holly23
19-09-10, 11:31
hi.
i go back to uni tomorrow and im so depressed by it. my boyfriend has been down for a week and its been so nice. he left this morning. i have felt better than EVER since thursday night when we went out and seemed to sort out all our issues. i cant describe how relieving it has been to not feel anxious.!.:) im waiting for it to come back though. what if tomorrow is the day it does! ill be at uni, performing es there will be no escape! thats the fear! no one there has it like me so therefore cannot understand! also my summer has been so miserable that now things are a bit better i am not ready to go back to stressful things. im so tempted to drop out but everyone will think im a failure. although im not feeling anxious right now i still feel like im just floating sadly through life. i fear i will be anxious later and i know that is the bad circle of thinking but i cant help it. !! also, things going back to normal is making me feel ..not normal. its silly. i pray for a normal life then when i get it i think about being anxious!! i will have to start going to see my boyfriend every other weekend again and i hate where he lives. his friends all do drugs, even he does sometimes. i cant bare it. when i go there its going to bring back to many memories unless i try a make new ones? ...aahhhhh my brain is working over time!!!!
i would love to just be excited about uni and getting a normal life again but im afraid.i suppose the moment i break this habbit and stop preparing for panic it might come unexpectedly.:(
sorry i may not be making sense but this is how my mind feels...can anyone help?? xx
thanks.x
i go back to uni tomorrow and im so depressed by it. my boyfriend has been down for a week and its been so nice. he left this morning. i have felt better than EVER since thursday night when we went out and seemed to sort out all our issues. i cant describe how relieving it has been to not feel anxious.!.:) im waiting for it to come back though. what if tomorrow is the day it does! ill be at uni, performing es there will be no escape! thats the fear! no one there has it like me so therefore cannot understand! also my summer has been so miserable that now things are a bit better i am not ready to go back to stressful things. im so tempted to drop out but everyone will think im a failure. although im not feeling anxious right now i still feel like im just floating sadly through life. i fear i will be anxious later and i know that is the bad circle of thinking but i cant help it. !! also, things going back to normal is making me feel ..not normal. its silly. i pray for a normal life then when i get it i think about being anxious!! i will have to start going to see my boyfriend every other weekend again and i hate where he lives. his friends all do drugs, even he does sometimes. i cant bare it. when i go there its going to bring back to many memories unless i try a make new ones? ...aahhhhh my brain is working over time!!!!
i would love to just be excited about uni and getting a normal life again but im afraid.i suppose the moment i break this habbit and stop preparing for panic it might come unexpectedly.:(
sorry i may not be making sense but this is how my mind feels...can anyone help?? xx
thanks.x