Terrible start to the day

[andrew england 2]

why on earth has my day started like this - I posted yesterday that I stayed off the cigs and caffeine and beer all day and ate well - I felt flat and plain tired with mild drealisation and little anxiety - I then get chatting and chat till dawn on yahoo smoking cigs like a trooper with a few cups of tea - finally about 7am i sleep and wake 4 hrs later and I feel the worst derealisation ever - just had cereal and a banana to get my blood sugar level up has helped a little but god in heaven I cant stand this my body is flushing i am getting more anxiety trembling a little and I feel so scared I have lost my mind forever - how I wish I could go back in time and be a good boy and not have abused the chances I had by being so immature and drinking and smoking and living on caeffine and junk and always thinking I will clean my act up tomorrow - what if there is no way back for me and I am doomed for ever to live in a burnt out brain - I have read on the realisation and so many topics and it is amazing to know I am not the only one ever to have it - but god I feel so scared that its never gonna leave and that I have already died inside myself - this is my greatest fear and a phobia in itself - drealisation may just be a symptom of anxiety but to me it feels like a terrible living death - 1st time I have ever been so honest about my fears even to myself cos its the 1st time I have ever known what was wrong with me - now all I want is to be a good boy and always behave myself and live a quiet life as myself for this I would dedicate myself to god and my life to other people if only I can make it back

[wendy]

Hi Andrew

Sorry you are not feeling too good today, I hate the derealisation feeling most out of all symptoms, I myself have had 5 good days, I went out last night had a few drinks and today and all through the night have had none stop panic, its awful isnt it!
Dont be too hard on yourself, we will have these off days but you will get over this,
I think it is really postive and a good step forward for you to say its the fist time you understand your symtpoms!

Take Care

Wendy x

[darkangel]

Hi Andrew

I think you are starting to realise that you cant continue with the coping techniques you are currently using to deal with your anxiety. Make one small change to your routine and continue to do it in small steps - dont try and change everything at once. I think we tend to get into a cycle by trying to blank out feelings - you are showing that you are taking account of what is going on in your life. I will add that when I cut out alcohol, cigs and all the other junk I put into my body it felt so strange cos it felt like something was missing - it will take time but with support you can do it. Just because you quit all the above doesnt mean you have to live a quiet life - far from it , it may open a door to a whole new future.

Take care of yourself, we know what you are going through

Darkangel

........life is for living not just for surviving

[Meg]

Hi Andrew

Its a bumpy journey this recovery process.

The DP DR will lighten and pass. You need to treat yourself very kindly indeed and have patience and perserverence.



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[molly15]

HI ANDREW U ARE STILL YOUNG U CAN MAKE CHANGES TO YOUR DIET AND TRY TO STOP SMOKING.U HAVE LOTS OF TIME FOR YOUR BODY TO REPAIR ITSELF ONCE U MAKE THESE CHANGES.BUT DO IT SLOWLY OR IT WILL BECOME TO DIFFICULT TO STICK TO.TAKE CARE MARCIA XX

i have to do it for my kids if not for myself marciaxx

[jackie]

andrew everyone of us have did things we regret, surely there is time to make things right? dont be too harsh on yourself , if you do not like the way your life is then do what we all are trying to do, bit by bit change things.

my advice, the ciggies are the worst, try your hardest to do with out them

were behind you all the way
jackie

[henri]

hi andrew,
jackie is right, we've all done stuff we regret, even lived whole years of our lives in a way which we later come to regret.
i don't think it is ever too late to change things that you are unhappy with. i don't know how old you are but i am sure that, little by little, you can make small changes and work towards being 'a good boy'! it's never too late.
hope you are feeling a bit better,
henri x

[sal]

Andrew

No one is perfect and we all regret our actions but only once they are too late but we learn from them and that is the best thing through it.

Here if you want to talk.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.


"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".