be explained away with not feeling well. Most people are usually far too involved with their own lives to overly notice other people so try not to worry too much about what other people think

Hope this helps

Kel
x

[debs71]

Kel, thank you SO MUCH for your good advice and help.

I really needed to just hear some sense from another person.

I'm going to go I think, as like you said,if I don't it is running away from what is really THE FEAR of anxiety and I don't want to do that as things will just get worse and I will keep delaying going away.

That is a direction I don't want to go in.

Thanks again Kel. You are a star.:hugs:

[Kell]

No problem. Happy to help. I know it's easier said than done sometimes. I wish I could take my own advice sometimes!

I would recommend you read Claire Weekes "Self Help For Your Nerves". I have always found her words a comfort when I'm feeling bad.

Let me know how you get on with your planning for your trip.

Have a good weekend

Kel
x

[debs71]

Thanks Kel. I will give that a read.

I'll keep you posted too! I'm still a bit anxious but I am set in my mind to do it come hell or high water.

Thanks again so much and you too have a good weekend.

xxDebsxx:bighug1:

[daybyday]

Nothing is trivial here. :hugs:
You are having a rough tiime right now and that is important to you, so it is important to us.

[debs71]

Thank you daybyday for your kind words........this website is a Godsend for me.

I live with my parents at the moment, who are currently abroad in the States, so I have found it hard recently trying to deal with my anxiety without a friendly ear and home alone.

This website and you lovely people really help me.

xxxDebsxxx:hugs:

[ditzygirl]

If you possibly can, try and go.

I know how difficult it may be (believe me I have some awful times) but if you don't you will feel even worse for not going.

Good luck - we'll be keeping fingers crossed for youx

[debs71]

Thanks ditzygirl....you and everybody's support and words of encouragement mean the world to me. xxxx:bighug1:

[mandie]

Hi

I would try and go if you could. The thought of going is often worse than the actual trip. I found this out for myself a few weeks ago when i went on the eurostar to disneyland paris. My panic had got really bad again and i was worried it would happen on the eurostar etc. I couldnt cancel, i couldnt let my daughter down,but also i knew facing it would be better. I was absolutely fine on the journey and while i was there. The change of scenery was good for me!

If you postpone, will you just have the same anx about going then?

Good luck

love mandie x

[debs71]

Yep, you are very right Mandie and that is my biggest fear, that if I don't go, I will never go as the same thing will happen next time. That was great you were able to enjoy your trip despite your worry. That gives me hope!

I have set in my mind I am going now and have downloaded some relaxation podcasts from Itunes onto my Ipod so at least I can plug in to them if I feel anxious.

Thanks a million.xxxxxx

[Going home]

Reading your post, I think what might be happening to you is that you are simply overbreathing. Feeling anxious is one thing but when you say you pass out with it, and especially when you were talking to your old friend, indicates that you overbreathe alot. This means that the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your system is misplaced. Its not dangerous, just uncomfortable. Have you ever heard of breathing into a paper bag to redress the balance? well this is the reason why. Anxious people overbreathe alot and this can cause the feeling of passing out, or the actual passing out! Learn to breathe again in the right way if you can...try a slow breath in through your nose on the count of 6, and out through your mouth on the count of 8, this was always the mantra for us way back when, and it still works today. Hope this helps.

Anna xxx

[debs71]

Anna, you definitely have a point I think.

When I am very anxious I do breathe shallow and fast and I have been concentrating more of late on slow, deep breathing exercises as this does help me.

I also have a paperbag at hand when I feel I am erratically breathing/getting panicky.

Stupidly, I never really considered that my breathing would could be the culprit for my passing out, probably because of my low blood pressure, but it totally makes sense.

Thanks very much.xxx

[debs71]

I didn't make it.:weep:

I tossed and turned all of last night. Though I had determined in my head I would go, and my anxiety had lessened, I just couldn't rectify in my head the fact that I was going out to face a situation that I suspected was going to make my anxiety worse, that being, facing my boyfriend.

The situation that kicked off my panic attacks and anxiety again was that I saw photos of him on the internet (he is a DJ/barman) with several other women. He has told me that it is part of his job to make nice with the clientele but in my heart I know he is no monk when I am not around. I think I have been kidding myself that his feelings are as deep as mine, and to go out there already anxious to a doubtless stressful confrontation I just couldn't do. As much as I want to be with him, my health and sanity has to take priority now.

I do feel I have let myself down as I feared. The other half of me says I have done the right thing though. I am now considering counselling again to confront the issues that have led me to this anxiety and panic again.:weep:

Thanks anyway everyone for your kind encouragement.xxxxxx

[STEPHYUNO]

Hi Debs, I can relate to the things you are going through and as kell said it is not trivial, I also agree that it is better to try and almost belittle the anxious feelings, by smiling and saying to yourself as you breath in through your nose and gently out through your mouth, I know what this is, I know I'm not alone in feeling it and I know it will wash over me and fade away, the more your brain hears such things it becomes convinced that this is the truth and it will be, all the best Steph x

[debs71]

Thanks Stephy......xxxx

[Kell]

Hi Debs,

Don't beat yourself up about it. You have to do what you feel is right for you. You haven't let yourself down at all.

It sounds as if your relationships issues are not helping so perhaps a heart to heart with your boyfriend is needed to decide where your relationship stands.

It's done now, so try to move on from it

Kel
xxx

[debs71]

Hi Kel,

Thanks for your post.

You are right. I'm kind of scared to talk to him as he doesn't know about my history of depression and anxiety, though I suspect he thinks something is up as most of our bickering when I am there is fuelled by my insecurities which makes me moody, which he can't stand as he is a very happy go-lucky type.

I do need to confront it though, as a healthy relationship shouldn't create this anxiety.

Thanks again,

Debs.xxx:hugs: