Stressed Teen

[Rosie82]

I have posted before about my son, he did get to stay at college, he promised to pull his socks up, which he seems to have done, and seemed to have made good progress getting over girlfriend, (although she is sort of still on the scene, and reading between the lines I suspect she is keeping him on a string), anyway to cut a long story short he told me today that he was feeling so stressed and had chest pains, he also said that he felt angry, this is something I worry about, as he has in the past punched walls, doors, he even punched the window once and cut his hand. I think this is the root of all my anxiety, worrying if he will hit someone or hurt himself. People tell me that anger can be a common emotion in teens and he will learn to control it eventually, He says he can’t cope with college and finds it too hard. (He is doing the minimum amount of subjects that he can so he can’t drop anything). Being anxious I need to know if anyone thinks that when a 17 year old says that they are ‘stressed’ (he was tearful) it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are depressed. I am not saying he couldn’t be it is just I have now got him down as being depressed and suicidal! A good friend says that nothing I have told her lead her to believe that. As she reminds me he still plays football, goes out, has friends round, spends hours doing his hair, choosing what clothes to wear etc. I have only got myself to compare being a teenager, I was very stressed as a teen, very tearful, moody etc, my husband sailed through the teen years himself. I keep worrying that he will be just like me, and it breaks my heart. I am finding it very difficult to stay calm, I am panicking like crazy about everything he does or doesn’t do, and his future. It is making me quite ill. I realise I am the one with the real problem and I am petrified of the effect I may be having on my family. Please can anyone who has been through teenage angst and come out the other end offer words of reassurance at this anxious time, especially regarding the anger he experiences as I believe this is the key to my anxiety. :scared15:

[Chem]

My daughter went through a very difficult couple of years. I used to lie awake worrying and was scared to let her out of my sight until one day I happened to see her on the street laughing away with friends. Her Dad and I were seperated and he used to ring her weekly. I'd stay away from her room when she was on the phone to him, but I put my ear to the door and she was chatting away, telling him about college and discussing music.

How often during our children's lives do they come home from other houses and the mother comments how polite they were. We wonder if we've got the right child back! Unfortunately being a mother means having all the angst of teenage years thrown at you in the most dramatic and terrifying way. They're just realising that in the big world they won't be number one anymore so they test your love to feel secure and to guage from your reactions how adults behave.

If your son feels he is having problems with the college work, is there a councellor or tutor at college he can talk to? Is the course he's doing really right for him? He may be better to lose a year now and start another course than carry on into an area he isn't happy working.

Don't worry - as your friend says, he is still interested in his appearance and goes out with friends. He'll come through in his own way. xx

[Rosie82]

Dear chem

Thank you for your reassuring reply.

I was interested in the part where you say you saw your daughter laughing with her friends and chatting to her dad about normal things. Exactly the same happened yesterday, my son had gone to his grandparents after college, and according to them he was fine, they didn't have a clue that he was stressed, he even roped granny in to baking a cake for his mates 18th! Then he had the chat with me, then his friends came around for the evening and he seemed to interact with them normally!

My husband even managed to say to him that the chest pains could be down to the caffeine loaded drinks he buys, I know they give me heart palpitations if I have too much.

I just wish I didn't worry so much. :wacko:

Xxx

[eternally optimistic]

Hi Rosie

Got your reply PM - thanks.

I am sure your son is fine and I'm really pleased he got his college situation sorted.

It seems everyone around him thinks he is alright.

If its any consolation my son has dropped out from college due to various things and so I feel he is lost in the world at the moment.

To top it all, the little part time drop he had been offered several weeks ago to do at the weekend has given him the boot..... poor love, he is only 16. They were really crap at the way they got rid of him too. So I'm angy and sad for him. Suppose there is a good lesson in all of this. I would just rather he had learnt it later in life.
He is struggling with fitting in, being nervous and finding something to do with his life. He is a "good" kid really, doesnt do any stupid things in life that could be regarded as "naughty".

So, here's to both our "boys".

Feel free to keep in touch, if you want:)