leaving home

[zx123]

Hi,
i am in my 30's,and i am ashamed to say that i still live at home with my mother.

I would really like to leave home to become more independent,but i am quite scared about the prospect of it,as it is something ive avoided for such along time.

To be honest i am quite scared about the prospect of it,but at the same time its something i would really like to do.

Is there anyone here in a similar situation who could give me any advice about how they went about it?

Thanks

[lecb]

I'm in the same boat - i am 22, and i have not yet left home. I am also disabled which is partly why, but equally i still haven't.

Firstly, don't feel ashamed - 30 is still young and someone with anxiety should never feel guilt for what their anxiety has done to them.

This summer i lived in London for 3 months - i rented a room, and i knew i could come home at any point, and i did come back the odd weekend, but slowly i wanted to stay more and more in London because i loved it. I loved the independence, and the excitement.

It's not going to be easy, and i don't necessarily think jumping in the deep end will do you good, as the anxiety will build up and possibly exacerbate symptoms.

Try taking things slowly. Try staying at a friends to start with, and maybe see if there are friends who will let you rent a room for a while, or a bed, no pressure, and you can go home at any point. Build it up slowly - and you will soon find out how well you can cope.

I'm going to university this Sun, and i am terrified, even though i was living in London in a house share which is probably more daunting. Change is daunting, but it is possible. I'm not going to go and think "that's it, i'm stuck now, there's no home for me" - i am going thinking and knowing i can come home anytime, but the chances are that i won't need to - but it is good to have the backup there.

You aren't alone in being afraid - small steps, but you will do it.

Ellie

[Nigel]

Hi zx123,

Please don’t be ashamed or I’ll have to be as well because I was in my 30s when I left home. It does feel a bit daunting at first but it’s not so bad – just different.

It’s sounds like you don’t have to move out, and that’s good. I didn’t either, and I think it took me about 6 months after I bought my house. I used to go there in the evenings to do little jobs, then sometimes stayed at the weekends. I didn’t really know what style of furnishings etc I wanted, hence the place was a bit empty and it wasn’t practical to completely live there at first. But doing it like that gave me time to get what I wanted a bit at a time, and I gradually moved some of my stuff from Mum & Dad’s and stayed for longer and longer until I just found myself living there all the time.

Take care :)
Nigel

[Anxious_gal]

This might sound utterly ridiculous to some......

But have you ever though of gradually moving out?
Like renting a house close to your home now,
maybe just going there an hour or so a day and working your way up until you feel comfortable enough to stay the night. maybe even have a friend stay there with you on weekends and such.......

[Nigel]

Mishel, that sounds utterly sensible :winks:

[zx123]

Thanks for the replies and the advice,
I've been thinking about moving a lot recently,and i've been trying to make small steps towards it.

I tend to doubt my own abilities and i also have problems with avoidance.

I dont know why it took me so long,but over the last few months i've come to realised that leaving home and being more independent is something i really want to do,but its something ive always avoided in the past.

I live in a small town in wales and the nearest city is cardiff,so i've been thinking about moving there,and renting a bedsit.

I havent got any friends apart from my family,so i couldn't stay with anyone.

I was also thinking of maybe doing something like a college course,so that i would have a way of meeting people.

Thanks

[paula lynne]

Hi where are you? Im near Bridgend x:)

[Going home]

Hi there, well if your family are ok with you living there then why not? Don't feel pressured into moving just because you think you should. It's alot harder to become financially independent these days anyway I think and much harder for young people to get onto the property ladder etc. But if you really feel that you want to leave home, then as has been said here, small steps.

Anna xx :)