he cheated!alone and fear panic will come back!!

[holly23]

hi there. i have not been on here in a while. my anxiety has pretty much gone. but something has happened that i fear will bring it back. my boyfriend lost his dad to cancer few months ago and has been on a down fall ever since. doing drugs and now i find out he cheated on me on holiday bout 3 weeks ago. twice. i cant stand how much it hurts! its been building up over the last week. hes been out every night. and i havent trusted him in a while anyway so i basically havent slept all week. im like a zombie but coping really well so far. every boyfriend ive had has cheated and i wouldnt say im un attractive and im defo not a nasty person but i feel ive brought it on myself or im been punished. i struggle to find happy memories as it is!
i just cant get used to the idea of not been with him, it been over 2 years and i dont know if i can do this again.....feel like this!
i hate myself right now and fear ive done all the wrong things but deep down i know ive been a good girlfriend. im not needy or anything we do long distance and he still doesnt want me. how can i not feel like this??
he coming down to see me today because i know i would not cope just ending it on the phone. i cant stop shaking, and im shivery. prob cause im so tired, im just so scared this will bring me down. and because i feel deep down i knew something was up i know think...oo am i telapathic!!.lol..if so does that mean my fear of dying etc will be correct. sounds crazy i know. and cause i am not panicing i worry i may have already lost my mind and am going crazy. its scary. if i didnt have anxiety this would not have happened. i worry its my fault having been so ill last few months. ...

can anyone offer any woords of advice etc. i feel so alone right now and cant stop sobbing. xx

[paula lynne]

Hi hunny, what an awful thing to have happen to you. I guess he has reacted very badly to his dads death, grief can really mess us up if we dont deal with it. Do you think theres anyway you can repair the relationship? Maybe if he really opens up to you, and goes to grief councelling or something, you can put it behind you? Its horrible when a relationship ends, but hun, you had a life before you met him, and you will again. Its not the end of the world even though it feels like it, you will meet someone else who will love you and respect you enough not to cheat on you. You deserve that.
Anyway, I hope you can sort it out, and if its definately over, trust me...you will get over it in time. Rely on family and friends, and you WILL get over this, I promise xx:hugs:

[European]

First of all, I'm really sorry to hear about what's happened and my heart goes out to you!

Apart from that, I don't think your boyfriend's cheating has been your fault and that you should be "punished" for it - he is a grown adult (I presume), and as such responsible for himself and his actions! And if he should have had an issue involving you leading him to being unfaithful, then he would have been well advised to act like a responsible adult and broach it with you, before going off with somebody else.
So, please, don't blame yourself for something that is not your responsibility and that you have in effect no control over!

I think you've got to be very careful not to create some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy on account of how you view what's happened.
You are understandably upset right now, but there is no reason why this should bring your anxiety back - unless you want to bring it back, that is.
I think it would be good to remind yourself that your boyfriend's cheating is neither your fault, nor your responsibility, and that you don't have to punish yourself for something you haven't done by concentrating on bringing your anxiety back - it's absurd. Plus, there is no need for that!

Be kind with yourself, and, above all, be fair to yourself, instead of mindlessly and pointlessly taking on every blame that might come your way. You didn't do anything wrong - your boyfriend did!

[Anxious_gal]

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The Journy from abandoment to healing.

This book really helped me.

I really really think you should read it.
And any anyone else who has just been through a break up.