daughter inheriting my anxiety

[happyone]

My eldest went up to the park with a friend of hers yesterday. Before she went I had been badly bothered by IBS and had been doubled up in pain. Her dad came in and I said she could go out.

Whilst she was out, she sent me a text saying "Mum, are you dying or something?" Obviously I replkied right away saying I just had a tummy pain and I intended her to be looking after me when I was 95!

What had happened is, a couple of days previous, she had sent me a wee smiley face and I had replied saying I loved her loads and loads. She hadn't got that message until she was at the park and combined with my tummy pain.....she thought I was dying.

When she got home, she told me she felt sick when she got the message.
It reminded me of my adolescence. I used to think my mum was going to kill herself. (this was cos of things she said and her being very drunk though) and I used to scream and cry outside the bathroom door. Then when that fear passed, I used to think she was going to kill herself accidentally when she was drunk, or my dad would kill her. My anxiety used to be so high it was awful.

My anxiety is still sky high at times and it hurts to think my daughter is inheriting that and that my mental health is adding to it. I know this was about a physical problem but all the mental health stuff must have contributed.

I feel so crap thinking she is going to go through life like me.....even though she doesn't have the drunken parent to put up with though.

Happyone
xx

[JaneC]

Happyone, try not to worry too much about this. Just because your daughter is concerned about you doesn't mean she is developing an anxiety prob - she just loves you and worries about you x

[Nigel]

Hi Happyone,

I’ve not been around here for a while – hope you're doing ok :hugs:

I think what you experienced back then with your mum was perfectly normal. And I think what your daughter experienced in the park was perfectly normal. And I think that’s the way anybody would react when something didn’t seem right concerning somebody they cared about.

I remember, quite a few years ago now, I rang Mum & Dad about something one evening. I tried several times over the next couple of hours and always no reply. In the end I phoned Sister to see if they were there, or if she knew where they might be, and she didn’t either. We were both really worried and I eventually drove over to see if they were ok. They were quite surprised to see me – sitting there calmly watching TV, and blissfully unaware that the phone line had developed a fault :doh:

It’s a normal reaction Happyone, nothing you passed on :winks:

Take care,
Nigel

[happyone]

Hi, and thanks :)

Nigel, nice to see you (you know what I mean!) hope you are doing ok? I am not here that much these days either.

I suppose my daughters anx was in keeping with the situation really eh?

Thanks again
Happyone
xx

[jill]

Hi Happyone :D:hugs:

Nigel has said it all :yesyes:

Your daughter is having normal emotions, not anx. As humans will ALL have normal emotions depending on what we are dealing with, we CANNOT expect to feel nothing, she has normal concerns about you, Ohhh bless her :hugs:

I know its dame hard for you right now, :hugs: but please be kind to yourself, you are a good mother, even your concerns of her getting anxiety is normal. As Nigel said, you have not passed anything on.

YOU TAKE CARE

LOVE JILL XX

[Rachel424]

I think of lot of anxiety stems from experiences in childhood or other traumatic life experiences. Your childhood was very traumatic from what you have told us and it must have been very difficult to cope. I also had a difficult childhood with my parents constantly arguing, then going through a difficult divorce, then being forced to move house to a different part of the country and being severely bullied at school. I used to wake up with a terrible feeling of fear every morning. I think it's almost like I became accustomed to feeling anxious and it became a normal way of thinking for me. I'm sure your daughter hasn't inherited your anxiety, and, like others have said, what she had was just a natural reaction for someone she loves and cares about.

[calm]

just want to say....as most of the peeps on here know..i worry that i am damaging my 13 year old.

thank you for your positive posts ....they do make a difference xxxxx

[JaneC]

Tracey - just wanted to say that despite them growing up most/all their lives with my mental health issues (and their dad developing a few along the way, some family!) my three kids (all now teenagers) actually seem for the most part... well normal, really. It's been a bit of a shock lol

[calm]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh jane...that is oh so good to hear xxxxx

[calm]

jane...i hope you didnt think i was being flippent...when i said that i am pleased i meant that your children are doing well.

thank you jane xxxxx

[JaneC]

No, lol Calm, I understand :hugs:

[Nigel]

Hi Happyone,

“I suppose my daughters anx was in keeping with the situation really eh?”

I think that’s about it :winks:

I’m not doing too badly thanks. Still have some sad days about a good friend we both knew. I read the words you wrote on here at the time, and although it was a very sad time, I had to smile just a little bit because I knew exactly what you meant when you said she was a ‘mean scrabble player’. I only ever won once!

Take care,
Nigel