just so fed up

[sarah_85]

hi peeps,
i just need someone to listen to me moan really. had an exam today, which i was hoping was the main cause of my anxiety and why ive been feeling so low and anxious this week.
didnt feel great after the exam, but went to the gym and seriously, at the gym i felt completely fine. i worked out, my chest pain that i usually had even went away for most of it. and afterwards i felt great!
but now im home and ive showered and am just feeling wretched. i just dont feel i can carry on like this, i am worried, so so worried that there's something serious wrong with me. i know there isnt, because every symptom i get comes and goes and the docs have given me an all clear.
i just need to know there are others out there with this. i am so low right now, i just dunno how much more of this i can take. im worried im gonna crack up.
have been seein a psychotherapist, but he's on 2 weeks holiday. not even sure if that's working as ive only had 3 sessions but i am dead worried.
this is all not really making sense but hopefully it's helped just to off load a bit.
xxx

[debs71]

Sarah, don' t give into your anxiety, especially as you are doing so well.

I feel the same as you right now. I had a TERRIBLE day yesterday, my heart was racing, fear and dread in my mind all day long and my anxiety was overwhelming, but today I feel so different. I've been holing myself up for days as Ive been having panic attacks, mostly in public places, so have been terrified to go out, but this afternoon I grabbed the bull by the horns, had a word with myself and just went out, got some shopping, (albeit very sweatily and a bit anxiously) and came home again, and I feel it is a big victory.

What I'm trying to say - without boring you with my moans - is that anxiety comes in peaks and troughs. Like today at the gym you felt great, no aches and stuff, and then when you were home, a bit on a downer again, and that is SO SO NORMAL for anxiety. Good days and bad days. YOU ARE NOT ALONE HUN, you are not going crazy and you won't crack up.

The fact you made it out to the gym shows you are strong enough to cope with this and just keep on doing stuff like that. It really does help. My worst times are when I have nothing to occupy my time except my thoughts and that is when I dwell on the 'oh s***t, I feel bad' way of thinking. I've now realised that distraction is key.

Keep your chin up hun, we are all in this together and keep us posted.xxxxxx:hugs:

[sarah_85]

thanks for your post, it's really helpful. this anxiety business is so stupid. when im at work or at the gym i cope really well. you're so right, it's much worse for me when im alone and unoccupied. my main problem is just accepting that it IS anxiety that is causing all my symptoms. i just am constantly worried that it's something really sinister and i know it isnt, i've had the all clear. i dunno, i just hate it. i know feeling sorry for myself anf dwelling on it only makes it worse but somedays it's all i can think about :(
i hope you're well anyway! i see from your profile that you're a paediactric nurse, im in my final year training to be a midwife! the doctor told me the other day that sensitive, kind people (like us apparently) make fabulous healtcare professionals, but the down side is that we feel things very deeply, which makes us more prone to anxiety etc. xxx

[debs71]

Hey Sarah, yep I checked out your profile too! That is a great profession you are training for. You should be proud of yourself for that alone. I totally agree with you about the sensitivity thing. I think for me it has been a blessing and a curse in my nursing career. It has been an asset in so much as I've been told I am a very caring nurse (which is nice) but a curse in that my anxiety has stalled my career as I have not had a contracted job since about 7 months after I achieved my E Grade years ago as I did not want the stress or responsibilty of a management position - which was on the cards - so have done agency and bank work for years. I've always been bullied by other staff for spending too much time on patients, but that is something I have refused to compromise on!

It is really hard to believe all our aches and worries are just anxiety, but they in the most part are. It is a horrible thing and bloody annoying but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel with it, there really is. This is my second really bad relapse with panic and anxiety and in my mind I just keep the idea that I recovered once from this and I sure as hell will again, and so will you Sarah.

lots of love.xxx

[Hazel B]

It's ups and downs and we try to cope. Your body would still be in anxiety mode even after the exam, it just takes time to heal.
I'm worse in the mornings, I hate it, but tell myself evening will come soon.
Keep fighting, it will pass for all of us, I just can't say how long it will take.

And Debs -well done for going out today! x x

[debs71]

Thanks Hazel! I'm so happy I did it again with great encouragement from you and all the first time around xxx

[Hazel B]

I'm so pleased for you, you've faced it and can do it again!

Sarah - Debs is right, anxiety can give us good and bad days but we can cope and the good days will increase. x

[heavenly]

thanks for your post, it's really helpful. this anxiety business is so stupid. when im at work or at the gym i cope really well. you're so right, it's much worse for me when im alone and unoccupied. my main problem is just accepting that it IS anxiety that is causing all my symptoms. i just am constantly worried that it's something really sinister and i know it isnt, i've had the all clear. i dunno, i just hate it. i know feeling sorry for myself anf dwelling on it only makes it worse but somedays it's all i can think about :(

Hi Sarah, you are not alone, believe me! I find it so hard to believe that I, alone, am causing the symptoms that engulf me. Its so frustrating! I have bad days but then I have a good day and I can't understand why I can't have a good day EVERY day! But I am learning, day by day, what anxiety is, I am seeing a counsellor, eating the right stuff, taking gentle exercise, listening to my body and trying not to be hard on myself, but it is easier said than done I know. And like you, when I am alone and not distracted, is when I think I am not doing well and the negative thoughts strike. So I try and keep distracted, whether its ringing a friend, going out for a walk with my Ipod in, doing a Tai chi dvd etc...and this lovely place, as well!

Well done for going to the gym, pat yourself on the back for everything you accomplish. xxx

[paula lynne]

Hiya! the gym is obviously a massive help, you are burning off that nasty adrenaline, and its making you feel great. Well done, keep it up, never give up x