up all night with fear again...

[AlwaysScared]

Hi, im new to this but i figured id just write what ive been going through for the past almost 2 years including today...im obssesed with being hiv+ i HATE this feeling...i dont know where it stemmed from. the last guy i was with before my boyfriend i was with for 9 months. he said he was clean and got tested every year and called me this past march to see how i was doing, i asked him if he was tested and he said yes everything was fine. maybe the thing that gets me all worked up is the fact that he was with other 2 or 3 other women besides me while we were having our ''relationship'' (it was more of a friends with benefits thing) but i know he didnt use protection with all of them. im just scared, i read hiv symptoms at least once a week and i stay up crying a lot. like last night. im afraid if i have it i have already passed it to my current boyfriend whom is the love of my life and i would DIE if something happened to him. im so afraid because every little thing that happens to my body whether it be a rash or a yeast infection..an itch..a cold...anything i try to associate with hiv...i never sleep, im constantly worrying about something illogical like this..this has been an obsession for nearly 2 years now and i still havent gotten the courage to get tested...am i crazy? i feel like im alone in this.

[paula lynne]

Hi hun, you call it an obsession, so you already know this isnt "normal" behaviour lets call it. Maybe ask your doctor for a referal to the appropriate professional who can reassure you. xxxxxx and have the hiv test? xx set your own mind at rest? xxxxxx:hugs:

[Hazel B]

I did this to myself 20 years ago, after being a student and not always being protected. The news was full of scare stories and I made myself ill worrying, thinking I had symptoms and checking my body all day. It was an exhausting trap. I finally got the courage to go for a test and it was negative. I also had another test recently as I was at the GUM clinic for a smear and they were taking blood anyway. It took only one week for me to get a result and it was negative, not that I was worried at all.
Please take my advice and go for the test, it will put your mind at ease, there is no other way to break the pattern of worry. You will need to be very brave, take someone with you if it helps.
Do not look online for symptoms, it makes it worse. Stay way from "Dr Google" and look at the health anxiety advice on the left of the screen.
Best wishes.

[MoonlightFire]

You're not alone. I worry about this too :( xxx