stressbunny
23-09-10, 13:39
Just need to spill and this forum is always the place :-)
I started crying this morning and I haven't stopped yet...I just feel like I have reached the end of the road.
Current illness....Parkinsons (have had RA, MS, MND, cancer so far).
The trouble is I know so much more about Parkinsons, cos my mum has it. My symptoms (of Parkinsons or HA?) are a bad shoulder caused by stiff neck muscles (had it for a year) and jerking and twitches. And I mean jerking so that my hand flies up or my leg kicks out. This is normally when I am in a dozing state, or waking up...but also happens when I am awake on the sofa or at the desk, and when I am fully asleep, and it wakes me up (sometimes it is like I am actng out part of a dream).
Two weeks ago the doc reassured me, but today, when we talked at great length about the jerks, she said she still didn't think it was Parkinsons, but would refer me to a neurologist.
I declined. Yet, I sit here reading about people who are worried about HIV, and think - just get the test! So am I a hypocrite? My worry is that Parkinsons is only diagnosed by exclusion and by symptoms, so he cannot say no you definitely haven't got or no you will never get it...do you see what I mean? I am afraid an inconclusive visit would fuel by anxiety...
So, after resisting all year, I have just popped my first anti-depressant and a diazepam for good measure. All that hardwork at the beginning of the year, CBT, no drugs thanks...I can beat this. It was all crap, and really, I think this is it for me, anxiety or Parkinsons, or something else...I give up.
Worst thing about all of this is what a selfish bitch I am. My mum actually has parkinsons and doesn't make this fuss. And I can't even call her today, because the effect on me is the same as googling. My poor poor mum makes me panic...
I started crying this morning and I haven't stopped yet...I just feel like I have reached the end of the road.
Current illness....Parkinsons (have had RA, MS, MND, cancer so far).
The trouble is I know so much more about Parkinsons, cos my mum has it. My symptoms (of Parkinsons or HA?) are a bad shoulder caused by stiff neck muscles (had it for a year) and jerking and twitches. And I mean jerking so that my hand flies up or my leg kicks out. This is normally when I am in a dozing state, or waking up...but also happens when I am awake on the sofa or at the desk, and when I am fully asleep, and it wakes me up (sometimes it is like I am actng out part of a dream).
Two weeks ago the doc reassured me, but today, when we talked at great length about the jerks, she said she still didn't think it was Parkinsons, but would refer me to a neurologist.
I declined. Yet, I sit here reading about people who are worried about HIV, and think - just get the test! So am I a hypocrite? My worry is that Parkinsons is only diagnosed by exclusion and by symptoms, so he cannot say no you definitely haven't got or no you will never get it...do you see what I mean? I am afraid an inconclusive visit would fuel by anxiety...
So, after resisting all year, I have just popped my first anti-depressant and a diazepam for good measure. All that hardwork at the beginning of the year, CBT, no drugs thanks...I can beat this. It was all crap, and really, I think this is it for me, anxiety or Parkinsons, or something else...I give up.
Worst thing about all of this is what a selfish bitch I am. My mum actually has parkinsons and doesn't make this fuss. And I can't even call her today, because the effect on me is the same as googling. My poor poor mum makes me panic...