so much for work...

[agnes]

I got up, I got ready, I drove to work feeling absolutely awful. I managed a couple of jobs and then went up to see our lovely matron in her office and broke down in tears. She has made me an appointment with the GP at 12.30. She brought me home and will pick me up at 12.00 to go with me.

I thought that getting back to work would be the answer and would redirect my anxious thoughts and feelings. I feel gutted that this hasnt worked for me.

But you know, there is a very tiny part of me that I can hardly hear or feel, that whispers...

this is the beginning of your healing.

[calm]

oh agnes...i am with you..it is oh so hard to continue to work.

i should be doing it now...so i better get on...but i have no strength.

please let me know how you get on at the doctors xxxx

it may of not worked today....but hopefully it will xxxxx

much love agnes xxxxxx

[LiquidSky]

you took the first step agnes, and you did a few things, that's an accomplishment :) It'll take time, one step at a time, but you are right, today was the start of your recovery :) hang in there!

[Jaco45er]

Hi Agnes

I have been in a similiar position in the past (well not the matron bit ;)).

How you have to look at is, when you are ill with anxiety, things need to happen gradually. Very much like a footballer who has a leg injury, he will only go back to training for the odd few hours a week until fully fit.

You done very well going :) and you managed a couple of jobs, I would say you have had a successful day all in all.

Look at it this way, today you practiced getting back to work, it went ok. So soon you will be up to practicing again until you are back to where you were before (and you will).

TC

Jaco

[agnes]

Thank you my dear, dear friends

[ladybird64]

Dear Agnes

You know that tiny little whisper you heard? Don't ignore it but pay careful attention to it because it comes from within yourself..it's the start of a new time for you. :)

I won't use the word recovery (because it isn't an illness) but I had that wee internal voice too and it was me finally acknowledging that this was me, anxiety and all. Now what to do about it?

All that stuff about acceptance used to drive me mad.."accept it? Me?? Never..over my dead body!!"

Well, I have. :winks: I do have anxiety but so does everyone in the world, mine is just disproportionate. I am who I am and I will not be afraid to say it..I just need to get shot of the overactive anxiety monster!

I am doing it because I have given it less importance. It will NOT rule my life and if I want to do something I am going to give it my best shot..but willingly.

Because of our anxiety we lose our zest and enjoyment for life..how do we feel happy, what is there to look forward to?

Start listening to that wee whisper Agnes hun. It wants you to reclaim your life back and you can, even though you're scared.
Today you didn't make it at work. You know thats what you want to do.

Are you brave enough to go back tomorrow even if you're scared? Even if you have to leave again or can't get through the door?

I know it's exhausting, I promise you. But I also promise that when you hit right back at your anxiety, not fighting it but surprising it (eg going back to a situation that freaked you out today), you lessen it's power.

It's a slow process but when you manage a hurdle, however small, you will feel over the moon.
And you will want to do more and more. Promise. :)

Don't give up, don't be defeated. Your inner whisper is telling you that inside, you're are ready to feel better.

Good luck :hugs:

[CrazyCatLady]

It's not a failure - Look at what you did manage to do! Well done I say, I wish I had your courage to go back to work!

Little steps remember... You did it this morning, and you can do it again!

[agnes]

Thank you so much CCLady for your encouraging reply x

And Ladybird, thank you so much for your inspiration. What you've done for me is give greater credence to that inner whisper. I've written it on a piece of paper and it's on show in my kitchen. I also added, "Do a Daisy when you cough" Daisy is my granddaughter of six months old. She always grins after she has coughed or sneezed...she really finds it hilarious whereas I have scared myself witless with this cough I have (all the fearful thoughts you could imagine). I have also added, "It isn't whats happening to you that's scary, its your thoughts about it."

And, a friend lent me a book last week, which I picked up briefly today...it talks about allowing what is, in order to reveal what is actually happening, not what our thoughts tell us is happening.

Granted, I'm miles away from practicing any of this as I still seem to be going through it, but it does feel like a start, it really does.

The doctor has actually signed me off work but it is an "open" certificate, which means I can start a phased return pretty soon. In the meantime, I'm going to try to do a few things that I wouldnt usually do when I'm anxious...a walk around the block for example.

Thank you

[Nigel]

Hi Agnes,

Well done you! :)
Perhaps not the resounding success that was hoped for but still plenty of achievements.

I came... I saw...
Think I’ll leave conquering till tomorrow :winks:

And keep listening to that tiny whisper because soon it’ll be deafening :yahoo:

Take care,
Nigel

[supersezza]

congrats for going in and staying for a bit!

could you maybe go in for 2-3 hours at a time till u relax?

try and be gentle on yourself x