this is not good folks!!!!!

[Gamb1t247]

This isn't good people. I have been reading through some of the post's and some of the threads on hear and I am upset with all the negativity and the putting down of one selves that everyone has got on here. And its seems to me that a lot of people are feeding off of other people and its a vicious circle.

I understand that a lot of people have issues on here and people just cant find a way out of the black hole that they are in and believe me when I say I am one of them. I have suffered with panic attacks and depression all my life since I was 7 I am now 36. I live with my mother and hardly go out because of the panic and the fear of panic I lock myself in the house and out of the way of the world drinking and smoking because there is nothing to do. I am extremely isolated because whilst my friends were going out and meeting their future girlfriends then live in partners I would be out feel uncomfortable then come home feeling really ill because of my panic so now I am completely alone so I know how bad things can get.

But come on this is not good we cant go on putting our selves down and being negative all the time. We have to take responsibility for our own health and that starts with thinking positive. to quote the title of a book I have read "you cant afford the luxury of a negative thought" and that's all it is. A luxury its a lot easier to think negative than it is to think positive. Its a lot easier to dwell in your own misery than to accept the fact that you are in control of your own thought patterns. I know I have been there. I have talked to people and it has become a competition to see who has the worst life. Who gets the worst panic attacks. Thinking like this and bouncing off people like this is not good for any of us. You need to find something you love and hold on to that feeling. I will go to work in the morning put some really cheerful music on that I love and whilst waiting for the bus feel the wind on my face look at the trees blowing in the wind and really look see how beautiful nature is. Then something comes along and takes over and I get a sense of euphoria.

Everyone you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and take responsibility for the way you feel. I know this is tough love for some of you out there I don't know what everyone's situation is. I have never endured the pain of losing a loved one which I can only imagine is absolutely horrible but you need to hold on to the beauty of something in your life. It can be as little as having a hot bath whilst listening to your favourite music or your babies smile. Just anything to start thinking positive.

I now see some light at the end of the tunnel I have a long long way to go but I can visualise my self getting better and stronger and that's were we have to start, and believe me it feels good just seeing myself better and being the person that I really am inside and not the scared little boy that I feel sometimes. We have to refuse to be victims of what ever we are going through and give each other positivity that we are all going to get better and get out of the lovely habit of saying how bad we feel. How about instead we say what we did good today? I cooked my self a piece of toast and it was awesome. Start little until it becomes a habit and we will all be who we want to be. Lots of love to you all out there and good luck XX

[gypsywomen]

hey noboddy on here feels sorry for themselfes i have been on here 3 years and with the help of the good peopl.e on this site i am would say better not tablets not selfindugence just friendship you should try it not pull it down and i am not the only one to benifit from this site

[Gamb1t247]

Don't get me wrong i'm not pulling the site down at all I think it is awsome for making new friends that are going through the same as what you are cus it makes you feel that you are not alone. I am happy to have found this site. and in my own way I am only trying to help. I can only go by my own experiences an I have looked in to my self and the way I have been feeling and I have been feeling sorry for my self and I admit it. I know everyone is different but reading through some of the post's on here it seems that some people do feel sorry for them selves whether they want to admit it or not. I am only being honest and I think if people look in to them selves they will see the same. Like I said I cant speak for everyone and I will probably get slated but I feel I have more experience in panic than most. that's not to belittle the way that people feel. I am there as well. but instead of thinking of the panic and depression I have all my life I am thinking of a life with out panic. I believe I will get over this and that is the hardest part. once you believe it whole heartedly it will happen. maybe not today or tomorrow but it will happen. there is hope for all of us xx

[joannap]

i think the poster of this thread has a point - this site has been invaluable for me at times and knowing we are with other sufferers is a great support BUT i have noticed quite a few times over the years that when people are pleading for help with endless panics and symptoms and you reply with reassurance and suggestions for them to overcome it - the thread ends and then they restart a new post with exactly the same complaints. I know how easy it is to fall into the trap of seeking endless reassurance but gambit is right - the road to recovery only starts when YOU yourself take responsibility for your anxiety/depression - this does not mean it is your fault but it does mean that you take control and start to tackle it.

for too many years i read books thinking that i would then be cured but without having to actually do anything. i took pills - prescribed and herbal etc thinking that that would do it. i went to a counsellor with the attitude of - fix it for me. basically i spent years running away from myself, not wanting to accept it and face it and use the tools/support which do include medication/sites such as this BUT ultimately accepting the cure must come from within. i distinctly remember thinking that i did not want to face and accept it because what if that did not work either? I did not want to put in any work myself unless i was guaranteed a positive outcome - far easier to stay in the panic because although it was hell - i knew what it involved.

MAKE NO MISTAKE - it is extremely hard work policing your thoughts and changing negative to positive - you must pretty much do this all the time initially. It is also very difficult to face panic and let it be there and go about your day when you want to literally climb the walls but it is possible - i have been doing it from march this year and the start of my recovery only came when i was so determined to address it myself that i literally could feel my determination - yes - i have faltered and yes i have taken steps back to move forward but i am now down to 5mg ssir and am confident i will NEVER go back to square one. In march i had a breakdown - i have had several but with determination and acceptance - i came through it with no gp visits and no change of meds etc - in fact - i reduced my meds whilst coming through it and so it just shows what a change of attitude can do but when and how you reach this point is individual for everyone but once you reach it - you will not look back.

[joannap]

and yes - at times i have felt very sorry for myself and i don't think that there is one person on here who has not at times! all the "oh my god - why me" "when will this ever end", "other people are so lucky not to suffer anxiety etc" - it is only natural but its only when we start to put it into perspective - after all - anxiety is only adrenalin! and realise we are the only ones persecuting ourselves that recovery begins

[paula lynne]

A competition for who has the worst life? worst panic attack? are you JOKING! I find your post very upsetting. You deal with your anxiety by isolation, smoking and drinking. Others deal with it by bravely bearing their soul on a forum that enables them to do so. Some deal with it in positive ways, others by seemingly negative ways, BUT THATS THEIR CHOICE. :mad:

[ladybird64]

I do agree with certain points in both your posts but then the option is always up to us whether we choose to answer those posts or leave them for someone else.

I have found a way out and it seems you have too Joanna and I'm glad you are now well.

I would like to mention that I have been a memeber of this forum for over two years and have seen many people come and go, including those who posted about the same things over and over for months on end.

Eventually something clicked into place and they got better, primarily with the support they had received here which enabled them to finally be strong and realise that they could help themselves.

How can we be judgemental like this? It can take weeks, months or years the main thing is that people can and do get better..when the time is right for them.

I believe in speaking my mind and do so without fear as I always try to be truthful, if I feel someone needs to address their anxiety issues instead of seeking constant reassurance I will say so.

I hope I would never be hurtful though, for some NMP is the only place they can come to discuss how they feel.

Let people get better their way and in their own time.

My tuppence worth. :hugs:

[DavidJ85]

I have accepted what I have but it's like I can't control the anxiety attacks. So I've started on meds to help take edge off and I will go from there.

I do agree I need to build more determination to say I will beat it but I'd be lost without this forum and I do feel sorry for myself all the time.

[joannap]

i think ladybird sums it up perfectly and of course - those who are recovering/have recovered will not find this post as upsetting because they have a different perspective on it. i also think it is natural to leave the forum or not visit as often when you are recovering because anxiety takes up less and less of your time so to speak and i can understand why someone who is further along the road to recovery would find those who are still struggling being seemingly negative but this is all a natural part of the process of us all being at different stages on our journeys x

[agnes]

Generally speaking, there seems to be a very negative connotation attached to "feeling sorry for oneself." I'd prefer to see it as having compassion for oneself, which, for me, seems like a positive step towards self care and love.

[joannap]

i think that most people would attach a negative connotation to this? we use the saying - oh - she's feeling sorry for her/himself meaning that they feel like a victim whereas you are actually taking positive action when you decide how/when you need to look after yourself x

[debs71]

I agree with some of what Gamb1t247 says in so much as feeling sorry for ourselves is probably a negative way to think, but by nature it IS isn't it so that's nothing we don't already all know! I know the sentiment is a good one, but it is very, very difficult when you are caught in the maelstrom of anxiety (or any other condition) not to feel sorry for yourself in your desperation of wanting to break out of it, and the point is, feeling sorry for yourself at a time like that is almost like an involuntary reflex!

The fact we are all still around, thank God, sharing our feelings and frustrations about these bloody awful conditions must show we don't spend 24/7 feeling sad about it, and find even that small thing inside ourselves that keeps us fighting it, so I don't agree that we are all a bunch of bemoaning sad sacks, far from it.

My counsellor years back told me the strongest people are the ones who admit and share their illnesses and seek help for them and I like to think we are all being proactive here in doing that.xx

[jothenurse]

I do know my counselor said that in order to get better one does have to face the fear and avoidance and push oneself, maybe small steps at first, until you gain more confidence. Another thing he is trying to teach me is self-reassurance. It is ok to get reassurance from your counselor and forums like this, but the more reassurance you give yourself the better. To learn to trust yourself. I have a long way to go on this, but he says it is the way to recovery.

[bottleblond]

Regardless who joins the forum and when, everyone is entitled to an opinion. This thread has been a healthy discussion and i'm sure means no harm to anyone.

Please allow members freedom of speach unless it is highly offensive which this post is not.

Regards

Lisa

[nomorepanic]

Can we stop having a go at members that tell a lot of us what we already really think please.

It seems that some posts hit a raw nerve as some of us can relate to it and then we get angry and retaliate (me excluded I hasten to add) as I have seen on this thread and many others. It is kind of like "the truth hurts" sort of scenario.

There is no rule about how many times you have to post and over how long and how much you contribute.

We don't want all fluffy posts all the time and sometimes we need a kick up the backside to get out of a rut.

I did not find the OP's thread at all insulting.

[nomorepanic]

BB said this post was not highly offensive.

Every member can have an opinion of course (within the rules)

[eeyorelover]

Ok I will put myself in the line of fire and say that I have had the same thought.
Sometimes I will read a post and see SO many things that the OP 'could' do to improve their situation but knowing how absolutely debilitating anxiety can be, I know it isn't going to happen until they are ready.

I've wanted to say, DO SOMETHING...ANYTHING....to try to make a small step forward but instead I've sent hugs and told them I'm sorry they are having a difficult time.
Now I know that this doesn't apply to everyone!
There are those who are REALLY in the thick of it and due to extreme panic or depression simply don't have the ability to do the littlest thing to work thru their anxiety BUT there are loads of us, myself included, who could use, from time to time, for someone to say "Go outside" or "Stop being so negative" or any kind of constructive criticism.......perhaps criticism is the wrong word.......how bout a good swift kick to get us started in the right direction :)
Instead many of us send hugs or well wishes, myself included.
Perhaps that is feeding off of negativity. At least it is feeding into negativity.

Perhaps we do need to make sure we are helping each other thru the process of dealing with anxiety instead of purely providing sympathy and empathy.

It is food for thought I think.
xxx
Sandy

[debs71]

Well, for the record I didn't think Gamb1t's post was offensive at all, and as I said, I totally get where they are coming from as I myself regularly mentally arse-kick myself when I am anxious! I was just trying to say that I can see both sides...the sorrow we feel being like this and the difficulty to see the positive, and the negativity that we may surround ourselves with too.

I have to admit that sometimes when I log on and read down the thread titles, it does seem overwhelmingly on a downer, but let's face it, the site is 'no more panic' so it figures!!!! :huh:

It is a truth that people sometimes DO just need a hug, whether that creates a sad vicious cycle or not, but there are also a lot of threads where people are seeking encouragement that they can do something too which is positive isn't it?

[eeyorelover]

Yes definitely.

I guess what I meant in my post was..
since this is truly a support site,
and we are all at various levels in dealing with anxiety/depression/etc,
then shouldn't those of us that are farther along in our progress against anxiety start shining some positivity towards those that are in the thick of it.
Not just sending hugs, altho I definitely agree there are times when that is completely appropriate, but also saying "stop being so hard on yourself" or adding positivity and a light at the end of the tunnel type mentality into the mix.
After all, we are all working toward the same goal...
to lead some sort of 'normal' life without the interference of anxiety looming over our heads.

[debs71]

I agree eeyorelover!

I know for me personally I need a mix.....both someone to say it is ok and give me a hug and also someone to tell me to get a grip too.

I know the common thing is to say 'well you shouldn't pressure or bully someone with anxiety/depression, etc. as it doesn't help', and that in an extreme form doesn't I think, but I do think, again personally speaking, I appreciate someone who is confident enough to inspire me and kickstart the part of my mind that is still rational enough to think 'you can get over this, come on!!!!!'

[gypsywomen]

good thread

[Vixxy]

Personally I dont find it offensive and there are some good bits of information in the thread. However I think its written in a way that will get peoples backs up.

We all feel sorry for ourselves, everyone does. Even those boring normal people out there feel sorry for themselves. Youve made it sound like feeling sorry for yourself is like the end of the world. Its not. I dont think anyone intentionally puts themselves down either.

Yes there are plenty of threads on here, all about the same topic. Of course they are, we're all under the same cloud and feeling the same symptoms. I would hate for people to now feel like they cannot post these in case people think theyre feeling sorry for themselves and that they should go away.

There are also posts about daily achievements, success stories, atittude of graditute etc.. Theyre there. From my perspective I often feel like noone really wants me to make a new thread every time I do something positive in my life. Thats not to say I dont document it. I use a twitter account and for the past 31 days I will update it each day with all the good things I do each day.

[European]

I have to admit, as a newbie who has been reading quite a few posts over the past week or so, I could totally understand what the opening poster said. And think he has a point.

Everybody has moments when they feel sorry for themselves and need to complain and have a good whinge and moan - but I think this is totally different to a general attitude that restricts itself merely to complaining, and whingeing and moaning, opposed to actually putting things into action, doing something and moving forward.

The thing is, whingeing and moaning won't change anything - it might be a short term release, but longer term it won't lead to anything but treading water and remaining exactly on the usual spot. That's what is so negative and ultimately unkind and destructive about it: It won't change a thing; it won't help anybody longer term; it won't make anything happen that might lead to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, or probably even lead out of the tunnel altogether. Each and every single one of us can only make steps in this direction by ourselves and on our own accord - nobody else can make this happen for us. And no amount of complaining will do it either.

As such I believe complaining, or whingeing and moaning - as a general and long term attitude - to be one of the most dangerous, negative and destructive ways of being. It won't just drag yourself down, but everybody around you as well. We might think we are being kind to ourselves when we feel sorry for ourselves, and we think we are being kind and empathic with others if we are feeling sorry for them, but there are limits, as this isn't helping anybody without at least mentioning that there comes a point - in your own time! - when you have to become active and put a step forward and venture away from the proven and well used pay-offs and out of your comfort zones in order to have a chance to progress. Feeling sorry for ourselves will not get us there....

[Snap]

As someone new here, I just want to say that all in all, this forum is absolutely great; people are supportive and seem less inclined to dish out strongly-opinionated advice. I found that offputting on another forum. Perhaps I haven't read enough posts here :) ... but seems to me people here are great. I know I'm hard on myself. I know I like it when my wife gently reminds me not to be. However, I also know that I can't be forced not to be hard on myself. I just need to try--to put my mind to it and keep trying. Take care all.