Can anyone help me work out where I am on the road to getting better?

[ByThePowerOfGreyskul]

I posted this in PTSD but wonder if anyone here could help

I had a breakdown in Feb 2008 it was a build up of stress and pressure that resulted in me attempting suicide.
the medical profession stepped in and I have been having psychiatric help every week since then.

What I am seeking is some idea of when we stop. the stress levels that I experienced when I had my breakdown triggered PTSD regarding me being raped as a child ( I had always remembered but thought it wasn't anything extraordinary and the weight of responsibility for it was definately mine)
Anyway, now 2 years + down the road we have dealt with alot of stuff includign why I didnt have any support as a child and why I was more frightened of telling my parents about being raped than I was of being raped again.
I have changed the relationship I have with my parents and it is now functioning on a level I feel more comfortable with. I don't think of suicide as often as I did and I am learning to deal with the flashbacks and re-experiencing as early as I can to prevent me getting totally stuck.

SO
I do still re-experience being raped, once a week or slightly less - will that ever go? I have managed through visualisations to find a way of flooding my mind with a huge fire big and firey instead of seeing his face and can hear the crackles instead of him chewing gum in my ear and can smell the fire burning instead of his smokey sweaty body. It gets me out of the room - but it doesn't stop it wiping me out it is exhausting and frightening.

when I talk in my meetings about the future I am reassured that we are not going to end until I am happy to but I guess I don't know what I should be aiming for. IYKWIM>

sorry for rambling wierd first posting Hope someone can help.

x

[kibbutz83]

Hi Greyskul, your story sounds frighteningly similar to mine. I was sexually abused and raped as a young child, and in the last 5 years have been suffering PTSD..... I can say it is the most terrifying experience of my life, causing also a total inability to sleep. I was in group therapy for just over a year, which did help, but also brought up certain things that I couldn't deal with :( I believe that the "healing" process is not something that can be measured in time or anything "concrete". It is a matter of living through our experiences and understanding and accepting them. As time goes on they become less frightening and more manageable :) Be patient ( although I know that's much easier said than done ) :) x

[debs71]

Hi,

Let me say first how much I feel for you and what you have been through is horrendous. I can't even begin to imagine the trauma and pain you have suffered. The fact that you are here, talking about this, seeking help and confronting your traumatic experiences is so, so brave and I admire you.

It is so hard to advise you of where you are in your road to feeling better as it is such a personal thing, and nobody can really advise you of that as it is HOW YOU FEEL about where you are now and what support you need, and how far that support needs to extend. I think that is why in your meetings you are told that it will not end until you dictate so, because for them to cut off the meetings/therapy at a time dictated by them would be the wrong thing as YOU need to feel you are ready for that, not them.

I haven't experienced anything as traumatic as you hun, but I have suffered with depression and anxiety for many years on and off. When I asked my Doctor when the time was right to try to get back to work and wean down the meds, he basically told me a similar thing, that it is for ME TO SAY when the time is right, and no one can answer that question except me, as I know how I am feeling.

You sound like you are making wonderful strides, but please don't be rushed by anyone. You will feel, I am certain, when the time is right.

xxxxxxxxx:hugs:

[ByThePowerOfGreyskul]

thank you for your kind words.
not feeling great atm.