View Full Version : MY FRIENDS HAVE DESERTED ME
ever since ive been anxious and panicky my friends seem to of drifted away from me, they give excuses of long days or having other things to do and seeing me slipped there mind. recently 3 of my 'so called' friends decided they would manipulate me. basically telling me i cant stay off work i cant just ignore whats around me basically saying if they can work i can too. one of my friends said to me 'your mums not always gonna be there to listen she will get annoyed' i mean how can a FRIEND say this to me thats really wot i want to hear NOT! basically i do get moody but ive explained that its best i dont go clubbing cause of my panic state i dont want to be too far away from home but they cant accept that and try make me go out and then say 'have i done something wrong for u to not come out' i just cant win now im ignoring them ad saying im better off without you if you were my friends u would at least try see where im comin from. im so depressed thinking about it, thinking they are chating my name behind my back telling people ive gone mad. ive lived here all my life and all of a sudden these so called friends moved round here 5 years ago and now my names being chatted about making it uncomfortable to live round here. i do have other friends but i havent got a nasty bone in my body i never go out to hurt anyone and yet i get treated like this, sorry i just needed 2 talk to someone
t0rt01se36
04-03-06, 17:57
Hi. I know how you feel when friends desert you and friends and family don't understand you. I don't have many friends but the ones i do have, are ignoring me or don't keep in touch that often.
I keep wondering why this is happening. I know friends can't stay friends forever but I just can't undersdtand why they haven't enough time for me. All it takes is a few mins to contact me.
Kathy, you'll be fine. If your so called friends have abandoned you, its there loss not yours!
I'm sorry i'm not good with advice.
Katy,
I'm really sorry you feel so alone right now. It just doesn't seem fair that we have to deal with these issues and then on top our friends seem to run away from us. I hope that they will realize that this isn't a choice for you, and this is definitely something that needs an understanding person by your side. If they don't come around that's okay too. Through all of this I have realized I want "quality" friends around me rather than "quantity" anyways. Good luck sweetie, and remember you've got all of us here!
Tina
hey katy!!
well you have new and much better friends now by the sound of it- US!!! lol- dont worry bout them hun, if that too sad to understand their not even worthy of your friendship!!! I know its awful havin a feelin people r beepin bout you behind your back but dont worry!!!
i told one friend i had anxiety and she told the rest of my mates that i was goin mad and was waitin for a place in a mental home- luckily all my real friends realised wot she was doin and disowned her!! not to mention her gettin sorted!!! i have a few nasty bones in my body and it makes me mad to hear you gettin upset and depressed becoz of these so called 'mates' we are all here 4 u babe!!!
Ammegxxxxxxxx
Sorry to hear that Katy.
Try not to worry hun. You have to ask yourself are they really friends if they can treat you like that. I know how hurtful it can be and it feels in this life the nicer you are at times the more you get walked over huh!
STAY STRONG and as Ammeg so rightly said you have found much better friends in us!!!!!
Take Care,
Love PIP'S X X
thank u guys i am greatful for finding friendship with u
Hi Katy
It is often difficult for those who have never experienced this to understand what it is like. True friends are those who will stand by you through this.
We are here for support.
Karen
Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey
Robertc160882
05-03-06, 09:23
Hi Katy,
My story is kind of similar to your one, about 5/6 years ago I have a god bunch of friends close friends we seen each other everyday. When I had my first bout of panic attacks/depression it was impossible for me to live the same kind of lifestyle as I did before clubbing, drinking and drugs, I know the drugs thing is maybe different but it was a mistake and I have never touched any ever again and I’m never going to. I feel that the drugs side of things triggered my panic attacks and depression but if it didn’t happen when it did it would have at a later stage in life.
My friends stopped calling me and stopped coming to my house because I couldn’t lead that same lifestyle. When they did speak to me it was a case of get a grip mate you need to get back to work and start getting back to normal come on out. They didn’t understand my condition nor did they really want to, it was a real one track mind that they had. One of my friends I knew since I was around 4 years old and that’s what really hurt because I would have expected him to be worried and want to understand. I have spoke to them since only through emails and maybe text messages and stuff.
I guess this is really hard for you and for your family because they will notice the strain it will put you under and it can’t be nice feeling they are talking behind your back. That is exactly the way I felt but I started to think to myself well at least they are leaving someone else alone and I asked is that the kind of friends I really want. At the end of the day it is not the fact you don’t want to go out you probably do but the panic kicks in and you get scared. There is a feeling that you won’t be able to ever enjoy life the same way again or have normal friends but it is possible. Just because you can’t go clubbing it doesn’t mean to say there is other stuff you can’t do. The one I have hated over the past few years is Christmas nights out and work parties as I never feel comfortable but on the other hand I can go to a football match with 50,000.00 people there and feel relaxed.
I’m sure you will either resolve this with your friends or move on and do something better, once you find your comfort zones life will get easier. Sometimes friends can be great other times the can be really annoying but friends are easy to make and I’m sure you have plenty on here.
I really hope things get easier for you and you can sort things out hope you have a nice Sunday.
Robert
As you improve you will meet new friends and you will put these old people behind you and move forward ever stronger.
If you haven't experienced panic and extreme fear then it is really hard to understand.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
thanks very much robert much appreciated, right now its about me and my health and im not selfish putting myself first but thats something i NEVER do i always think of others but its time t change the most important people in anyones life is there family and loved ones and i suppose those few trustwothy friends (there are some great people out there but its unlucky i havent found the right mates). Also i think one thing i need is a boyfriend in my life to make this all go away and learn theres more to life then worry fear and mopping around. Thanks everyone for your concern, have a great sunday too
xx[8D]
This can happen ,i am afriad and personally katy if they are like that to you , then love it isnt worth having them as friends... thats not what friends are about.
It so annoys me when people treat you like you are nothink, like just because you havnt got a physical issness they treat you like a piece of s**t... well i tell you they may experience this one day so they need to shut thier mouths because no one in this life knows when anxiety/panic depression etc etc can hit them .. so i would be careful if i was them or one day they may regret the times they were nasty to you katy mate.
Listen i have so learnt when it comes to friends over the years and i know you feel so hurt by this , coz i did too back then ..but try and look at it like this .. no friend should hurt you a friend is only a friend when they love you uncondtionally.. we are here for you, and im sure that you will build friendships with lotes of people here gradually..
In future learn from this by picking ya friends a little bit more csarefully,it isnt your fault sweetheart dont get me wrong, but just study ya friends a little bit more carefully next time round, if it was me i would say laters to them so called friends of yours love.
ashley x
hey ashley i already have and i aint interested if they come back to me or not they aint worth it thank you for your post and definately next time i will be more wise and carefu bout who i choose
katy i have two types of friends. those i love who are drinking party mates. i never see them at my home, i keep in contact only to find out the biz but because i have the kids and the anxiety the partying side of me is on hold. they are not the friends ii ring if i need a chat about the kids but i love them just the same.
the other mates i have no all about my state of mind but love me anyway. there are only two of them
neither of these groups do i annoy with my fears in depth, this website, my doctors and sometimes my husband gets that, but my mates are spared it because i fear i will be too much for them.
either these pals were only interested in the clubbing mate they have in you or they are trying to be cruel to be kind . either way you need to spare them your fears and use us instead. it is hard for those who have never been thru this to be sympathetic so you can lean on us instead
i no to split the two and to love them in different ways, but neith small groups do i burden for they will try but will really struggle to understand
i hope this makes sense
jackie
yea it does make sense thanks jackie. everyone is so good to me x
andrew england 2
05-03-06, 13:10
Reding the replys to your post katy I see u have already had some wonderful advice - I agree with all they have said :-)
Hi Katy
Having anxiety makes you know who your true friends really are.
Some people are so uneducated about this illness that they tend to think they "may catch it"!
You have came to the right place Katy as we all know what you are going through.
Take care
Darkangel
........life is for living not just for surviving
Hi Katy
I totally appreciate what you are saying. My friend were just the same and i hated them for letting me down and judging me for how i was. But i also needed to remember like we all do that until you suffer you have no idea what we are feeling. I didnt before i got ill just like you didnt. I work in an environment when i have said so many times get over it or pull yourself together and meant it until i knew exactly how it felt. For outsiders it is scary and how can we expect them to totally understand. Talk to your friends, they wont mean to hurt you but an example i can give you if there is a close death to you how many people do you meet that ask if you are ok or try to avoid you but never ask how you feel over your loss. It is because they are scared of what to say as they have never experienced it. Only those that have will truly sit you down and talk openly. Dont judge them too hard like i did, but luckily through time they began to realise and i still have the same friends that care as much as the day i became ill.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
Katy,
I'm pretty new to this site too, but in a very short time you realise there are some genuinely amazing people on here. I've had more helpful advice and empathy in a week than I had in the previous more than two months since my problems kicked in. This is a great place and you will get real help.
One little warning bell rang in my head when I read one of your posts. A new boyfriend is unlikely to make everything better, I would suggest. A new relationship can be a lot of fun and a nice 'high', but that rush doesn't last, and the practicalities of life never go away. Personally I think it's crucial to realise that your happiness comes from you and how you feel, and how you feel about yourself. I genuinely believe that. I hope you don't mind me offering that view.
I feel sure that with the help of the people here and their experience and kindness you will make it through this and be a stronger and happier person in the end. I wish you lots of luck and strength.
Jason
W.I.F.T.S.
06-03-06, 12:53
Hi,
I know exactly what you are talking about. I moved from Cheshire to London. While all my friends were getting good jobs I was drifting from job to job and doing drugs. My confidence was really low and, trying to be assertive, I over-compensated and came across as very arrogant.
I was best man at a wedding when all my childhood friends ripped into me and said they wanted nothing more to do with me. I came home to my new shared flat the next day to find that my on-off girlfriend had slept with someone there.
I returned home to Cheshire soon afterwards, where i had no friends left because they had all moved away. Most of the friends I had made in London soon abandoned me and now, three years later, I'm having less and less contact with the people who did stick by me- mainly because I'm too scared to go to London to see them.
I can see why they abandoned me, I was a very desperate person and obnoxious with it. But I apologised to them and explained that I was ill and I hoped that they would give me another chance. I suppose, though, that once the trust and respect is gone those relationships are dead.
I have tried hard since to make new friends, but I've found it very difficult.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.
Paddington
06-03-06, 14:28
hi everyone.This appears,again,to be a common theme amongst us,losing friends.I had a friend we were inseperable for 7 years,we called each other soul sisters.I had my panic disorder all thru this friendship,i just hid it well,and went to the loo to take meds and swig brandy to hide the symptoms!We went on holidays the lot ,then one day last april she was due to come round and i was having a panic attack,i thought i could trust her to stand by me but she came then went in bout 20 mins spouting on about self help seminars[like i could travel to londonAND SIT WITH THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE AGH!!!!]Well,i wrote and apologised[idiot]as i thought what others have said,how can she understand if she's never experienced it.I thought things would be ok but no,i haven't seen her since!She sent me a vile letter calling me a coward[i am crying now at the thought of it]i miss her,i really do.I am a one friend person ,i dont have lots of mates it was just her.I now feel that i never want to let my guard down with people as i never ever thought that she could hurt me so.I wonder if she ever thinks of me,this i do know,she lost the best friend she will ever have when she ditched me,I THINK WE ARE VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE!IT HURTS BUT IS THEIR LOSS.Thanks 4 listening,it is better to share the pain as it can eat you away inside.God bless Mary-Rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
thanks mary, its a blessing i suppose having anxiety and panic that you find out who you really can trust, and boy i have found out. thanks for the reply im here for you anytime xxx
Paddington
07-03-06, 11:59
thank you Katy,i am here 4 you too.I do believe these so called friends miss out on something special when they leave us!As although we may not always be a barrell of laughs,we make good and trustworthy friends[oh dear makes us sound like a spaniel,ha ha ha ha]u know what i mean,we have an ability to care and empathise with people.It's a shame that they forget all the laughter and caring and sharing of our innermost self.Thank god we all have each other.Love.Mary-Rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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