fuzzyvalefan
20-09-10, 13:51
Hi all
I'm new to this place. I have read the forum in the past but never posted but i thought i would this time. I just want to get my thoughts and experiences out there and see if anyone has any advice or can sympathise with me.
I have always worried more than most if i ever found anything on my body that i wasn't sure about but in 2007 it became more frequent until a point where i ended up visiting the doctors three times in a week- getting them to check about 7/8 things over those appointments. It was then when i was diagnosed with health anxiety. I was put on 20mgs of escitalopram and i started CBT. Over time it worked and i was health anxiety free for the best part of 2 years. During that time i had a wonderul GP who was very patient and a great therapist, not to mention a long-suffering but wonderfully supportive and loving girlfriend. About 6 weeks ago i was picking my nose as you do from time to time :blush: and i noticed a bony ridge in my nose- something i'm fairly certain has always been like that. All of a sudden- bang, the horrible feelings and thoughts i thought i had banished for ever all came flooding back. The worry steadily got worse and within a week i started worrying about all sorts of things. By this point my medication has been gradually lowered to 5mg (i was considering coming them altogether as i felt really good) and my therapy had ended.
Having already suffered with this horrible mental illness in the past i knew straight away what it was. The realisation that it was back in my life was one of the worst feelings imaginable. I had already battled and beaten this condition and all of a sudden, out of nowhere it was back. In the weeks since then i have been in a constant state of worry about my health. I have worried about lumps and ridges in my nose, mouth, legs, neck and testicles. I have been looked at by doctors on 4 occasions, of course nothing was wrong on any of them.
Since the last bout, i have moved GPs but never used the new one. I went to my new GP about my problems and he was absolutely horrible to me. I was made to feel like a time waster, an idiot, a freak and a drama queen. His advice for my health anxiety was 'when you feel anxious just go for a run' while he also said i 'need to get a grip' and that i would end up ruining my life if i continued. His exact comment was that i would 'end up like a Michael Jackson figure, walking around in public wearing a mask, thinking i was allergic to water.' Needless to say that this experience was a huge dent to my morale. I came out of his office and burst into tears as i had never been made to feel so small or so pathetic in all my life. I went in looking for a bit of help and support and found none. Luckily there are 4 other GPs at the practice so i simply will avoid him in the future. I did manage to get the doctor to return my escitalopram to its original 20mg dose but he said the waiting list for CBT was very long so i have started it privately and have currently had one session with the second this Thursday.
My head has been all over the place since the health anxiety returned. Like i said, i have worried about lots of different things but it is always focussed on cancer and it is also purely physical things (lumps, bumps, blemishes) rather than symptons such as aches and pains. Currently, it is a little bit of lumpy tissue in my mouth. It is not visible, only palpable and i think its always been there but my mind keeps telling me that it seems a little bigger than before. Prodding and poking it has left it a little swollen of course so that clouds my judgement further. When i asked my girlfriend to see if she could feel it, she said she couldn't feel anything so i really dont think it can be too major. My mouth was also checked by a doctor just 2 weeks ago. While deep down i am reasonably confident that i dont have cancer and all the logic points to that conclusion, there are these horrible little nagging thoughts that say 'what if it is?' Usually this can be contained as worry that while it is always present, i can usually stay calm but occasionally it descends into full blown panic attacks.
Generally at home i can relax more but i find it really tough going at work. I work for a very small company and i often spend lots of time on my own, which doesn't help, at a computer which also doesn't help. Even though i know it never helps and only hinders, sometimes the temptation to Google my lumps and bumps is too much. Of course, the diagnosis is usually CANCER CANCER CANCER and that makes me feel worse. While I have massively reduced by active checking (ie- feeling around various areas for lumps/bumps) i am still finding things by accident and worrying about them. Something else which annoys me is that if i decided to get something checked my a doctor, you can guarantee that within a few hours something else will take its place- its almost like my mind has to have something to worry about and isn't satisfied until its found something. I am worried virtually all of the time, panicky for little bits of it, angry and frustrated at times and just downright depressed at others.
I am doing the only thing i can do with this. I've increased my medication up to the maximum does, i've restarted the therapy and i'm trying to get on with my life as normal. That was what beat it before and of course i know that i can beat it, because i have already done it in the past. I am really struggling at times and feel very low sometimes too. If anyone has any tips with coping with the health anxiety, the worries, the panic attacks or any other useful advice i would be very greatful.
I also feel guilty at times as in theory i have a great life, i am 23, have a good degree, a decent job, a loving and supportive family, a magnificent girlfriend (who i live with and love more than anything). I am also planning to propose to my girlfriend next month, something i planned before the health anxiety started up again. She knows that i am going to propose but i am terrified that i will ruin it because of my condition and my state of mind at the moment. She has said that i dont need to put any pressure on myself and however i feel when the time comes, we will just make the most of it. I find it difficult though because i feel like i put an awful lot of pressure on her and an awful lot of strain on the relationship. She is, however, very understanding and loving and does whatever she can to help. I just hope i can repay the favour by getting better as soon as possible and being good company for her again .
Dave
I'm new to this place. I have read the forum in the past but never posted but i thought i would this time. I just want to get my thoughts and experiences out there and see if anyone has any advice or can sympathise with me.
I have always worried more than most if i ever found anything on my body that i wasn't sure about but in 2007 it became more frequent until a point where i ended up visiting the doctors three times in a week- getting them to check about 7/8 things over those appointments. It was then when i was diagnosed with health anxiety. I was put on 20mgs of escitalopram and i started CBT. Over time it worked and i was health anxiety free for the best part of 2 years. During that time i had a wonderul GP who was very patient and a great therapist, not to mention a long-suffering but wonderfully supportive and loving girlfriend. About 6 weeks ago i was picking my nose as you do from time to time :blush: and i noticed a bony ridge in my nose- something i'm fairly certain has always been like that. All of a sudden- bang, the horrible feelings and thoughts i thought i had banished for ever all came flooding back. The worry steadily got worse and within a week i started worrying about all sorts of things. By this point my medication has been gradually lowered to 5mg (i was considering coming them altogether as i felt really good) and my therapy had ended.
Having already suffered with this horrible mental illness in the past i knew straight away what it was. The realisation that it was back in my life was one of the worst feelings imaginable. I had already battled and beaten this condition and all of a sudden, out of nowhere it was back. In the weeks since then i have been in a constant state of worry about my health. I have worried about lumps and ridges in my nose, mouth, legs, neck and testicles. I have been looked at by doctors on 4 occasions, of course nothing was wrong on any of them.
Since the last bout, i have moved GPs but never used the new one. I went to my new GP about my problems and he was absolutely horrible to me. I was made to feel like a time waster, an idiot, a freak and a drama queen. His advice for my health anxiety was 'when you feel anxious just go for a run' while he also said i 'need to get a grip' and that i would end up ruining my life if i continued. His exact comment was that i would 'end up like a Michael Jackson figure, walking around in public wearing a mask, thinking i was allergic to water.' Needless to say that this experience was a huge dent to my morale. I came out of his office and burst into tears as i had never been made to feel so small or so pathetic in all my life. I went in looking for a bit of help and support and found none. Luckily there are 4 other GPs at the practice so i simply will avoid him in the future. I did manage to get the doctor to return my escitalopram to its original 20mg dose but he said the waiting list for CBT was very long so i have started it privately and have currently had one session with the second this Thursday.
My head has been all over the place since the health anxiety returned. Like i said, i have worried about lots of different things but it is always focussed on cancer and it is also purely physical things (lumps, bumps, blemishes) rather than symptons such as aches and pains. Currently, it is a little bit of lumpy tissue in my mouth. It is not visible, only palpable and i think its always been there but my mind keeps telling me that it seems a little bigger than before. Prodding and poking it has left it a little swollen of course so that clouds my judgement further. When i asked my girlfriend to see if she could feel it, she said she couldn't feel anything so i really dont think it can be too major. My mouth was also checked by a doctor just 2 weeks ago. While deep down i am reasonably confident that i dont have cancer and all the logic points to that conclusion, there are these horrible little nagging thoughts that say 'what if it is?' Usually this can be contained as worry that while it is always present, i can usually stay calm but occasionally it descends into full blown panic attacks.
Generally at home i can relax more but i find it really tough going at work. I work for a very small company and i often spend lots of time on my own, which doesn't help, at a computer which also doesn't help. Even though i know it never helps and only hinders, sometimes the temptation to Google my lumps and bumps is too much. Of course, the diagnosis is usually CANCER CANCER CANCER and that makes me feel worse. While I have massively reduced by active checking (ie- feeling around various areas for lumps/bumps) i am still finding things by accident and worrying about them. Something else which annoys me is that if i decided to get something checked my a doctor, you can guarantee that within a few hours something else will take its place- its almost like my mind has to have something to worry about and isn't satisfied until its found something. I am worried virtually all of the time, panicky for little bits of it, angry and frustrated at times and just downright depressed at others.
I am doing the only thing i can do with this. I've increased my medication up to the maximum does, i've restarted the therapy and i'm trying to get on with my life as normal. That was what beat it before and of course i know that i can beat it, because i have already done it in the past. I am really struggling at times and feel very low sometimes too. If anyone has any tips with coping with the health anxiety, the worries, the panic attacks or any other useful advice i would be very greatful.
I also feel guilty at times as in theory i have a great life, i am 23, have a good degree, a decent job, a loving and supportive family, a magnificent girlfriend (who i live with and love more than anything). I am also planning to propose to my girlfriend next month, something i planned before the health anxiety started up again. She knows that i am going to propose but i am terrified that i will ruin it because of my condition and my state of mind at the moment. She has said that i dont need to put any pressure on myself and however i feel when the time comes, we will just make the most of it. I find it difficult though because i feel like i put an awful lot of pressure on her and an awful lot of strain on the relationship. She is, however, very understanding and loving and does whatever she can to help. I just hope i can repay the favour by getting better as soon as possible and being good company for her again .
Dave