phil06
21-09-10, 16:31
I feel I really need to talk to somebody about things. Just life in general.
First my love life..I'm 22 soon but throughout my teenage years I managed to date and have two serious relationships but not had anything serious for 3 and a half years now. I absolutely hate being myself to make it worse I'm not even on the dating scene like I was last year. I'm not doing anything different just this year I've been cancelled on, lied to, lead up the garden path on dating sites. A separate issue has seen my social life not as good to go clubbing (but never had any joy in night clubs anyway). But I work..try and chat to people and have no joy with women either. I just feel very angry about it..I have kind of released well life's not fair but I actually now believe I'll never meet somebody. I was picked on at school so my early years I had little chance of relationships until I got past 16. So this so called dry spell, bad luck whatever it is is the longest spell since then. I feel very rejected I am a tidy, neat kind of guy take care of myself but it won't happen. I am expecting some older people to say "well you don't have to settle young" but it's a fact of life many people I went to school with are all married, some settled..in life you can have 2/3/4 serious relationships? So it's knocked my confidence which is certainly not helping me..so right now I can't get any date with anybody..no matter how desperate I am. If I stop looking then I am sad and miserable and women never chat to me anyway. I can't keep switching jobs, college and so on to meet people as I'm 22 soon and I have to try and find my path in life.
But anyway what is worrying me is I can't handle constant rejection. I guess it's my fault for trying? But I get into deep depression being lonely too. My alternative is go out clubbing every week (great) but my friends I hardly see anymore as there always busy, making new friends is extremely difficult.
So in the last week or so I've just had a short break...watch DVD's, focus on work..listen to music and I felt a bit better until I decide to see what's out there dating again..and then anxiety comes..so today I was out my mind felt in "meltdown" I have to say to myself "It's fine" as it's too much? If that makes sense..I am finding it very hard to take on the chin..I feel nobody understands..part of why I am more anxious is because I am very stressed..I am stressed because of life..I'm not expecting to get married tomorrow. I just want to meet people..I admit when I dated and it never went anywhere I felt a tad down but I said well it's experience..I seen some great movies, enjoyed the date, never felt so rejected? But right now I can't stress anymore for the last year I actually can't get a date with ANYBODY..I mean that..It's got to texting and they cancel, or they want to stay single I've heard so many excuses..but I'd be a fool to give up, or let one bother me..it hurts me though. I try again..i could meet somebody tomorrow yes? But given I've hoped for 3 and a half years...900+ days? depressed, hopeless it's just not there.
What else is making me feel in "melt down"? Driving..I started learning to drive in January 2009 never thought I'd stick it..passed my therapy a year later..sat my test just failed by one little bit..but back to confidence...then the nerves started and I've since failed 4 times and I am considering changing to a third instructor to possibly try again due to pressure from family. But I also feel very angry at life myself ..it can only happen to me quote? I'm sure others know what I mean. So I now feel well if I can pass it..then maybe I'll look back on this year as a small hurdle rather than a massive regret.
Nothing has ever come easy to me..I feel about 90..all I do is sit online all day..career bothers me I've had ten jobs since leaving school..three failed tries at college (exams, commitment, socialising) all got the better of me..I started to feel very depressed in my job again as it's a job not a career..I've never been 100% happy I guess..
What I miss is when you're in a relationship you feel very content, you can think about others, love somebody else without thinking about anxiety..however I was very happy with my last g.f. I thought she was the one I'd settle with but I also feel very guilty as I had a blip of anxiety that basically spoiled it. I've since learned but never got that "third" chance with somebody else..See if I was enjoying life I would not feel as much pressure. It's easy for somebody to say counselling, join a club, socialise but for whatever reason I am finding stuff very difficult because something always gets in the way. This year nothing has gone right for me..see this year if I joined a club I bet somebody I'd make no friends..it's that kind of brick wall scenario..
It might be a recession but wow It does feel a depression for me where as others out partying probably never notice these issues in life. Because my life feels as bleak as the economy at times..all that keeps me going is battling on, hoping the one comes along, enjoying small things like music. See it could be better..but I try, over try just won't happen for me this year. I can't really switch that into a positive..because last year was not that amazing, but this year seems worse..so it's hard to hope next year will be better incase it's ten times worse..course you duno what is ahead.
I don't want to sound selfish but I would just be joyed to meet anybody right now, share some company. Sometimes it's nice to date and just see what is out there. I would feel warmed if somebody actually had a few hours just to get to know me. Maybe if that happened yes, it will happen, but when I am being rejected I just feel so angry, it's not getting any better, I don't deserve this atall, it sucks. I got let down last night only spoke to them few days but I felt so sick..it really hurts me emotionally.
I don't want to sound too negative as my anxiety has dropped..but I can see a point where it can get me. Now my head is obviously saying next women I chat to it's all going to just be the same? It's easy for people to say it won't be but I've had so much support and I keep getting hurt. Rejection in three and a half years is alot worse than a break up..maybe others can understand. I believe in life everything happens for a reasons o why? Why am I suffering this way? You would think somewhere, sometime that something will come up...I worry about going mad with anxiety but the way life is going it would send people into a breakdown you know? I realise life never turns out as planned but 4 failed driving tests, and three and a half years rejection nothing tops it..it feels like THIS......... bad for me. If somebody said I will be driving in 5 years and married I'd laugh...I hope it gets better and not worse though. As I say this duel keeps going on for me...saying oh it will get better..when? nobody anywhere can guarantee it will...I do care about others but when I'm so miserable I want to some how find my way before I can fully stop thinking of myself. Right now I'm in no state to give advice sadly..
For me life is frustrating, right now age depresses me..no wonder if I'm having such a time of it..I should be doing so much more enjoyable things at my age!. I genuinely don't want to be sat here next year saying the same but worse...I'd not wish it on anybody either...yes if I was in love I'd feel on top of the world, to be dating I'd feel a bit more mellow. Before this spell I had alot less hobbies now I am a follower of games consoles and Football so that helps me create conversation in life..so that is a small positive for me. Overall I feel this way so change is the only way forward.
If I could just get my life on track I'd maybe feel a tad less sorry for myself..coruse only I can..but will life allow me that passage to happiness? I have alot to learn I know..I guess I knew it would be hard, but I guess I never expected it to be this hard, so early on..before I have any financial commitments later in life...does anybody understand? I just need to talk, talking might stop me being so angry and upset..some weeks I just feel down...sorry for such a long post. :weep:
First my love life..I'm 22 soon but throughout my teenage years I managed to date and have two serious relationships but not had anything serious for 3 and a half years now. I absolutely hate being myself to make it worse I'm not even on the dating scene like I was last year. I'm not doing anything different just this year I've been cancelled on, lied to, lead up the garden path on dating sites. A separate issue has seen my social life not as good to go clubbing (but never had any joy in night clubs anyway). But I work..try and chat to people and have no joy with women either. I just feel very angry about it..I have kind of released well life's not fair but I actually now believe I'll never meet somebody. I was picked on at school so my early years I had little chance of relationships until I got past 16. So this so called dry spell, bad luck whatever it is is the longest spell since then. I feel very rejected I am a tidy, neat kind of guy take care of myself but it won't happen. I am expecting some older people to say "well you don't have to settle young" but it's a fact of life many people I went to school with are all married, some settled..in life you can have 2/3/4 serious relationships? So it's knocked my confidence which is certainly not helping me..so right now I can't get any date with anybody..no matter how desperate I am. If I stop looking then I am sad and miserable and women never chat to me anyway. I can't keep switching jobs, college and so on to meet people as I'm 22 soon and I have to try and find my path in life.
But anyway what is worrying me is I can't handle constant rejection. I guess it's my fault for trying? But I get into deep depression being lonely too. My alternative is go out clubbing every week (great) but my friends I hardly see anymore as there always busy, making new friends is extremely difficult.
So in the last week or so I've just had a short break...watch DVD's, focus on work..listen to music and I felt a bit better until I decide to see what's out there dating again..and then anxiety comes..so today I was out my mind felt in "meltdown" I have to say to myself "It's fine" as it's too much? If that makes sense..I am finding it very hard to take on the chin..I feel nobody understands..part of why I am more anxious is because I am very stressed..I am stressed because of life..I'm not expecting to get married tomorrow. I just want to meet people..I admit when I dated and it never went anywhere I felt a tad down but I said well it's experience..I seen some great movies, enjoyed the date, never felt so rejected? But right now I can't stress anymore for the last year I actually can't get a date with ANYBODY..I mean that..It's got to texting and they cancel, or they want to stay single I've heard so many excuses..but I'd be a fool to give up, or let one bother me..it hurts me though. I try again..i could meet somebody tomorrow yes? But given I've hoped for 3 and a half years...900+ days? depressed, hopeless it's just not there.
What else is making me feel in "melt down"? Driving..I started learning to drive in January 2009 never thought I'd stick it..passed my therapy a year later..sat my test just failed by one little bit..but back to confidence...then the nerves started and I've since failed 4 times and I am considering changing to a third instructor to possibly try again due to pressure from family. But I also feel very angry at life myself ..it can only happen to me quote? I'm sure others know what I mean. So I now feel well if I can pass it..then maybe I'll look back on this year as a small hurdle rather than a massive regret.
Nothing has ever come easy to me..I feel about 90..all I do is sit online all day..career bothers me I've had ten jobs since leaving school..three failed tries at college (exams, commitment, socialising) all got the better of me..I started to feel very depressed in my job again as it's a job not a career..I've never been 100% happy I guess..
What I miss is when you're in a relationship you feel very content, you can think about others, love somebody else without thinking about anxiety..however I was very happy with my last g.f. I thought she was the one I'd settle with but I also feel very guilty as I had a blip of anxiety that basically spoiled it. I've since learned but never got that "third" chance with somebody else..See if I was enjoying life I would not feel as much pressure. It's easy for somebody to say counselling, join a club, socialise but for whatever reason I am finding stuff very difficult because something always gets in the way. This year nothing has gone right for me..see this year if I joined a club I bet somebody I'd make no friends..it's that kind of brick wall scenario..
It might be a recession but wow It does feel a depression for me where as others out partying probably never notice these issues in life. Because my life feels as bleak as the economy at times..all that keeps me going is battling on, hoping the one comes along, enjoying small things like music. See it could be better..but I try, over try just won't happen for me this year. I can't really switch that into a positive..because last year was not that amazing, but this year seems worse..so it's hard to hope next year will be better incase it's ten times worse..course you duno what is ahead.
I don't want to sound selfish but I would just be joyed to meet anybody right now, share some company. Sometimes it's nice to date and just see what is out there. I would feel warmed if somebody actually had a few hours just to get to know me. Maybe if that happened yes, it will happen, but when I am being rejected I just feel so angry, it's not getting any better, I don't deserve this atall, it sucks. I got let down last night only spoke to them few days but I felt so sick..it really hurts me emotionally.
I don't want to sound too negative as my anxiety has dropped..but I can see a point where it can get me. Now my head is obviously saying next women I chat to it's all going to just be the same? It's easy for people to say it won't be but I've had so much support and I keep getting hurt. Rejection in three and a half years is alot worse than a break up..maybe others can understand. I believe in life everything happens for a reasons o why? Why am I suffering this way? You would think somewhere, sometime that something will come up...I worry about going mad with anxiety but the way life is going it would send people into a breakdown you know? I realise life never turns out as planned but 4 failed driving tests, and three and a half years rejection nothing tops it..it feels like THIS......... bad for me. If somebody said I will be driving in 5 years and married I'd laugh...I hope it gets better and not worse though. As I say this duel keeps going on for me...saying oh it will get better..when? nobody anywhere can guarantee it will...I do care about others but when I'm so miserable I want to some how find my way before I can fully stop thinking of myself. Right now I'm in no state to give advice sadly..
For me life is frustrating, right now age depresses me..no wonder if I'm having such a time of it..I should be doing so much more enjoyable things at my age!. I genuinely don't want to be sat here next year saying the same but worse...I'd not wish it on anybody either...yes if I was in love I'd feel on top of the world, to be dating I'd feel a bit more mellow. Before this spell I had alot less hobbies now I am a follower of games consoles and Football so that helps me create conversation in life..so that is a small positive for me. Overall I feel this way so change is the only way forward.
If I could just get my life on track I'd maybe feel a tad less sorry for myself..coruse only I can..but will life allow me that passage to happiness? I have alot to learn I know..I guess I knew it would be hard, but I guess I never expected it to be this hard, so early on..before I have any financial commitments later in life...does anybody understand? I just need to talk, talking might stop me being so angry and upset..some weeks I just feel down...sorry for such a long post. :weep: