Starting a new job! [Archive]

louise0501

18-09-10, 16:03

Nigel

18-09-10, 18:08

Hi Louise,

Congrats on the new job :flowers:

Sorry but I had to have just a tiny snigger when I read – “Ive got a job working behind a bar”, then in the next sentence – “...Im struggling to pick everything up”. My mind started to run riot :roflmao:

But seriously, I’m sure you’re doing just fine, and keep asking those that already know because that’s the only way we get to learn how to do new things. And try to stop worrying about it because it’s a fact that it’s far easier to learn something when you feel more relaxed.

Good luck with it :)
Nigel

louise0501

22-09-10, 15:13

Hey

I am still at my job but im really struggling with it. I am so quiet at work and i just feel unable to talk to anyone. The shifts are really annoying as well as i seem to be doing short shifts five days a week when i would prefer to do 3 long days coz even if you start in the evening i cant really enjoy the day as i am just worrying about going to work. I have been there about a week now and i still feel like i don't know what i am doing. is this normal? i might keep looking for another job that might suit me a bit better while working here. Do you know any jobs that would suit someone with really bad social anxiety?

Please Reply
Love Louise X

andrew

22-09-10, 16:56

Hi Louise,

Well done getting a job.

It takes time to settle into a new job and learn how its done. I know when my social anxiety is in full flow Im never gonna to be 'good enough' at anything. Is it possible that you are judging yourself too harshly. If you are turning up on time, presentable and not hiding from doing any work, then thats got to be enough from a new starter with no previous experience. Try to reassure yourself that you are doing ok and it will be ok. And keep on doing that and being positive with yourself, even if you dont feel that way.

Always look for a better job. Dont leave that job unless it becomes unbearable or you get a better job. Ask for a shift change. Just keep it to hellos and smiles until you feel more comfortable to say more.

I think you would have more success on working at lessening your social anxiety to help you at work, rather than trying to find a job to match it.

Good luck, you take care.

city2010

23-09-10, 08:47

i cam realte to this louise, im in another job and on the verge of quittting, i just started me new job but can concentrate no nothing, fair play u have got courage wokign behind a bar no way i could do that,

Im sure if u keep at it you will feel better once you have relaxed, if you need to chat about work i know hw ur feelling take care xx

o ye i dropped out of uni aswell like everything else ha

louise0501

03-10-10, 21:24

hey

I'm still at my new job and i seem to be settling in a little bit more now although my anx is pretty bad but that is largely down to the fact that the managers keep going on about the fact that if im not up to scratch by the 15th oct then they are going to have to let me go and i just feel under pressure coz i know i wont be up to scratch.

i know i have been there 2-3 weeks now but surely they can't expect me to be perfect. yesterday i made a few stupid mistakes which the manager spoke to me about but i was having an 'off' day as i havnt been feeling to well and my nan is really ill at the moment so that was on my mind.

they have also only given me 2 shifts waitressing since i started so i aint got a clue when it comes to waitressing but i thought i was doing ok behind the bar but apparently not coz they keep saying that i should know everything by now and i just feel like they don't want me there.

Any advice?

please reply
Love Louise X

louise0501

18-10-10, 14:53

hey, im still at my job and i have my 4 week review tomoz which im dreading as i have a feeling its gonna be fairly negative and possibly even sack me. especially since one of the managers had a word with me on friday saying that u need to open up more to people but i am just a naturally quiet person and i dont see why i should have to change my personality to suit them i mean no ones perfect. what do you think i should do? i feel sick before i go in now hes said that as i feel more under pressure and more anxious. i feel so down at the moment. I'm only there for the money so hopefully i can save up to get a car and all i want is to be accepted for who i am.

please reply
Love Louise

blueangel

19-10-10, 09:15

Hi Louise

I think the key here is to keep looking for other jobs. It may sound peculiar, but it's actually easier to get a job when you already have one, rather than looking for a job when you're unemployed.

It does seem to make a difference to the people who do the interviewing, as I can only guess that they assume that someone with a job is prepared to make the effort.

The thing I would say though, is that working behind a bar is not the most obvious job for someone with social anxiety, as a big part of the job is interacting with other people. With that in mind, it might be worth looking for other jobs where you don't have to deal with people in ways that can be quite stressful (such as when they're rude and/or drunk, which let's face it, happens a lot in bars!).

Make a list of the things that you feel you would like to do, such as if you want to care for people, or do something that involves research, or making things. It might also be worth going and having a chat with the job centre - explain to them that you really want to work, but that you have social anxiety and you need a bit of guidance as to the sort of jobs that would be suitable for you.

I suspect at the moment that one of your problems is that you feel as though you're trying to wedge yourself into a job that may not be the right one for you at the moment - but for now, keep at it, as having a job is definitely better than *not* having one.

louise0501

19-10-10, 11:43

Hi, I had my review this morning and it was awful. All she went on about was how quiet I am and how I'm not quick enough. She didn't say anything positive at all so my self esteem is at it's lowest. She said she will give me another 2 weeks to be quicker, more enthusiastic and a lot more talkative but I know thats not going to happen. I mean I know I should change and I probably would within a few months but i can't change who I am in 2 weeks, I just don't think bar work is for me. My parents don't understand at all. Has anyone been sacked before or left work coz of social anxiety? I'm feeling so depressed.

Please reply
love louise XXX

blueangel

19-10-10, 14:54

Hmm.... this is a bit of a tough one, I'm afraid. The only quick way around the "not being talkative enough" bit is to put on an act. Difficult, but not impossible. Working quicker comes to most of us when we get more confident with a job, so that's not insurmountable either.

People certainly have left jobs because of social anxiety, but unfortunately if you do leave, you might find that you feel as though you've failed (I know this is what would happen to me). If you're only work part-time, I would use some of your spare time to see if you could find yourself something else to tide you over, even if it's signing on with a temp agency or seeing whether there's something available in a supermarket. For now, anything will do as it will get you out of the house and give you a bit of money.

What were you going to do at uni? Is it possible you could look for a job in this sort of field?

Nigel

19-10-10, 16:07

Hi Louise,

Sorry your review didn’t go too well this morning; however, she’s given you some more time so she must see some potential.

But always remember – ‘I’m a human being, not a human doing’.
At times some of the things we ‘do’ might not be up to standard, but that’s OK because it doesn’t detract from the person we ‘are’.

You sound like me – one of the quieter ones who can talk when somebody talks to me but finds it harder to make conversation. I think I’d find that sort of job difficult too. But look at it the other way... if you spent half the day chatting to the customers your boss would be moaning about not doing enough work.

As for not being fast enough – I suppose a lot of that might be due to worrying about doing something wrong. So perhaps you could try having a little more faith in your abilities and just do things without spending so much time thinking about them.

Longer term I think Blueangel has the right idea. Maybe look for a job that’s less people oriented. But bear in mind that sometimes it helps to challenge our fears, just a little bit.

Take care :)
Nigel

Hardamcnor

19-10-10, 16:50

I'm just like that too - always the last one to talk or say anything because I'm always afraid to say the wrong thing or upset someone.

Hope you work it out ok, at least they are giving you more time so that is a really good thing

Dani

aladinsane

21-10-10, 15:48

i know that any job is not neccessarily better than no job.ideally you want to be happy and fulfilled but,having been unemployed for ages,i would literally do ANYTHING for peanuts.having no routine,no money and lots of time is a REALLY bad combination for my mental state.My confidence has always been low but without a purpose to the day its now non-existant.its a catch 22 also,low self-esteem and no confidence so most jobs i think i couldnt do or else have no chance of getting and on the rare occassion i have managed to get an interview,because it is so important to me,my stress and anxiety go through the roof and i turn into a babbling fool during the interview.If i was stuck in a job i hated then i might feel differently,but consider carefully how you would cope with a long period of unemployment,you will probably be as miserable if not more so,plus the other issues-skint,possibly isolated if no support network and all the stress and anxiety of trying to get anew job,interviews etc.it would definately be better to find another job before quitting.

louise0501

21-10-10, 23:37

i have a couple of interviews lined up for next week. one at hmv and one working at a theatre and i have more of interest in them so hopefully i get one coz i would ideally like to find another job before i lose this one but its horrible going into work when no one likes you and the managers are just constantly checking up on you. hopefully another job will come up soon.

Garnie

21-10-10, 23:43

Hey

I started a new job this week and i have been looking for a job for the past 7 months since i dropped out of uni so im obviously very relieved to be able to earn some money but im also anxious about starting this new job. ive got a job working behind a bar and waitressing in the restaurant and i dont have any experience doing this. Im struggling to pick everything up and struggling to talk to my co-workers. I also am terrified of making mistakes so i ponder on everything i do coz i dont wanna get it wrong and i just feel quite awkward but i do wanna push through it coz i need the money but i also keep thinking im gonna get fired if i dont pick everything up. Can anyone relate to this? any advice?

Please reply

Love Louise X

I completely understand how you feel. I started a new job last Monday and left after 2 days. I couldn't understand the job very well, and i sent me into full blown panic attacks just thinking about going back. I WAS THERE 2 DAYS!!!

I have always had bad luck regarding work. I think this is one of the reasons why i'm suffering again.

(hopefully this will be good advice)

Give the job a shot. Ask questions if your unsure, keep smiling, even though your nervous and do not tell your self you dont want to do this. Personally, I'm sticking to what i know such as reception work. Hopefully i'll have a bit of karma my way.

Good luck hunnie!! Im sending positive thoughts your way!!
xx